October excellence

What a performance! A decorated superstar comes up huge in a 6-1 October victory over a storied opponent. I'm talking of course about Sidney Crosby's hat trick against the Montreal Canadiens. Such wizardry and confidence in one's ability around the net is really something to behold. Check out the master here.



Why, did you think I meant another dominating October performance? Oh. Video highlights here. Check out the defensive plays Lee makes around the 2:20 mark and the 2:48 mark. The Phucking Phillies have a 1-0 series lead with game 2 scheduled for tonight when noted head case Pedro Martinez takes the mound for the Phillies while noted head case A.J. Burnett starts for the Damn Yankees.

It's officially hockey season

As expected, the Tampa Bay D**** Rays finally came down to earth last night. The base running blunders, the relief pitching, the fielding, all the little things an inexperienced team just won't bring to the table game in and game out over the course of a 162 game season bit the D**** Rays in the butt. This is not to take anything away from the Phillies but...naw fuck Philadelphia!

I am confused by my emotions

Why did I let out a little cheer and a fist pump when the Phillies escaped the 8th inning last night with a 6-2 lead? Could it be that I was actually rooting for Philadelphia to win? Oh fuck me! I am! After having gone on record against the Mets fierce rivals, I've realized my hatred for the asinine designated hitter has blinded my judgment and forced me to root for the National League entrant into the World Series. Or maybe I just desperately want to root for a team that wins for once, and with the Phillies up 3-1 in the series you have to like their chances. Possibly I'm just pretending to root for Philadelphia because EVERY team I root for loses, and this is my last, desperate ploy to get them to lose cause let's be honest here, FUCK Philadelphia. I'm so confused! In any rate, the Tampa Ray D**** Rays must win tonight in Philadelphia, something no visiting team has done so far this postseason. They must also defeat Phillies ace Cole Hamels, something else no opponent has been able to do this postseason. What does this all mean? Look for Tampa to win in a laugher.

Cole Hamels has arrived

Oh sure, you could make the argument that being an All Star last year and finishing 6th in the Cy Young voting his second year in the league would have meant something. Apparently going 6 2/3 innings and giving up 3 runs but earning a loss in your first career postseason outing means jack shit. Nope, you have to wait until THIS postseason when you don't pitch much better but earn a bunch of wins to get some national recognition. On the bright side, thus far this postseason has highlighted how completely overrated Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins are. Here we are, one game into the World Series and Howard has 8 hits and 3 RBI. Ladies and gentleman your 2008 National League MVP! I'm SURE the Phillies would rather have this guy than Albert Pujols. Rollins thus far has 9 hits, 2 RBI, and 6 runs, the latter stat highlighting the importance of the other players on the Phillies, as he scored an amazing 80% of the time he was on base in the NLCS. I can't wait until the Rays start intentionally walking Chase Utley with men on base to get to the 2 time MVP. Fantastic.

Balls

Well that sucked. In a perfect confluence of getting fucked by sports I managed to switch right from Eli's 3rd interception being returned for a touchdown to the Dodgers blowing a 5-3 8th inning lead to the fucking Phillies. The Mets couldn't close out late-inning leads, how come they have to miss out on the opportunity to do this in the postseason?

Looking to the positives from the football game, the Giants running game continued to be impressive, although you have to wonder why they abandoned it for most of the first three quarters. The emergence of Steve Smith as a valuable possession receiver has been wonderful to watch. All of Eli's forced throws off his back foot into triple coverage looked like tight spirals instead of the wobbly crap we used to see him toss up for grabs. On the downside, the line play on both sides of the ball, far and away the biggest strength of the team was atrocious, and oh yeah THE DODGERS GAVE UP THE GAME WINNING HOME RUN TO FUCKING SHANE VICTORINO! FUCK YOU AND YOUR FLYIN HAWAIIAN! NEXT TIME SWING WITH YOUR FUCKING EYES OPEN! DAMMIT!

