Adding a verb to the hockey lexicon

A mere three weeks ago, Philly upset New Jersey and Boston upset Buffalo, setting the NHL up for its dream scenario of the Pittsburgh Crosbys facing off against the Washington Ovechkins with a spot in the Stanley Cup finals at stake. Unfortunately, commissioner Gary Bettman forgot to forward the memo to Montreal goalie Jaroslav Halak. Ovechkin claims he saw Halak's hand shake after a Washington goal early in their first round series. Apparently Halak overcame his nerves, to the tune of stopping 131 out of 134 shots over the last three games of that series to stun the top-seeded Capitals. The Montreal netminder proved it was no fluke turning back the defending Stanley Cup champions in seven games, including his second straight game seven road victory. Pittsburgh Penguins fans, I welcome you to the club. You have been...HALAKED!

The Marian Hossa Rule

It is a little known fact outside of hockey circles but the Chicago Blackhawks are destined to play in the Stanley Cup finals. Sorry to both San Jose Sharks fans out there, but the facts are indisputable. This is good news for whoever survives the Eastern Conference since the Blackhawks are destined to lose in the finals.

Two years ago the Pittsburgh Penguins acquired Marian Hossa at the trade deadline, a move that helped them reach the Stanley Cup finals before losing a thrilling series to the mighty Detroit Red Wings.

Last season Hossa signed with the Red Wings, spurning a more lucrative offer to remain in Pittsburgh because he "wanted the best chance to win the Stanley Cup, and [he feels] like Detroit is the team." The Penguins would go on to defeat the Red Wings in yet another memorable Stanley Cup finals.

This season Hossa signed a 12 year, $62.8 million contract with the Blackhawks. Only San Jose stands between Hossa and another opportunity to watch the opposing team raise the Stanley Cup while pondering what could have been.

Playoff update

My distaste for the Bruins is not a secret. That being said, their potential elimination of the Buffalo Sabres makes for a deliciously juicy Eastern Conference playoff picture. The NHL does not subscribe to a bracket style playoff system, so after the first round the highest remaining seed plays the lowest remaining seed, and the two middle seeds battle it out. Had the seeds held, the Capitals would once again be facing off against the Penguins in round two. With both Boston and the Philadelphia Flyers on the verge of upsetting their higher-seeded opponents, Washington and Pittsburgh look to be the top remaining teams in round two. That sets up the potential of a Caps v Pens eastern conference finals, which is what everyone wants to see anyway.

Wrapping up Wednesday night's action, the Caps won going away and the Canadiens goalie was not happy about it. Hey Carey, don't want to see the other team celebrate in front of you? How about making a fucking save? The Bruins won in double overtime. They actually scored THREE goals in this game. Of course, it took them nearly a half a game longer to reach that lofty total so let's go ahead and call that an average offensive night. The most exciting game of the night was Vancouver's 6-4 win in Los Angeles. This game saw 5 goals scored in the third period, or as many as the Bruins and Sabres scored total in almost 5 periods of play.

Caps win!

I'd love to give you some details about the game, but between Ike Davis debuting for the Mets and the fact that Versus showed the Bruins game instead, I don't have a clue. That's right, even though the game was locally available on NESN, Versus chose to show the Bruins, a team that hates offensive players over the Capitals. Both teams won, one team scored five goals the other team scored two. Guess which was which? This is like opposite world from baseball, who probably would have blacked the Bruins out on both channels. Anyway, Ovechkin scored, the Caps won and took a 2-1 series lead over the Canadiens.

In other hilariously ironic news, the Toronto Maple Leafs nabbed the second pick in the upcoming NHL entry draft, a pick they sent to Boston in exchange for high scoring winger Phil Kessel. Kessel had the audacity to score 30 goals for the Bruins in the '08-'09 season, signaling the end of his time in Boston. The Bruins will likely take center Tyler Seguin or winger Taylor Hall with the second pick, hoping to spin the talented forward for additional draft picks as soon as he dares to score 30 goals for the team.

