UConn basketball is good or something

In case you missed it, the UConn men's and women's basketball teams are going to their respective Final Fours this weekend. This marks the first time this has happened since UConn did it two years ago. In all seriousness it is really, really hard to do for any team not based in Storrs. The women's Final Four will feature two teams, UConn and Stanford, that have made the last four Final Fours. Before you get on your high horse about women's sports and parity, just remember the Red Sox and Yankees finished first and second in their division every season from 1998-2005 so blow me.

Anyway, the Huskies are led by their respective stars, Kemba Walker and Maya Moore. ESPN took advantage of their proximity to sit down with the two All-Americans before they jetted off to Houston and Indianapolis. It was an intense look into the daily lives of two college athletes furiously finishing their studies between relatively meaningless basketball games as their work towards their all important degrees. I kid, I kid, it was a typical ESPN fluff piece featuring two kids who have not seen the inside of a classroom in a month. Notice that the interview was done with both athletes sitting down because it might embarrass Kemba to stand next to the taller Maya.

Questions that ESPN should have asked and did not: Who got more tail during their time at Storrs? Who can bench press more, Maya or Shabazz Napier? Which was the bigger cheating scandal, Jim Calhoun and the phone calls or Geno Auriemma and the illegal tours of ESPN?

Answers that should have been given to questions that were actually asked: What skill of Kemba's would Maya like? Dunking. What skill of Maya's would Kemba like? Bringing a girl to orgasm.

Maya Moore is pretty

In this particular case, when I say pretty I mean her basketball game is a thing of beauty. In the highlights from ESPN below, the show a little of her scoring by her sweet, sweet jumper and her patented scoop move as she glides to the rim. It does not show how effortlessly she dominates a game. When her jumper is working, she will score whenever she wants from anywhere on the floor. Try to throw extra defenders at her and she finds the open teammate, usually for an uncontested layup. Despite all the talent and beauty, she still does the dirty work such as diving onto the floor after loose balls (*snicker*).

Moore is frequently compared to ghosts from UConn's storied past, most notably Diana Taurasi. She is also unfairly subjected to speculation as to how she would fare on a men's basketball team. The great thing to do right now is to appreciate her stature in the game today, relish every opportunity you get to watch her perform at the highest level, and hope she stays the hell out of Turkey.

When ugly is beautiful

The result was predictable, the game was anything but. The UConn women's unstoppable basketball powerhouse won its second consecutive championship, its 7th overall, and ran its unprecedented winning streak to 78 games. The foe was a familiar one, a Stanford Cardinal team that has met the Huskies in three consecutive Final Fours and holds the distinction of being the last team to emerge victorious. No slouches themselves, the Cardinals would be working on a tidy 59 game winning streak of their own if not for the pesky girls from Storrs. The two premier teams in the game whose combined 1 loss (and 0 to teams other than each other) was the fewest combined losses entering a championship game in history. Of course if you didn't know any of this you might have thought ESPN was airing a random high school girls basketball game when the halftime score sat at 20-12. 12!!!! This is the team that had annihilated every opponent by double digits for 77 consecutive games, and they had 12 points at halftime! In the previous 5 games of the tournament, they had surpassed 12 points by the 6 minute mark of each game. In the 25ish or so years Geno Auriemma has coached the team, the 12 points tied a record of ineptitude. After a tidy 26-7 spurt to start the second half, the Huskies found themselves in control and held on down the stretch. It was the lowest scoring national title game in history, but it still counts in the record books. Maya Moore won most outstanding player honors and deservedly so, but Tina Charles defense cannot be understated. All in all both teams played with grittiness and guts and all sorts of other adjectives you attach to shitty games when the play itself was so awful you need to justify talking about it afterward. Oh well, at least it was more exciting than the fucking Red Sox/Yankees game.

That was easy

The UConn women stormed through the NCAA field this year to the tune of a 39-0 record, their 6th national championship, and never had an opponent stay within single digits all season. This sets up the REAL national championship game between the UConn women and the North Carolina men, a game that will be closer than you think because of Tyler Hansbrough is deathly afraid of girls.

That was predictable

Top ranked and presumptive champion UConn added yet another Big East championship notch to their ratty-looking belt last night, slaughtering 5th (!!!) ranked Louisvilled 75-36 in a game that wasn't nearly as close as the final score indicated. Everything you need to know about the game can be summed up in two simple fact. First, I turned the game on several minutes into the second half, and watched several minutes before Louisville scored their first point of the half on a free throw just over 8 minutes in. Honestly, I was disappointed. I was rooting for the shutout. Second, when All-American Maya Moore left the game with about 8 minutes to go, she had outscored Louisvilled to that point 28-27. Thanks to the quirkiness of the scheduling, UConn will not get a chance for their third undefeated season for another two weeks.

Alex Ovechkin is pretty good

I could be negative and concentrate on Shea, uh, Citifield's brand-spanking new obstructed seats. But I won't. Mostly because that's the view from row 17 and I'm in row 14 so I should have a beautiful view of the field, at least.