College football blows

I always kind of defended it. You know, it's cute, sure the players aren't as good but the passion of the fans is there man. Then I spent a weekend surrounded by fucking Gator fans doing the fucking Gator chomp. I am here to tell you, this is a proven fact, I have the goddamned police report to prove it. If you're 30 years old and spend an entire wedding on the dance floor doing the Gator chomp, I can hit you with a fucking chair. At a certain point you have to grow up, put a bra on, and understand that the more civilized among us are going to wander away from a bunch of drunken, obnoxious kids reliving their college glory days to go watch the baseball game.

In interesting news, the Red Sox and Rays split over the weekend. Dice K flirted with a no-hitter in game 1 after walking the bases loaded in the first inning. I still think they should be able to hit him with a bat when he's nibbling like that. Game 2 was a very different affair with a record-tying 7 home runs. It was just what you expect in a matchup of aces Scott Kazmir and Josh Beckett. Oh yeah, you might expect a low-scoring affair with lots of strikeouts. Well, they're both hurt and it showed. Game 3 is this afternoon.

The Dodgers finally got on the board against Philadelphia, proving once again that Jamie Moyer completely sucks in the postseason. Of course on the radio they are wondering why the Dodgers will start Derek Lowe on 3 days rest tonight instead of a 40-something year old soft-tosser in Greg Maddux. Obviously Mr. Cowherd did not pay any attention to what happened to the last 40 year old soft tosser who started in this series. I mean honestly, who remembers ALL the way back to last night? That bottle of scotch wasn't going to drink itself!

Your friday question of the day

What does it mean when the pirate at work closes the door to his office before leaving to wander the building? Maybe he just farted and doesn't want to let the sweet scent of his own colon escape to the rest of the office? Maybe he has kidnapped a fair maiden and has her tied up in there? Well, actually, that's definitely not it. Only way he gets close to a fair maiden is if he tasers her first, and I'm pretty sure someone would have noticed him dragging an unconscious female through the lobby. Ok, I'm moderately confident someone would have noticed him dragging an unconscious female through the lobby. Hmmm....maybe he kidnapped a fair maiden and has her tied up in there? Most likely he didn't want anybody to see the kiddie porn he's got up on his computer monitor that wisely faces the door. Sure, you could just minimize it but that seems like a lot of effort when you want to take a leak. Seriously, the kid is fucking creepy. What's that? Oh yeah, this is a sports blog, um, so the Leafs beat the Red Wings in Detroit, Boston beat Colorado in Denver, Vancouver shut out Calgary at home, and San Jose stopped Anaheim at the Shark tank. Also, the Phillies took a 1-0 lead in the NLCS behind a good bottom of the 6th inning and some great pitching from Cole Hamels. I didn't watch any of it.

That was close

The New York football Giants squeaked out a win against Seattle 44-6 this afternoon. Offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride enjoyed the freedom of being able to call whatever the hell he wanted whenever the hell he wanted knowing that at any time he could just hand the ball off to Brandon Jacobs, Derrick Ward, or Ahmad Bradshaw and pick up 10 or so yards. It turns out the Seahawks defense just isn't very good.

In baseball news, both the Phillies and Dodgers closed out their division series this afternoon meaning I might have to root for a beer league softball team in the World Series. Fuck that. Is it hockey season yet? Sweet.

Go...Rays?

Well, Tampa won. That makes teams I support 1-5 so far this postseason. Philly and the Dodgers jumped to commanding 2-0 leads in their respective series. Milwaukee is in trouble as they were counting on at least 3 victories from CC Sabathia this series, meaning he will have to start and win the next 3 games. The Cubs are in trouble because they're the Cubs. Also, they were the team I was rooting for to win it all, and they lost the first two games at home. It's not impossible for them to win the next 3 games in a row, but I wouldn't exactly start making plans for a Windy City Series. At least Tampa won. Super rookie Evan Longoria Parker, er Eva Longoria, er, whatever homered in his first two at bats but only singled in a run his third time up, proving once again that rookies can't handle the pressure of postseason play.

At least I'm consistent!

EVERY team I root for loses. Need proof? In the LDS, I'm rooting for the Cubs, against the Phillies (FUCK Philadelphia), and against the insufferable Red Sox fans. Three games were played last night, and who won? That's right, the Phillies over the Brewers, the Dodgers over the Cubs, and Red Sox over humanity. I mean the Red Sox over the Angels. As an interesting side note, the Red Sox have now won 10 consecutive postseason games over the Angels, tying the record set by the A's who won 10 straight in October against the Red Sox.