John Carlson...winner

Hey, remember back in January when the US team stunned Canada in overtime to win the world junior championships? Turns out there may have been some talent on that American squad, and overtime hero John Carlson just keeps proving his mettle. Since being called up for good on January 15, Carlson recorded a goal and 5 assists while seeing 15 minutes of ice time a night. Add to that his first playoff goal, as he tied a wild affair in Washington at 5 with only 1:21 to go in the third period. Nicklas Backstrom would score 31 seconds into overtime, proving the age old adage that one hat trick (Backstrom's) is better than another (Montreal's Andrei Kostitsyn's) when you have a 20 year old kid from Natick, MA playing defense who only knows how to score heroic goals. At least, I'm pretty sure that's how it goes.

Hockey playoffs started!!!!

Four series began last night. ESPN's experts weighed in on each series. Let's see what they said and what transpired.

4 Pittsburgh versus 5 Ottawa

First of all, fuck Pittsburgh. They did the same fucking thing last year where they failed to win enough games to sew up the two seed which would lead to a potential Eastern Conference Finals pitting Crosby against Ovechkin. Anyway, according to Scott Burnside, the Penguins have too much depth at center and their goaltending is too good. Before the series started, he predicted Pittsburgh in 6. Game 1? 5-4 Ottawa.

2 New Jersey versus 7 Philadelphia

New Jersey ACTUALLY won the Atlantic division, earning the 2 seed and (theoretically) avoiding Washington until the conference finals. According to Pierre LeBrun, you should never bet against Martin Brodeur in a 7 game series, and in fact sees New Jersey prevailing in 7 games. Game 1? 2-1 Philadelphia.

4 Phoenix versus 5 Detroit

Pierre LeBrun picks the Wings. Of COURSE he picks the Wings. You always pick the Wings. They always fucking win. It would be boring except their teams are so damned awesome year after year. Their stars weren't quite as good as years past, they dealt with some injury problems, and Lidstrom finally started looking old, but after the Olympic break no team in hockey won more games. Phoenix is a nice story of a decent hockey team struggling in a stupid market that has no business hosting an NHL team. But hey they won enough games to lock up the 4 seed, something they only did one other time since the playoffs switched to their current format back in '93-'94. It was fun while it lasted but let's let the real hockey teams on through. Game 1? 3-2 Phoenix.

1 San Jose versus 8 Colorado

San Jose is ALWAYS the top seed. They ALWAYS lose. It's just one of those things. It couldn't possibly happen again, could it? Not with Dany Heatley adding to the scoring punch. Not matched up against a reeling Colorado team who surprised everyone just making the playoffs but struggled mightily since the Olympic break. The San Jose team is too deep, too talented, and too experienced. Scott Burnside certainly think so, he picked the Sharks in 5 games. Game 1? Uh, I guess the Sharks will win 4 straight because Colorado took it 2-1.

So there you have it. Four series predictions from ESPN and four supposed upsets in game 1. At least they're consistent!

This is news

The New York Giants will open their brand new $1.7 billion stadium on Sunday, September 12. The New York Jets will play their home opener in the same stadium on Monday, September 13. The Jets apparently got their frilly green panties in a bunch on the decision-making process here, and have gone public with their kvetching. It's a good thing nothing else in sports is going on this week, or else there's no way the morning sports talk radio shows would be able to ignore it all and talk about nothing else. It may be an overreaction, but people who spend more than 5 or 10 seconds worrying about the NFL in March should be executed. Just to be safe we should probably eliminate any direct relatives so they could not spread that defective DNA throughout the rest of the world.

In significantly more important news, Versus and DirecTV have come to an agreement allowing the channel to return to the satellite airwaves just in time for the impending NHL playoffs. This is good news for all NFL fans bemoaning the lack of sports in March as I am significantly less likely to stab them in the face. Unless they stick their face between me and the hockey playoffs on TV, in which case we can all agree they were asking for it.

Anything you can do I can do better

Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin did their best dueling banjos imitation last night, notching matching hat tricks in Washington's 4-3 victory. Obviously Crosby would be the smarmy northerner who can't keep up and Ovechkin is the southerner with no teeth but more talent. As is always the case in these situations, the game came down to David Steckel. Wait, who? I guess he's the dancing yokel. I don't know, this fell apart a lot faster than I thought it would.

