Thats' a little discouraging

Johan Santana spun a masterful 7 innings, yielding 3 hits and a mere 2 unearned runs while striking out 13, so they had to win, right? RIGHT? Nope! They lost to this fucking guy!


Nope, that's not Justin Guarini, that's actually Josh Johnson of the Marlins who apparently is way better at pitching than Justin is at being Kelly Clarkson. Fuck me I know too much about American Idol. Must clear my mind. Ahhhhh, that's better.

Opening day!

That went pretty much according to script. Except for Johan Santana struggling in the windy and cold conditions, and the offense collectively shitting itself in pressure situations, Omar Minaya could not have imagined things going better after his offseason revamp of the bullpen. Johan went 5.2, handed the ball off to Sean Green, who pitched 1.2 scoreless, followed by Putz and K Rod, closing out a tidy 2-1 win. Of course my favorite moment happened in the second inning when Ryan Church was on second with one out, popular scapegoat Luis Castillo was at the plate with the pitcher on deck. The announcers went out of their way to mention that manager Jerry Manuel approached Castillo before the season about this very situation and implored him to be more aggressive.

At least Johan put the fucking ball in play! And the shortstop made a diving stop to get that ground ball. Castillo hit a ball foul then promptly watched 4 pitches fly by without taking his bat off the shoulder. Dammit!

Johan to the rescue!

With the inconsistent Oliver Perez shouldering a heavy workload in the World Baseball Classic and the "man I wish that guy was as consistent as Ollie Perez" John Maine struggling to return from shoulder surgery (try saying that 5 times fast), the Mets starting pitching rotation was starting to look a little thin beyond Johan Santana and the potential of Mike Pelfrey. Then came the news in late February that Johan had some discomfort in his elbow and danger sirens started sounding everywhere. 30 year old pitchers with elbow problems and 6 years, $137.5 million remaining on their contracts tend to be something of an anchor weighing down a pitching staff, especially when the lineup behind your ace looks like this:



But in this article in the New York Post, we hear that Johan is pitching pain free and using all of his pitches, a sign that he is raring to go come opening day a scant 2 weeks away. Somehow, and maybe this is just me, this image inspires more confidence:

Well that was a waste of time

161 games and almost exactly a year later, the Mets find themselves in the exact same position they held last year. Couldn't they have just played one game at the beginning of April and saved us this whole mess? Johan Santana pitched a masterful game, throwing a three-hit shutout on three days rest to help the Mets pull into a tie for the wild card lead with the Milwaukee Brewers. Ben Sheets did his part by lasting less than 3 innings for the Brewers as they fell to the Cubs 7-3. Playing the role of Tom Glavine this year is Oliver Perez, who has fittingly given up at least 4 runs in 3 of his last 4 starts, two of which he failed to pitch 5 innings. Playing the role of the Florida Marlins this year is the Florida Marlins, who have made no secret of their desire to knock the Mets out of the playoffs again.

Just when I think I'm out they suck me back in!

Love a good Godfather quote in the morning. Last night the Mets turned to their automatic collapse protection in an effort to prevent yet another September collapse. Just when I was coming to terms with the inevitable Johan spun a gem on the mound, going 8 strong innings and actually winning for a change. Behind the strength of Jose Reyes' and David Wright's steely good looks, I mean offense, the Mets held on for a 6-2 win. Most teams would probably find a 4 run lead in the 9th inning pretty comfortable, but Pedro Feliciano decided to give up two hits despite the fact he didn't actually face one of the Cubs' 8 best hitters. Luis Ayala came in to secure the win (this time) and the dream stayed alive for another day.