Stay classy Atlanta

Naw, I'm just kidding, get fucked. Seriously, after fighting and clawing through every game over the weekend in Shea, the Braves and their retarded tomahawk chop rolled over and played dead for the Phillies. With three games left to play this season, the Braves are 2-13 against Philadelphia including 0-9 at home. Seriously, you didn't win ONE fucking game at HOME against a division rival? Hey, here's an idea, maybe next year you shouldn't let the Phillies players stay in your houses and fuck your wives! It seems that made them a little too comfortable.

It's better to be lucky than good

Actually, that's bullshit. It's better to be lucky AND good, and the Mets seem to be pulling that off right now. Heading into a critical three game series against the hated Phillies, the Mets wrapped up a three game sweep in Milwaukee. The Brewers lead the National League wild card race largely on the strength of their dominant starting pitching. However CC Sabathia threw a one-hit shutout Sunday afternoon, meaning the Brewers ace A would not pitch against the Mets. On Monday, ace B Ben Sheets dominated the Mets for 5 innings before pulling himself from the game with a tweaked hair follicle, or something like that. The NL East leaders came from behind to win that game, won an extra-innings affair in the major league debut of John Niese the next night before finishing off the sweep in a dominating performance yesterday afternoon. Meanwhile, the rivals from Philadelphia ran into a suddenly and inexplicably hot Nationals team in Washington, dropping two of three. An unlikely three game sweep of the Phillies this weekend at Shea would put the Mets in prime position for another historic collapse.

The Mets win!!!

Well, they won a series from the Phillies, which is a rarity given that in doing so they broke a 9 game losing streak to the Phillies dating back to the end of last season. Of note in the game was Jose Reyes getting a two out double in the bottom of the twelfth and Angel Pagan following with a game-winning single. I guess there was some controversy about whether or not Reyes tagged the plate before he was tagged by the catcher. While the catcher successfully blocked the plate preventing Reyes from sliding across with his foot, he clearly tagged the bottom of the plate with his left hand just ahead of the catcher slapping a tag on his sweet, sweet ass.

Early in the season Pagan has been impressive filling in for the oft-injured Moises Alou in left. He had a monstrous spring and earned his starting spot in the lineup, and now finds himself in a position to drive in game-winning runs in extra innings at the top of the lineup. Good for him. I hope he's able to continue his success as he is a young player, something the Mets are hurting for after Reyes and Wright.

I didn't see any of the Stanley Cup playoff games, and honestly nothing terribly noteworthy happened that I'm aware of. I will say that Montreal trounced Boston in game one 4-1, which just goes to show that if you're a bunch of worthless assholes who throw people out of your home building for drinking while they are legally old enough to do so, bad things will happen to you. Let's go Habs!

Something that everyone definitely missed was the two big upsets in college hockey last night. Relegated to Thursday night on ESPN in an effort to not conflict with the basketball tournaments, BC annihilated North Dakota 6-1. The midwest has long dominated the college hockey scene. This year only 5 of the 16 teams in the tournament were from the East. Of those 5, only BC and Clarkson made it out of the opening round. Clarkson fell to #1 overall seed Michigan in the quarterfinals, but BC prevailed through to the Frozen Four by taking out #2 overall Miami of Ohio. BC showed that New Englanders can still play hockey by stomping North Dakota. At least they showed New Englanders can still recruit enough Canadians to come to our area and represent our cities in college hockey.

The big upset of the day was Notre Dame taking out Michigan. In their first ever trip to the Frozen Four, the fourth seeded Fighting Irish (think a 16 seed in the basketball tournament) jumped out to an early 3-0 lead then regrouped and won in overtime after blowing it to the mighty Wolverines. Literally dozens of Irish fans rejoiced that they could at least beat Michigan in SOMETHING. The finals are Saturday at 7 PM and no, I will not be watching either.

Now that's a level of ineptitude I hadn't seen since...the day before!