Elisha Cuthbert has been avenged!

We've all seen the movie Sudden Death. OK, some people have seen Sudden Death. Fuck, even I haven't seen Sudden Death, but the premise of the movie is Jean Claude Van Damme dons the goalie equipment for an injured Pittsburgh Penguin and steps on the ice to make a key save in game 7 of the Stanley Cup playoffs. Also, there's bad guys and martial arts and in a surprise twist Van Damme kicks the shit out of everyone and saves the day. But that's just a movie right? I mean, shit like that doesn't happen in real life, does it? Au contraire mon ami! Meet Jack Bauer, all 5'9" of him.


When Jack appears, your day is about to get FUCKED UP, and there's nothing you can do. Agent Bauer took extreme offense to the off color remarks Sean Avery made about the actress who plays his daughter on TV and he wasn't about to let some damned Russians avenge her honor. OH NO! During a 3rd period TV timeout, Bauer jumped Sergei Federov on the bench, knocked him clean out and donned his equipment. So disguised, Bauerov calmly fired the game-winning goal just under the crossbar with 5 minutes to go, sealing the Capitals improbable comeback from a 3-1 series deficit.

Game 7, New Jersey wraps it up, wait wha?

For 58 minutes, 40 seconds, the New Jersey Devils were the better team Tuesday night. Overcoming an early soft goal through Martin Brodeur, the Devils found themselves leading by a goal with under 90 seconds to play. With the fans on their feet, the coaches congratulating themselves on the bench, and Brodeur daydreaming about violating yet another of his ex-wife's relatives, a desperate Carolina team scored on a spectacular play to tie the game with 1:20 remaining in the third.



No worries. You're the Devils, you're at home, you have the greatest playoff goalie of this generation and arguably the greatest goalie of all time in Marty Brodeur. Heck, you've dominated most of the game and the Hurricanes are going to be drained from their emotional comeback. Let's get this one to overtime and move on to round 2. Oh. Oh no.



That right there, that's not good. In fact, that's downright bad. That's Eric Staal saying "You want to fuck you're wife's sister? THIS IS HOW YOU FUCK YOUR WIFE'S SISTER! NOW GO HOME AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Methinks there's going to be a lot of lonely nights on redtube this summer for Mr. Brodeur.

NHL Playoffs, Round One Recap

Round 1 of the Stanley Cup playoffs wrapped up last night, and I must say it went out with a bang. My recap of the series as follows:

1 San Jose v 8 Anaheim

San Jose choked on a big fat dick again. Joe Thornton doing his best Pamela Anderson imitation below.


2 Detroit v 7 Columbus
3 Vancouver v 6 St Louis

Detroit dominates AGAIN. Vancouver doesn't suck. The Blue Jackets and Blues were probably just happy to be there.


4 Chicago v 5 Calgary

The Blackhawks emerge victorious versus fire! Actually, that's pretty cool. It's like revenge for the extermination of the people native to this land. Er, kind of.


1 Boston v 8 Montreal

The Bruins win 4 games to 0 in a series that was nowhere near as close as the final margin indicates.


4 Pittsburgh v 5 Flyers

I'm telling you man, the Penguins have fucking missiles. Also, the Flyers kind of suck.


I know what you're thinking, didn't I just skip two series? I did. 6 of the 8 series were inherently uninteresting. The other two went 7 games. Stay tuned for exciting recaps of the remaining two series.

NHL Playoffs Bonanza!

The most exciting 32 weeks in sports kicks off tonight, the Stanley Cup Playoffs! I could give you some expert analysis about who would win based on their matchups and goaltending, but I'm lazy and you wouldn't read anyway. Instead I'll do this NCAA pool style and pick by mascots.

Eastern Conference

1 Bruins v 8 Canadiens

We have bears versus a derogatory name for people who live in Canada. I'm going with Steven Colbert on this one. Bears, er, Bruins in 4.


2 Capitals v 7 Rangers

People with guns already rule Washington, so the obvious pick in this theme would be the Rangers, but you know what? Fuck Sean Avery! Capitals in 4.


