BOOM goes the dyno-Ike!

Holy crap that's a bad headline! The Braves Kenshin Kawakami tried to sneak a fastball by Ike Davis and Davis responded with a "FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" deep breath "OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!" 450 feet later Davis had his first major league home run en route to a 5-2 Mets win. John Maine was so impressed he pulled himself from the game in the 4th inning before he could blow the game. Hisanori Takahashi was so impressed he threw 3 strong innings in relief of Maine and struck out 7. Braves third-baseman and noted Mets slayer was so awed he not only dropped a later Ike Davis popup, he failed to catch Jose Reyes' popup with 2 on and one out in the 7th inning when Reyes was already retired on the infield fly rule. Braves catcher Brian McCann was so stunned he then threw to first base trying to double off Luis Castillo because obviously you have to tag up when the ball isn't caught? The throw left home plate uncovered and allowed Angel Pagan to score. Listen, it was an impressive fucking home run. Watch the highlights here on ESPN.com.

Johan to the rescue!

With the inconsistent Oliver Perez shouldering a heavy workload in the World Baseball Classic and the "man I wish that guy was as consistent as Ollie Perez" John Maine struggling to return from shoulder surgery (try saying that 5 times fast), the Mets starting pitching rotation was starting to look a little thin beyond Johan Santana and the potential of Mike Pelfrey. Then came the news in late February that Johan had some discomfort in his elbow and danger sirens started sounding everywhere. 30 year old pitchers with elbow problems and 6 years, $137.5 million remaining on their contracts tend to be something of an anchor weighing down a pitching staff, especially when the lineup behind your ace looks like this:



But in this article in the New York Post, we hear that Johan is pitching pain free and using all of his pitches, a sign that he is raring to go come opening day a scant 2 weeks away. Somehow, and maybe this is just me, this image inspires more confidence:

Well that worked out all right

David Wright had his first full game off of the season Tuesday night in the 11-0 loss to the Mariners. In Wednesday night's game, Wright homered in his first two at bats before the Mariners pitchers wised up and walked him his third trip to the plate. Of course his fourth time up Wright popped out. Back to the bench with you young man!

In other news from the game last night, John Maine took a no hitter into the 5th inning before a hard hit ball eluded Carlos Delgado at first base. The Mets have never had a pitcher throw a no hitter in their 46 year history. In every no hit game a fielder will go a little beyond the norm to make a defensive play to preserve the no hitter. The lesson here is you're probably not going to get a no hitter with the fucking Carlos Delgado statue at first base.

In Progress: Mets v Braves

In the interest of pretending to work today, I will not be keeping a running diary of this afternoon's matchup between the Braves and the Mets, but will instead provide periodic updates. Luis Castillo hit a home run in the first inning, which may or may not be a sign of the impending apocalypse. Just to be safe, if you see any frogs falling from the sky or all of a sudden the first born sons start to keel over for no reason, you may want to stock up on milk and eggs.

Following the home run, the Mets loaded the bases with one out before Alou lined out and Delgado flied out to end the inning. Tom Glavine has been in complete control ever since, meaning one of the major contributors to the Mets collapse is either a total cock or just needed to face the Mets offense more often last season to pad his stats. John Maine is not pitching nearly as well, and after a sacrifice fly just this second it is now 3-1 Braves. Fuck.

On cycles and shutouts

Before yesterday afternoon, no Mets pitcher had worked 7 full innings in a game. Before yesterday afternoon the LA Dodgers had won 10 of their last 11 games. John Maine came within 2 outs of a complete game shutout yesterday afternoon, throwing a hardy middle finger in the face of both streaks. John Maine also had sex with your sister and you loved it because it was Johnny Fucking Maine!

Also last night, Carlos Gomez hit for the cycle. That would be a single, double, triple, and home run in the same game. Actually, he hit for the reverse cycle, hitting in order a home run, a triple, a double, and a single. Gomez was an exciting, young centerfield prospect for the Mets last year who was traded in the offseason. Normally I'd be crushed when the Mets trade that kind of talent, but in this case it netted Johan Santana who also fucked your sister. Actually, it turns out she's kind of a whore. Anyway, good for Gomez who is still learning to be a Major League hitter, but looks to be an exciting piece of the outfield for the Twins for years to come.