The Mets beat the Phillies last night 8-2. The Philadelphia starter Kyle Kendrick didn't make it out of the 3rd inning. His line was 2.1 innings pitched, 4 hits, 7 runs, 1 earned. ONE earned run out of seven? You have to TRY to be that bad. I've read in a lot of circles that David Wright should have won the MVP last year. I'm not even trying to be a homer there. All the numbers point to Wright as the true MVP. Jimmy Rollins of the Phillies won it instead. He missed last night's game with a sprained ankle. His replacement committed two of the three errors in the third inning. Maybe Rollins is a little more valuable to his team than we thought...

In more important news, the NHL playoffs started last night!!! I got to watch the games in stunning regular definition because my cable company does not carry the Versus network in HD. Personally I think it adds to the viewing experience when the picture gets choppy and pixelated every time the camera pans into the corner. Fuck you Charter! Fuck you in your worthless asses! Anyway, in the East second-seeded Pittsburgh stomped all over Ottawa 4-0 in a game that wasn't really that close. The fifth-seeded Rangers beat the fourth-seeded Devils for the first time in nine tries this season, stealing a game 4-1 in New Jersey. In the West, third-seeded Minnesota fell to Peter Forsberg, I mean the sixth-seeded Colorado Avalanche in overtime. I have to say, the NHL feels just a little better when Forsberg is wearing that Avalanche sweater. The seventh-seeded Flames took out the second-seeded Sharks 3-1.

A few notes from the games. First off a scary moment in the Ottawa v. Pittsburgh game. Midway through the second period defenseman Anton Volchenkov tripped over a skate trying to block a shot and fell face first into the puck. He was cut on the forehead and had to leave the game. Volchenkov was unable to return to the game because his head swelled too much to put on his helmet. That's right, his concern was not that he'd been hit in the face with a puck, but that he couldn't fit his helmet over the bruise it left! Hockey players, I mean real ones, are a different breed.

Secondly, Joe Sakic is fucking amazing. At 38 years old, which is a young whippersnapper these days but ancient in the world of professional sports, he scored his 8th career overtime playoff goal. That makes him the career leader in that stat. It helps to be in the right place at the right time, but after that many game-winners, it can't be an accident that the puck keeps finding him.

Third, Joe Thornton is one of the very best hockey players in the whole world. His combination of size, skating ability, and soft hands is nearly unequaled. Unfortunately he is missing that intangible something that makes the truly great players special. His numbers generally go down in the playoffs, indicating an unwillingness to sell out and push his body just a little farther than it wants to go in order to win. A man with no such qualms is Jarome Iginla. He is not quite as big, does not skate as well, and his hands are just a tad clumsier, but he is undeniably one of the very best playoff performers in the world. He carries nearly all of the offensive load on a primarily defensive team that season after season overachieves in the playoffs.

Fourth, the Rangers imported Chris Drury and Scott Gomez specifically for this time of year. After generally underachieving all season, Drury and Gomez were two of the key players in beating the Devils for the first time all season. Gomez had three assists and Drury won an astonishing 78% of his faceoffs.

Running diary of the last opening day in Shea Stadium history

Yesterday marked the final time the Mets would open the season at Shea Stadium. Since it first opened its doors in 1964, it housed two world champions, two other National League champions, and some of the greatest players to have ever laced up their cleats. Unfortunately, most of those players played for the visiting teams, but that's not the point. Here's what transpired:

Stupid work won’t let me stream audio, so even though I’m willing to spring for MLB radio, I can’t listen online. So I will attempt to glean what happens through the static.

1:17 Two runners on and only one out with Ryan Howard at bat. I actually “heard” Chase Utley’s at bat, but I have no idea how he got on [editor's note: It was a hit-by-pitch]. And Howard pops out. It sounded like centerfielder Carlos Beltran had trouble tracking the ball. Still waiting for the first brutal string of curses of the day.

1:18 So I have a meeting today at 2:00. Guess how excited I am about that. Just guess. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for me to murder someone to get out of the meeting. I bet the cop will let me listen to the FAN on the way to jail.

1:21 After some technical difficulties, we’re back! Announcer Howie Rose got excited because Oliver Perez struck out Pat Burrell to end the inning. That’s like getting excited because the sun rose in the east this morning. Burrell averages 160 strikeouts over a 162 game season.