3 Devils v 6 Hurricanes

Hurricanes fuck shit up. It's what they do. Of course, Devils are minions of Satan, whereas hurricanes are tools of good. Why else would they only attack the south? Anyway, 2000-2008 taught us anything, it's that evil always beats good in real life, so look for the dark lord to best the almighty this time in a hard fought 7 game series.


4 Penguins v 5 Flyers

What the fuck is a flyer? Fuck it, I'm assuming the penguins are the bad ass ones with missiles on their back from Batman Returns, therefore they will shoot their way to victory.


Western Conference

1 Sharks v 8 Ducks

They're not even the Mighty Ducks anymore. If they were mighty, maybe, but I think we all agree the Sharks come out on top on this one. Sharks in 3. The 4th game won't happen after all the Ducks get eaten.


2 Red Wings v 7 Blue Jackets

Blue Jackets...that's too bad. If they were yellow jackets they could fuck up a bunch of wings, but the blue ones? Um, we have something that seems to be a bird versus something that sounds like I should be wearing with beige pants, so I guess I'm going with the animal over the textile this time. Let's give it Wings in 7 and just move on.


3 Canucks v 6 Blues

We have another case of a derogatory term for Canadian citizens taking on an opponent, this time...depression. Normally this would be a no brainer, as most Canadians have to be depressed enough to be living in Canada but manage to plod along. In this case Vancouver is a fucking awesome city if you ignore the unemployment and meth problem, so the Blues will be a new feeling for them. It'll be a hard fought struggle to the end, but the Blues will come out on top in 7.


4 Blackhawks v 5 Flames

Hey look, it's the one team that uses a Native American (Indian, American Indian, what are we using these days?) as a mascot that actually honors its heritage! A noble mascot with a proud name. Too bad American history taught us that the natives didn't fare too well against fire. Look for the Flames to win in a matchup that won't be as exciting as it probably should be, let's say 5 games.


I was going to keep this going down to the finals, but I lost interest. Also, I couldn't decide who would win between sharks and fire. I mean, you throw a shark in fire and I'm pretty sure it burns, but sharks live in water, which it turns out is fire's biggest weakness (except in Ohio). Needless to say, the Devils will heft Lord Stanley's cup. Fuck.

Pens win!

The Penguins got on the scoreboard in a big way last night, jumping to leads of 2-0 and 3-1 before holding onto a 3-2 victory in game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Probably because he was laughing too hard at Sidney Crosby's attempt at a playoff beard, Red Wings goalie Chris Osgood was unable to stop the Penguins' captain's first two shots, and the underdogs from Pittsburgh held on for the rest of the game. Looking remarkably like their counterparts from Detroit, the Pens kept possession of the puck for most of the end of the third period, preventing the Red Wings from mounting a serious attack with their goalie pulled in the final minutes.

On a different note, Wings leading scorer Johan Franzen is amazing. He's roughly the size of a tractor trailer yet he's able to dance through opposing defenses like a young Peter Forsberg. What is it with giant Swedes being able to move like that? If I wasn't already taken by a dashing baseball player, I might be tempted to develop another man crush. Tune in Saturday night for the exciting game 4 on, oh fuck it, you're not going to watch anyway you football swilling assholes!

Championship updates

The Celtics won then lost at home, and won then lost on the road. Based on my expert analytical skills, I predict this series to go at least 6 games. The Lakers and Spurs split in LA, then the Spurs took game 3 at home. A bunch of people who know a lot more about basketball than I do still feel the Lakers to be the better team in this series, and likely to emerge victorious. Then the discussion turned to whether or not this year's championship will mark the start of another dynastic run by the Lakers. Given that they've won exactly nothing so far, I'd have to go with a resounding yes!