I could make another derisive comment about the current state of women's college basketball in light of UConn's recent win but, um, actually, I'm going to go ahead and do that. Providence did MUCH better than nationally ranked Pittsburgh a couple of days ago, managing to keep pace with the Huskies to the tune of 24-6. That's a whole extra free throw! I'm just going to ignore the fact that UConn scored as many points in the first half as Providence did in the game. Well, kind of.

Instead I'm going to highlight Alex Ovechkin scoring yet another ridiculous goal. My favorite part of the video is Ovechkin calling it a "top ten" goal. I'll say! My least favorite part is the analysis from the ESPN guys. I mean, there's some good information there but for fuck's sake try and keep up with the highlight people! For those not in the know, "Matthew" is Matthew Barnaby who never, ever scored a goal like that. Actually, my favorite story about Matthew Barnaby is a quote from former teammate Jaromir Jagr. "Every time I see you in the shower I feel bad for your wife." Anyway, on to the highlight!

I'll check back in March

Hey, the UConn women's basketball team is playing a top 25 ranked opponent at home! It should only be a few minutes into the game, let me flip to it, see some high quality women's basketball. Jesus Christ. The uniforms look nice though. What else is on?

(AP Photo/Jessica Hill)

Weekend wrap up

So future home run king Alex Rodriguez used steroids. Color me shocked! He played for the Texas Rangers in the early 2000s! I mean how many of them could possible have done steroids? Oh yeah, ALL of them! A-Rod for some reason would not return my calls, but his ex-wife Cynthia had a comment.



Whoops! Sorry about that folks. A little profanity snuck in there. Don't know how that happened.

In news that people actually care about (i.e. me) the UConn men's basketball team held onto the #1 ranking for another week with impressive victories over Louisville and a very game Michigan team. The UConn women's team slaughtered another overmatched opponent. Well, I assume. I stopped paying attention when it became obvious they were so much better than everyone. Aw fuck it, I know what everyone wants, news of the Beanpot! Well saddle up kiddies because tonight #1 BU takes on #3 Northeastern for the right to the trophy (not pictured). It doesn't get much more exciting than two top college hockey teams with a natural, geographically induced hatred of each other. Besides, NU is good this year. How the hell did that happen?

Weekend wrap up

Maria Sharapova won the Australian Open. I didn't watch. Novak Djokovic won on the men's side. I didn't watch that either. I caught some of the replay on ESPN2 the next afternoon but it was clear after the first set that surprising Frenchman Jo Wilfried Tsonga just ran out of gas after an inspired first set.

On Saturday the UConn men surprised number 7 Indiana ending their 29 game home winning streak with a short-handed squad. Starter Jerome Dyson and top reserve Doug Wiggins were suspended for the game, rumor has it for alcohol related incidents. The team really rallied around each other, used their quicker guards to get Indiana's star freshman Eric Gordon in foul trouble, and actually made their free throws down the stretch. All in all it was as gutsy a win as the team has had in a few seasons. Coach Jim Calhoun is looking for people to provide Dyson and Wiggins with alcohol for tonight's game against Louisville.

Sunday night saw the UConn women beat their second top ranked team in a week with a dominating win at number 15 Notre Dame. Superstar freshman Maya Moore was unstoppable early on, scoring UConn's first 15 points. This forced the Fighting Irish to adjust their defense to stop Moore. Unfortunately for the home crowd, while Notre Dame effectively prevented Moore from scoring another point, they let the rest of the Huskies run rampant. It's a shame the injury bug tore down this team as I think they had a real shot to unseat defending national champions Tennessee. UConn's Tina Charles is probably the most dominant post player in the country, but it may not be enough to stop Candace Parker. It will be fun to watch though!

Speaking of fun, check out Ilya Kovalchuk's reaction when fellow Russian Evgeni Nabakov flat out robs him during yesterday's NHL All Star game. The game was seen by literally dozens of people on the Versus network. It was played in Atlanta home of Kovalchuk's Thrashers, making the reaction all the sweeter.

U! C! O! N! N!

I REALLY hate that cheer. I think part of my distaste is the fact that most of the people mindlessly shouting out letters couldn't spell "Connecticut". But what a game last night! Top ranked Connecticut took on third ranked North Carolina at UConn's Harry A Gampel Pavilion in lovely Storrs, CT. UConn started the game by allowing UNC to keep shooting until they scored. It was an odd choice by coach Geno Auriemma, but I was curious to see how his no rebounding strategy would pay off. Phenomenal outside shooting from guard Renee Montgomery and forward Maya Moore kept UConn within sniffing distance at the half, and Geno made the adjustment to the rebounding strategy in the second half.

Star center Tina Charles got the message, pulling down 19 boards and blocking 7 shots as UConn won going away. The highlight of the game for me personally was early in the second half. The Huskies were charging back forcing the Tar Heels to take a timeout to try to quell the run. The Husky fans, who to this point were most well known to me for chastising my father for talking during a game (true story, not this game) were on their feet and screaming. ESPN took the opportunity to take a 3 1/2 minute commercial break. By the end of the commercial, it was so quiet in Gampel you could almost hear the coaches shouting instructions at their players. But as the players made their way back onto the court the fans once again stood and began clapping and cheering on their players, nearly reclaiming the energy level from before the timeout. It was a level of maintained energy I just did not think possible for your typical crowd of grandmothers and high school girls.