Last season Plaxico Burress gimped around on a bum ankle. Despite not practicing all season Burress established himself as one of the very best game day receivers. He made a huge deal out of reporting to work this offseason despite his unhappiness with his contract. Just before the season started, the Giants and his agent managed to work out a deal paying Burress as one of the top receivers in the game. I wondered at some point if Burress' success without practice was going to carry over to this season. Monday Plax decided not to show up. He did not tell anyone, he did not respond to efforts to contact him, and this morning coach Coughlin was unipressed with Burress' excuse for his absence. The star receiver was suspended this morning for the next two weeks, which is not as big a punishment as you'd think because the team has a bye this week. Burress will still miss two of his new fat paychecks. Fortunately for Giants fans, that means he will only miss Seahawks game a week from Sunday, and not a game against an actual NFL team. Still, kudos to Burress for proving once again he's just a big a douche as I always thought he was.

Ugh

"Fuck this I'm going home," quoth the author of this blog as Jason Marquis' grand slam sailed into the Mets bullpen. Faster than Jerry Manuel racing to the mound to remove his beleaguered rookie starter I was racing to my car to take me where my scotch is. John Niese pitched adequately through three innings before the wheels came off in the fourth. And by the wheels coming off I mean he gave up a bases-loaded home run to the opposing pitcher. Who bats left-handed! Did you know John Niese throws left-handed? Probably not, so John Niese throws left-handed! When I said Niese looks like a young Barry Zito, that wasn't exactly what I meant. Johan pitches tonight for the Mets, meaning the offense can take the night off. What's that? You mean you can still lose a game 1-0 even with your ace on the mound? Well shhhh, don't tell the bats! They might wake up!

The week in sports

Michael Phelps won a record-breaking 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics including memorable finishes in the 4 x 100 freestyle relay and the 100 meter butterfly. But he only set 7 world records and I didn't watch a single race, so it could not have been all that important.

In interesting news, the All Blacks of New Zealand demonstrated a bend-don't-break strategy against the Springboks of South Africa, several times letting the host team reach the goal line (or whatever the fuck they call it in rugby) but refusing to yield any points. The All Blacks won 19-0 in a game that featured what seemed like a dozen missed kicks. Somewhere Mike Vanderjagt scoffed "I can do that."

The Mets won their 6th in a row on the road yesterday on the strength of a 3 hit shutout by Johan Santana. Johan finally figured out how to prevent the bullpen from blowing another sure victory by throwing only 5 pitches to retire the side in the 9th. Hey fuckheads how hard is that? The Mets looks to finish off their sweep of genuine baseball-like teams this afternoon in Pittsburgh and hold onto their slim 2 game lead over the Phillies.

Mets try a different tactic

Honestly, that's a new one. The Mets lost last night 5-2. The big blow of the night was a 2 out grand slam by the opposing pitcher Felix Hernandez who was caught on camera swinging with his fucking eyes closed. It was the first home run by a Mariners pitcher in their history (dating all the way back to like 1969) and the first grand slam by an American League pitcher since 1971. Of course the AL has been using their retarded designated hitter rule since 1972, limiting their opportunities.

Showing that they're not going to take that kind of shit from an AL pitcher, the Mets knocked Hernandez out of the game in the bottom of the fifth inning. Sure they could have strung together hit after hit and piled up runs in a stirring come from behind victory, but instead Carlos Beltran slid into Hernandez's ankle scoring from third on a wild pitch. The Mariners catcher tried to tag Beltran himself, which meant Hernandez was just kind of there in the way, but he's really fat so maybe he thought that would deter Beltran from sliding. Regardless, Hernandez had to leave, the Mets still couldn't score any runs, and Johan Santana took his third loss of the season in which he gave up only one earned run. Also, Hank Steinbrenner blew his top and demanded baseball institute a rule preventing runners from scoring from third on a passed ball or a wild pitch because of the dangerous position it can put the less athletic AL pitchers.

METS WIN!!!

With a dearth of genuine victories thus far, it seems prudent to really highlight the honest to goodness winning ballgames. No, seriously. The Mets scored more than the other team over the course of the appropriate 9 inning span. Billy Wagner got to throw blazing fastballs to opposing hitters in a save situation instead of bitter one-liners to bored beat reporters.