In more important news, the Detroit Red Wings have taken a commanding 2 games to none lead in the Stanley Cup finals. Now winning the first two games at home is hardly cause for the engraver to start worrying about the correct spelling of Datsyuk, but the manner of the victories has NHL executives everywhere groaning at the prospect of Sidney Crosby NOT winning the ultimate prize. The Penguins have failed to record a single goal thus far in the Finals, and have looked pretty meek in doing so. It turns out that thus far in the playoffs, Detroit's best offensive line of Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, and Tomas Holmstrom has been their best defensive line, which is just fucking unfair. Given the ability to match lines, an advantage of the home team, coach Mike Babcock has been able to get his best defensive line out against Pittsburgh's top offensive line, while at the same time get his best offensive line out against Pittsburgh's weakest defensive players.

Heading back to Pittsburgh, look for the Penguins to try to match their Staal line against Detroit's Datsyuk line, freeing Sidney Crosby from the defensive duties he hasn't been performing anyway. Also look for Evgeni Malkin to show up, which would be nice considering as far as I can tell, Pittsburgh's best player this season forget to get on the fucking plane to Detroit.

All kidding aside, it is time to appreciate just how good this Red Wings team really is. With their ability to stifle opposing teams, even a one goal lead early in the first period is nearly insurmountable. Chris Osgood has been very good in net for the Wings, but by no means spectacular. In a way, it reminds me of Grant Fuhr, one of the winningest goalies of all time but far from one of the best. He just had the advantage of having Gretzky, Messier, and the rest of the 1980s Edmonton Oilers pumping 6+ goals a game by the opposing goaltender. Osgood went nearly 8 minutes in last night's game before he faced his first shot. It takes an incredible amount of focus to be ready at that point, especially since you know, I know, and Osgood definitely knows that woman in the 3rd row wasn't wearing any underwear. So tune in tomorrow night in spectacular HD (even on Charter!) to see if the Penguins get it rolling at home, or the ruthless winning machine in Detroit marches on to their seemingly inevitable championship.

Interleague play, round 1

There has been much written over the years about how the AL is much better than the NL. This is mostly due to the fact that the AL is much better than the NL. Evidence is provided in the form of the AL teams stomping the NL teams annually in interleague play. After the first weekend of play the AL is still better...but it's closer. The AL took the overall record 22-19, helped greatly by the fact that the San Fransisco Giants are for some reason still considered an actual Major League baseball team. Take that sweep out of it and the NL earned a split with their AL rivals.

In more important news, the Mets swept a rain-shortened series from the Yankees at Yankee Stadium. After rain wiped away the first game on Friday, the Mets stomped the short-handed Bronx Bombers 7-4 and 11-2. In the finale on Sunday night, the Mets scored 7 runs on Yankee ace Chien Ming Wang despite having a 3-run home run erroneously called foul. Is it REALLY that hard to have the umpires look at instant replay to judge fair or foul, home run or double? It's 2008 people! We're not asking for a review of every pitch, just calls like this. Oh well.

In other news, the Penguins eliminated the Flyers in game 5 to advance to their first Stanley Cup playoffs since 1992. The Dallas Stars refuse to go away, winning the last 2 to force a game 6 in Dallas against the Detroit Red Wings, who had held a 3 games to none lead in the series. The Celtics won a tense game 7 against the Cleveland LeBrons to advance to the Eastern Conference finals against Detroit. The Celtics seem determined to prove that you can in fact win an NBA championship without winning a single game on the road, the reward for the best record of the regular season. Of course, they earned that distinction by having such a gaudy record on the road during the regular season, but now that their series with Detroit is officially tied 0-0 I guess it doesn't matter.

Finally Big Brown took another step towards the elusive Triple Crown in horse racing with a dominating win at the Preakness. You could see jockey Kent Desormeaux physically restraining Big Brown for most of the race before letting him lengthen his stride around the final turn. After taking a couple of peeks behind himself to verify no one was close, Desormeaux eased up on the throttle as Big Brown cruised to a 5 1/4 length victory. Big Brown races for the first Triple Crown since Affirmed in 1978 on June 7 at the Belmont Stakes, the longest of the three races at 1 1/2 miles.

ESPN to hire Don Cherry

Apparently ESPN has brough Don Cherry on board to help with the coverage of the NHL Playoffs. Don Cherry has been working for CBC's Hockey night in Canada for nearly 3 decades. This begs the interesting question, does this mean ESPN is planning on starting to cover the NHL Playoffs? It's about time, it's only the conference fucking finals!

