Steve Nash is awesome

 As the above video proves, everything in life is better when you do it with Steve Nash.

Zzzzzzzz

Holy mother of dog American League "baseball" is horrific! Jered Weaver on the mound for the Angels, he of the gaudy 6-0 record and the odds on favorite for AL pitcher of the month of April. Clay Buchholz on the mound for the Red Sox, well, all right he was pretty awful in April but he is a damned good pitcher. Weaver has the change up dancing through the crisp, Boston air. Buchholz is spinning by far his best game of the 2011 season. It is tied at 1 through 4 innings...and it is already 9 fucking PM! Are you kidding me? A classic, low scoring pitcher's duel and it takes two hours to play less than half of the fucking game? I am thinking they need to start letting the pitchers bat again, just to speed this shit along. Think of it as a laxative for the constipated bowels of American sports.

Matt "Cookie" Cooke...still a bitch

In case you thought I was being overly critical, check out FOX Sports list of the dirtiest NHL players ever. Just check out the picture on the front page! The modest rebirth of this blog was fueled by goalie fights and the goalie fights were fueled by Cookie. Poor Rick DiPietro received a broken jaw and a concussion for his little cheap shot on Cookie when in reality he should get probably get some sort of monetary bonus.

In any rate, since most of you (both of you) are unlikely to actually click on the link, I will provide some highlights:

10. Claude Lemieux - True story, he once broke a guy's face in a playoff game. Says Dino Ciccarelli, "I can't believe I shook this guy's friggin' hand after the game. That pisses me right off."

9. Sean Avery - The dude has a rule named after him in the fucking rule book. Enough said. Sloppy seconds indeed!

8. Tie Domi - Fought a fan in the penalty box.

7. Todd Bertuzzi - Broke a dude's neck with a dirty hit from behind.

...

3. Matt "Cookie" Cooke - Number three! Already! This guy is less than a year older than I am and he is already considered a dirtier player than some of the luminaries listed above! The only two players considered worse are Dale Hunter who tried to kill a dude for scoring a goal against his team in the playoffs and Chris Simon who basically did try to take his skate off and stab someone with it. That is some heady company right there.

Nerd alert!

One of the great stats to look at in the NHL is goal differential. For example in the Eastern Conference every team with a positive goal differential is currently in possession of a playoff spot while every team with a negative differential is on the outside looking in. Things are not so tidy in the Western Conference where Calgary is +9 and in a tie for 10th place in the conference and St. Louis is +5 and eliminated from contention while Anaheim at -3 currently holds onto 7th place. Of course Anaheim is only two points ahead of Calgary with three games to play so stay tuned.

It is interesting to note (interesting to me, not you, sorry) that the team with the worst goal differential is Edmonton at -68 and not coincidentally they are the team with the worst record in the whole league. At the other end of the spectrum is Vancouver who has already wrapped up the President's Trophy and has a whopping +71 (!!!) goal differential. Excuse me as collect myself for the moment as I have just simultaneously spit water all over my keyboard and jizzed in my pants. The jizz thing is probably unrelated to this post. Anyway that gaudy differential is nearly double the closest competitor in the Western Conference, San Jose at +38, and far out-distances the top mark in the Eastern Conference, Boston at +49. This just underlines what a great season Vancouver has put together and why they will be the presumptive favorite heading into the playoffs.

Looking ahead to the run for Lord Stanley's cup, Boston's +49 differential suggests greater success than the 3 seed they are all but assured to ride into the playoffs. It compares favorably to any of the bottom three teams in the playoff picture who will all jockey for position over the season's final weekend. Conversely current conference top dog Washington has a relatively pedestrian +25 differential that stands as merely the fifth best mark in the conference, a full 10 goals worse than the current 8 seed, the New York Rangers. The Rangers at +35 compare favorably to all of the top teams except Boston and should be a trendy pick for a first round upset unless they slot into 6th seed and face off against the Bruins.

In the Western Conference the defending Stanley Cup champion Chicago Blackhawks hold a tenuous two point lead over Dallas and Calgary despite a +31 differential that sits as the third best mark in the conference. Assuming they make the tournament look for them to potentially knock off a top seed, unless that top seed is Vancouver. I will put together a full playoff preview complete with inaccurate predictions next week once the final seeding is determined.

