In other hockey news...

Johan "the Mule" Franzen became the first hockey player in over 3 years and only the fifth player since 1994-95 to net 5 goals in a single game. With an awesome nickname like "the Mule" and a game reminscent of Peter Forsberg's, Franzen could easily be one of my favorite players in the NHL if only he didn't play for the fucking Red Wings. Fuck Detroit and their shitty cars, their white rappers, their Stanley Cup winning hockey teams and their pitchers who nearly throw perfect games. What's that, the fifth goal came on an empty net? Weak. Highlights here if you care.

Victory!

Holy crap I told you the Penguins had frickin missiles! For the first time since 1971 the road team won game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Maxime Talbot scored both goals in a 2-1 victory. Who the hell is Maxime Talbot? Fucked if I know! Some guy with way better facial hair than Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. Crosby didn't even make it through the game, crumpling to the ice after a check led to a knee injury. Goalie Marc-Andre Fleury played spectacular including a diving, sprawling save as time expired. The hero of the series is Detroit's Marion Hossa, who turned down a more lucrative offer from the Penguins to sign with Detroit because they had a better chance of winning the cup. Hahahahaha!

Presenting your Stanley Cup Champions!

The Detroit Red Wings won game 6 last night in dramatic fashion, clinching the Stanley Cup for the 4th time in the past 12 years. In case it didn't come through clearly, I was rooting like hell for Pittsburgh because fuck Detroit!

Anyway, Henrik Zetterberg deservedly took home the Conn Smyth trophy as the playoff MVP, scoring the eventual game winning goal in the third period. Pittsburgh goalie Marc Andre Fleury followed his 55 save virtuoso performance with a rather pedestrian effort in game 6. The third goal was a screened wrist shot that Fleury saved but could not hold. The puck trickled behind him and when he realized it he pushed the puck into his own net with his ass trying to flop backwards to cover it. Of course, without Fleury's heroics in game 5, this game never happens, so you really can't fault him. Much.

The game was not without its moments of controversy. Late in the third period with Detroit holding a seemingly insurmountable two goal lead, Pittsburgh was awarded a power play on a questionable hooking call. In a vacuum, it was a no doubt call as the Jiri Hudler had his stick parallel to the ice and used it to impede the progress of Evgeni Malkin. Given how the game and the series had been called to that point, it seemed like a no call. On the ensuing power play, Marian Hossa scored on a deflection of a Sergei Gonchar wrist shot. The reason Hossa was able to get a free stick on the shot was Pittsburgh's Ryan Malone slashed the stick out of Detroit's Andreas Lilja's hands, sending it spinning gracefully through the air. It made for a beautiful, artistic moment, but it was also a no doubt, easy to call slash on Malone that should have ended Pittsburgh's advantage.

Within a goal, Pittsburgh was making a final, desperate push with their goalie pulled for an extra attacker when Pavel Datsyuk gathered the puck for Detroit and skated towards the empty net. Right around the red line a Penguins player ripped Datsyuk's feet out from under him, sending the Russian sprawling and leading to one of the more exciting finishes to a playoff series I've ever seen. The puck worked its way across the ice as the time dwindled down. With only a few seconds left, all world superstar Sidney Crosby found the puck on his stick with a clear shot at the net. Crosby ripped off one of the great backhands you'll ever see. Red Wings goalie Chris Osgood got the tip of his glove on the shot and the puck trickled behind him. In a last desperate effort for a team that never gave up Hossa lunged for the loose puck and pushed it across the goal mouth as the clock wound down to zero.

It was a great end to a great series. The best team won and the NHL got a spectacular show out of its marquis match up.

You wouldn't make it in the NHL

Last night Pittsburgh survived game 5 in Detroit 4-3 in triple overtime. Petr Sykora scored about halfway through the 6th period on a power play goal. Ryan Malone planted himself directly in front of goalie Chris Osgood, blocking his vision on the winning tally. Earlier in the game Malone took a heavy slapshot off his already broken nose after planting himself directly in front of Osgood trying to block his vision. Hockey players are tough.

Penguins defenseman Sergei Gonchar earned an assist on the winning tally nearly two hours after he left the game with concussion-like symptoms that popped up when Gonchar crashed full speed head first into the boards. Gonchar on his game-winning assist said, "The game was so long. I wanted to help our guys. I started feeling better at the end of the second overtime, so I thought there was a chance." Hockey players are tough.

Sykora's goal came on a four minute power play. Defenseman Rob Scuderi took a high-stick to his face that caused a cut. The NHL has an automatic 4 minute penalty for any stick infraction that draws blood. Scuderi talking about his face said, "I was just praying for blood." Hockey players are out of their fucking minds.

Game 6 is back in Pittsburgh Wednesday night. Pretend it's a football game that moves faster than a snail's pace and doesn't stop every 8 seconds for 45 minutes for everyone to catch their breath and FUCKING WATCH IT!

Championship updates

The Celtics won then lost at home, and won then lost on the road. Based on my expert analytical skills, I predict this series to go at least 6 games. The Lakers and Spurs split in LA, then the Spurs took game 3 at home. A bunch of people who know a lot more about basketball than I do still feel the Lakers to be the better team in this series, and likely to emerge victorious. Then the discussion turned to whether or not this year's championship will mark the start of another dynastic run by the Lakers. Given that they've won exactly nothing so far, I'd have to go with a resounding yes!

In more important news, the Detroit Red Wings have taken a commanding 2 games to none lead in the Stanley Cup finals. Now winning the first two games at home is hardly cause for the engraver to start worrying about the correct spelling of Datsyuk, but the manner of the victories has NHL executives everywhere groaning at the prospect of Sidney Crosby NOT winning the ultimate prize. The Penguins have failed to record a single goal thus far in the Finals, and have looked pretty meek in doing so. It turns out that thus far in the playoffs, Detroit's best offensive line of Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, and Tomas Holmstrom has been their best defensive line, which is just fucking unfair. Given the ability to match lines, an advantage of the home team, coach Mike Babcock has been able to get his best defensive line out against Pittsburgh's top offensive line, while at the same time get his best offensive line out against Pittsburgh's weakest defensive players.

Heading back to Pittsburgh, look for the Penguins to try to match their Staal line against Detroit's Datsyuk line, freeing Sidney Crosby from the defensive duties he hasn't been performing anyway. Also look for Evgeni Malkin to show up, which would be nice considering as far as I can tell, Pittsburgh's best player this season forget to get on the fucking plane to Detroit.

All kidding aside, it is time to appreciate just how good this Red Wings team really is. With their ability to stifle opposing teams, even a one goal lead early in the first period is nearly insurmountable. Chris Osgood has been very good in net for the Wings, but by no means spectacular. In a way, it reminds me of Grant Fuhr, one of the winningest goalies of all time but far from one of the best. He just had the advantage of having Gretzky, Messier, and the rest of the 1980s Edmonton Oilers pumping 6+ goals a game by the opposing goaltender. Osgood went nearly 8 minutes in last night's game before he faced his first shot. It takes an incredible amount of focus to be ready at that point, especially since you know, I know, and Osgood definitely knows that woman in the 3rd row wasn't wearing any underwear. So tune in tomorrow night in spectacular HD (even on Charter!) to see if the Penguins get it rolling at home, or the ruthless winning machine in Detroit marches on to their seemingly inevitable championship.