Weekend wrap up since I'm too lazy to do a real post

The Metsies took two of three from Arizona this weekend in Phoenix, facing the Diamondback's top three starters in the process. All in all it was a solid series from the boys, although once again the bullpen managed to put a 1 run game out of reach on Saturday. The offense looked livelier than it had in weeks, possibly due to the returns of Moises Alou and Brian Schneider. Look for the Mets to get on a roll for at least a week or two until Alou goes down and is out until August. Fun factoid of the day: Jorge Sosa earned his fourth victory in relief last night, giving him one more total win than Johan Santana.

The final four teams are set in hockey. Pittsburgh took down the Rangers in game 5 setting up an all Pennsylvania Eastern Conference finals. Root like hell for the Penguins just for watchability's sake. The Flyers play a thuggish, boring style of hockey that slows the games down and generally succeeds in the playoffs. We need to break from the mold!

The Dallas Stars finally eliminated the San Jose Sharks last night in the 4th overtime, a game that ended well after 2 AM Eastern time. Needless to say I did not stay up to watch the end of it. Sadly, neither did Sharks goalie Evgeni Nabakov who had to be woken up after allowing the series-ended goal. Four of the six games went into overtime, and a fifth was also decided by one goal. Up next are the mighty Detroit Red Wings.

On a personal note, my three least favorite teams in the NHL are the Red Wings, the Stars, and the Flyers. It goes without saying that I'll be rooting for the Penguins here on out, but out west I would like to see Detroit prevail, not because they're a better matchup for "my" team but because, dammit, they scored 8 goals in their series clincher against Colorado, and that kind of offensive skills makes for better hockey.

Come on Montreal!

Act like you've been there before! If you peruse the list of Stanley Cup champions, you might notice the Montreal Canadiens appear once or twice. Or, you know 22 times! So when I read the fans rioted after eliminating the Boston Bruins in game 7 of their opening round series, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Look, I know it was a big win and a thrilling end to the series, but it was the first round! And the Canadiens were the #1 seed! And they nearly blew a 3-1 games lead in the series! You know how many times the Bruins have ever come back from that kind of deficit in a playoff series? How about none! That's right Canadiens fans. Your team just beat a team they are much better than in a series that went far longer than it should have. Let's light some police cars on fire! Asshats.

If the Washington Capitals are able to complete their own remarkable comeback from a 3-1 series hole tonight, the Canadiens will face the New York Rangers in another matchup between Original Six teams. Believe me, a team with leaders and champions like Brendan Shanahan, Chris Drury, Scott Gomez, and oh yeah Jaromir Jagr might be a little tougher than a bunch of fucktards from Boston. Get your act together Canadiens fans, there's no trophy for losing in the second round.

Crisis in Flushing

Walking out of a dejected Shea Stadium Sunday afternoon after the Mets had dropped their second straight game to the Milwaukee Brewers, I was accosted by an irate fan. And by irate I mean drunk. He was screaming and yelling at how much the team sucks and they have to blow everything up. "Send that bum Santana back to Minnesota!" Are you serious? He's only the best pitcher in baseball, let's give up on him after 3 starts! "Yeah, but he's 1-2!" I'll grant you that he did not pitch well on Saturday. It happens. It also happens that the Brewers have one of the best offensive lineups in all of baseball. In Santana's other loss, he gave up 3 hits and 1 run. Sometimes you just get beat.

What is of more immediate concern to me is the bullpen's utter inability to give Willie any sort of consistent outing. He calls on them in close games to keep the Mets within striking distance, and without fail one of his relievers will give up a few extra runs. The Mets offense is good enough to scrape together a run against just about any team in the league, but it is disheartening to watch 1 or 2 run games turn into 3 run or greater deficits. Hell, it even gives Eric Gagne the confidence to pitch well!