So this happened last night

Lost in all the hoopla surrounding the worst NCAA championship game in history, the New York Rangers and Boston Bruins played a pivotal late-season match up in the Garden last night. The Bruins have already locked up the Northeast division and are therefore assured no worse than the 3 seed but in an Eastern Conference where the top 5 teams are within 4 points of each other, every additional point is crucial. At the other end of the playoff spectrum, the bottom 3 teams are all within a point of each other and an uncomfortably close 3 points ahead of 9th place Carolina. When the Bruins jumped out to a 3-0 lead pretty early in this one, fans were reasonably panicky in Manhattan considering the team preceded their shootout win over first place Philly on Sunday with consecutive losses to playoff contending Buffalo and the also-ran Islanders. Boston had to be eagerly looking forward to the 2 points that would get them within 2 of conference leaders Philly and Washington. They were SO eager in fact that they seemingly forgot to play the second half of the game.

Three times as nice

Going into last night's national championship game against Butler I identified several keys to success that would lead to a national title for the Huskies:

1. Kemba Walker must be either a scorer or a distributor early. UConn's success this season has been directly tied to Kemba's ability to create offense.

2. Jeremy Lamb must step up as a viable scoring option. Butler's well-deserved reputation as a giant slayer is built upon their ability to shut down the opposing team's best player.

3. Alex Oriakhi must stay out of foul trouble. UConn has a definitive advantage in size and athleticism inside but it is entirely linked to the mercurial sophomore forward.

4. Roscoe Smith must get involved offensively early. Smith is a talented low post player who has the ability to stretch a defense with the occasional long jumper but as a freshman he has disappeared from games by missing a couple of shots at the beginning of the game.

5. Jim Calhoun cannot get out-coached. Brad Stevens is as talented a basketball mind as there is currently coaching in the college ranks right now. The popular belief was that Stevens would be able to scheme a defense that could at least slow down Kemba Walker and his experienced team would rain open threes to victory.

So what happened?

1. Kemba Walker shot 3 for 11 for 7 points and 0 assists, providing none of the dynamic offense that UConn typically relies upon. Additionally he picked up two fouls and sat a nearly unprecedented 3 minutes in the first half.

2. Jeremy Lamb shot 0 for 2, picked up his second foul with 9 minutes to go in the first half and was a complete non-factor.

3. Alex Oriakhi was for a force on both ends of the floor scoring 4 early points and picking up 4 early rebounds but unfortunately he also picked up his second foul with over 10 minutes to go in the first half and had to watch the rest of the frame from the bench.

4. Roscoe Smith missed both of his early shots and turned into a shot-blocking turnover machine. He also picked up his second foul late in the second half.

5. Jim Calhoun spent much of the first half munching on the souls of abandoned kittens, somehow oblivious to the fact that his lineup to end the first half was Shabazz Napier, Tyler Olander, Donnell Beverly, Jamal Coombs-McDaniel, and Charles Okwandu.

How did UConn survive the apocalypse scenario and emerge victorious? They watched Butler have an historic shooting night. No team has ever shot so poorly in a national championship game. To find point totals so abysmal you have to go back to the 1940s, years before the implementation of a shot clock or a three point basket.

UConn actually represented itself pretty well in the second half against an excellent defensive team, scoring 34 points on 42% shooting. They were still atrocious from the three-point line, finishing at 1 for 11 overall but when they had such an advantage athletically they were able to dominate inside like we have never seen before. The Huskies out-scored the Bulldogs 26-2 in the paint. The interior defense certainly helped but Butler was missing layups like someone had threatened their beloved mascot. Oh hey maybe I just uncovered an alternate theory! It is a shame because the resiliency of the Huskies to go 14-0 in tournament play as well as the nearly unbelievable run from Butler to play in back-to-back national championship games was overshadowed by the ugliness of the game. When it is all said and done, UConn emerged victorious and unless your team is coached by John Calipari, that is all that will be remembered in the record books.

A riddle from baseball's opening weekend

What do ninjas, midgets, and a family of German tourists all have in common?

They all apparently live in Brian Wilson's beard. I really do not have much to add. Just click the link and beware of creepy painters.