Johan Santana, signed in the offseason in part to prevent long losing streaks pitched 7 effective innings for the Mets. Santana to (Duaner) Sanchez to Wagner. I could stand to see that a few more times this season. Embattled (?) shortstop Jose Reyes extended his hitting streak to 9 straight games, much to the disappointment of Mets fans everywhere expecting him to hit in at least 11 or 12 of his last 9 games. Embattled (?) centerfielder Carlos Beltran reached base for the 30th consecutive start, but hit less than 4 grand slams earning derisive boos from the crowd.

Looking to the positives, subs Damion Easley, Ramon Castro, and Fernando Tatis combined for 5 hits and all 5 RBIs for the Mets. In addition, Pedro is scheduled to make his second start of the season June 3rd! All hail the savior! Pedro will make it all right, I KNOW he will. Rocks back and forth. All kidding aside, it'll be nice to have Pedro's voice in the locker, deflecting some attention away from the players who are less comfortable in front of the camera. Throwing his fastball in the mid to upper 80s and his changeup in the mid to upper 70s will help a lot too.

I just had a thought that scares the bejebus out of me

So I was sitting in the bathtub last night reading my ESPN the Magazine. I'll wait for a second for that image to sink into your head. Got it? Good. Sorry. So I was sitting in the bathtub last night reading my ESPN the Magazine. One of the cover stories is on C.C. Sabathia, the hefty ace of the Cleveland Indians and the 2007 Cy Young award winner. If the Indians let him reach free agency, Sabathia is in line to earn the largest contract for a pitcher in Major League history after this season, especially if the Yankees get involved in the bidding. The Mag had a little chart showing the largest contracts ever given to pitchers. They were:
Kevin Brown - 7 years, $105 million from the Dodgers in 1999
Mike Hampton - 8 years, $121 million from the Rockies in 2001
Barry Zito - 7 years, $126 million from the Giants in 2007
Johan Santana - 6 years, $137.5 million from the Mets in 2008

Here are the pitchers career records after signing their monstrous contracts:
Kevin Brown - 72-45 in 164 starts (average 10 wins, 6 losses, 23 starts, and $15 million per year)
Mike Hampton - 53-48 in 134 starts (average 11 wins, 10 losses, 27 starts, $15 million per year, hasn't pitched since 2005)
Barry Zito - 11-13 with a 4.53 ERA in the hitter-friendly NL park in San Fransisco. He got shelled in his first start this season. Only 6 seasons to go including this one Giants fans, a bargain at $18 million a year! That's barely over a million dollars per win! At least he hasn't been to the DL yet.

That brings me to Johan Santana who in his first start for the Mets was dominating. Hopefully he will continue to be the 200 inning workhorse he's been for the past several years but based on recent history, signing good pitchers to mammoth long-term contracts has not exactly paid dividends.

ESPN picked WHO?

Or is it whom? Fuck grammar.

Apparently, just about everyone over at the world wide leader picked the Braves to win the NL East. Not the Mets, not the Phillies, the fucking Braves. I feel like we've traveled down that path, and it leads to an early round flame out in the playoffs in front of a stadium half full of apathetic fans. Do we REALLY need to revisit all of that? Why not have dynamic, exciting players who have a chance to succeed in October? Or at least fail spectacularly.

Anyway, the front end of the Atlanta rotation is old and an injury risk. For that matter, most of the back end of the rotation is as well. They have an embarrassment of wealth in the bullpen, but middle relievers especially, with very few exceptions, tend to see their performance fluctuate drastically from season to season. Their offense, led by catcher Brian McCann, first baseman Mark Teixeira, and third baseman Chipper Jones (Fuck you Larry!) will be tremendous, but as always health in the starting rotation will be key for their success.

In more important news, Johan Santana makes his debut this afternoon in Florida, as the Mets kick off their season against the Marlins. Perhaps I'm asking for too much, but is a perfect game with 27 strikeouts an unreasonable request?

Mets to acquire Santana?

I just peed myself a little.