Fuck it, on to more entertaining news, the Stanley Cup playoffs are in full swing. Sidney Crosby and his fellow Penguins have taken a commanding 3-0 lead in their series with Ottawa. The longer Crosby remains in the playoffs, the better it is for the NHL. Detroit coughed up a game to Nashville, giving the Predators hope in that series. The Rangers did the same to New Jersey in a series that has seen the road team win all 3 games so far. Montreal lost a game to the Bruins, who I suspect had a hard time filling the place with their asinine alcohol serving policy, as the crowd seemed nearly split between Bruins and Canadiens fans Sunday night.

To me, the most exciting series so far has been between Minnesota and Colorado out west, and not just because Peter Forsberg is skating for the Avalanche in the postseason again. All three games have been won in overtime by identical 3-2 scores, with Minnesota holding a 2-1 lead in the series going into game 4 tonight. This is what playoff hockey is all about. Two teams so evenly matched, the slightest of bounces can be the difference in a series. You can never take a shift off and you can never sulk on the bench with your dark visor covering the fact that you're asleep while your team fades out of the playoffs like a little bitch.

Now that's a level of ineptitude I hadn't seen since...the day before!

The Mets beat the Phillies last night 8-2. The Philadelphia starter Kyle Kendrick didn't make it out of the 3rd inning. His line was 2.1 innings pitched, 4 hits, 7 runs, 1 earned. ONE earned run out of seven? You have to TRY to be that bad. I've read in a lot of circles that David Wright should have won the MVP last year. I'm not even trying to be a homer there. All the numbers point to Wright as the true MVP. Jimmy Rollins of the Phillies won it instead. He missed last night's game with a sprained ankle. His replacement committed two of the three errors in the third inning. Maybe Rollins is a little more valuable to his team than we thought...

In more important news, the NHL playoffs started last night!!! I got to watch the games in stunning regular definition because my cable company does not carry the Versus network in HD. Personally I think it adds to the viewing experience when the picture gets choppy and pixelated every time the camera pans into the corner. Fuck you Charter! Fuck you in your worthless asses! Anyway, in the East second-seeded Pittsburgh stomped all over Ottawa 4-0 in a game that wasn't really that close. The fifth-seeded Rangers beat the fourth-seeded Devils for the first time in nine tries this season, stealing a game 4-1 in New Jersey. In the West, third-seeded Minnesota fell to Peter Forsberg, I mean the sixth-seeded Colorado Avalanche in overtime. I have to say, the NHL feels just a little better when Forsberg is wearing that Avalanche sweater. The seventh-seeded Flames took out the second-seeded Sharks 3-1.

A few notes from the games. First off a scary moment in the Ottawa v. Pittsburgh game. Midway through the second period defenseman Anton Volchenkov tripped over a skate trying to block a shot and fell face first into the puck. He was cut on the forehead and had to leave the game. Volchenkov was unable to return to the game because his head swelled too much to put on his helmet. That's right, his concern was not that he'd been hit in the face with a puck, but that he couldn't fit his helmet over the bruise it left! Hockey players, I mean real ones, are a different breed.

Secondly, Joe Sakic is fucking amazing. At 38 years old, which is a young whippersnapper these days but ancient in the world of professional sports, he scored his 8th career overtime playoff goal. That makes him the career leader in that stat. It helps to be in the right place at the right time, but after that many game-winners, it can't be an accident that the puck keeps finding him.

Third, Joe Thornton is one of the very best hockey players in the whole world. His combination of size, skating ability, and soft hands is nearly unequaled. Unfortunately he is missing that intangible something that makes the truly great players special. His numbers generally go down in the playoffs, indicating an unwillingness to sell out and push his body just a little farther than it wants to go in order to win. A man with no such qualms is Jarome Iginla. He is not quite as big, does not skate as well, and his hands are just a tad clumsier, but he is undeniably one of the very best playoff performers in the world. He carries nearly all of the offensive load on a primarily defensive team that season after season overachieves in the playoffs.

Fourth, the Rangers imported Chris Drury and Scott Gomez specifically for this time of year. After generally underachieving all season, Drury and Gomez were two of the key players in beating the Devils for the first time all season. Gomez had three assists and Drury won an astonishing 78% of his faceoffs.