1:25 David Wright hits it back to the track…and caught. Down goes the erection.

1:29 Beltran grounds out weakly to end the inning. On the bright side, it saved me the disappointment of Carlos Delgado striking out. You take what you can get.

1:34 Pop foul out of reach of rightfielder Ryan Church and second baseman Luis Castillo. Let’s see if that comes back and haunts them.

1:35 The rare 3-3 double play. One hopper to firstbaseman Carlos Delgado who stepped on the bag and tagged out the runner from first who didn’t have a chance to run. Sweet. That’s probably better than getting the pop foul caught.

1:39 Just like I predicted, Delgado homered to right. 1-0 Mets.

1:40 Fly out to the wall by Angel Pagan. That’s the third well hit fly ball of the game, counting the homer and Wright’s long fly out in the first.

1:43 Apparently I missed Church getting hit by a pitch. Good thing Jamie Moyer can’t break glass with his fastball. I did, however, clearly hear Brian Schneider’s double play.

1:47 Just got my first reminder for the meeting at 2:00. I hate meetings.

1:49 Quick 1-2-3 inning for Perez, just what the Mets needed after taking an early lead.

1:56 1-0 Mets after two innings, and now it’s time for my meeting. Crud.

3:20 And we’re back. What did I miss? Scott Schoenweis is pitching, that can’t be good.

3:21 On the one hand, the bases are loaded with one out. On the other hand, they just hit Utley with a pitch for the third time, and that’s kind of funny. Hey, 2-0 Mets!

3:22 FUCK! SHIT! DAMN! Howard grounds to Delgado at first who throws to second to try to get the force there. He hits Utley right in the back, everyone’s safe, and Shane Victorino scores from second, tie game. Of course, that’s the second time this inning Utley’s been hit in the back with a throw, which is still pretty funny.

3:29 Jorge Sosa relieves and Burrell flies to deep right, caught by Church. Utley tags and makes it to third. I’m a little sad they didn’t throw the ball in and hit him in the back. 2 outs.

3:31 Base hit, 3-2 Phillies. That was an audible “goddammit” here at work. I should have stayed in the meeting.

3:33 Pop out, inning over. On the bright side, after this season Schoenweis is only signed for one more year, so at the most he can probably only cost the team 10 or 15 wins.

3:36 My friend Big Poppa just called a home run for Beltran to tie the game. I feel much better now.

3:37 Base hit Schneider on the first pitch. I hope Big Poppa is proved wrong by the Mets taking the lead before Beltran gets up.

3:38 They just said on the radio Perez had a great effort. He didn’t get out of the sixth inning. I guess the standards for a “great effort” have changed. He didn’t give up any runs, so he has that going for him.

3:39 And Endy Chavez grounds into a double play. Damn. Big Poppa’s still looking good on his prediction. Hey, single for Jose Reyes! Let’s see if he can steal his first base of the season.

3:42 Damion Easley flies out to left, not giving Reyes a chance to steal. The announcers got excited for a minute there. Damn.

3:46 And Aaron Heilman walks the leadoff guy. Sweet. Why would you want to face the bottom of the order with no one on base when you could face the best hitters with guys on? That makes perfect sense.

3:48 Sacrifice bunt and Rollins hits an RBI single under Delgado’s glove. I didn’t see it but I’m assuming he could have gotten that one.

3:49 Passed ball, Rollins to second. This is brutal.

3:51 And he walks Victorino because you need more runners on base for Chase Utley and Ryan Howard. Good show.

3:55 RBI double. Gee, didn’t see that coming. Now to intentionally walk Howard to load the bases.

3:58 Infield fly. Don’t worry, I don’t know what that means either. Two outs, bases are still loaded.

4:00 Fly out, inning over, and for the second straight inning, the Phillies sent eight men to the plate. Coincidentally, or perhaps not, for the second straight inning the Mets were booed off the field by their fans. Hey, only 80 more home games to go!

4:03 David Wright is leading off. I’m predicting a lead off three-run homer. Hey, fuck you, it can happen!

4:04 Or, you know, strike out on three pitches. That’s practically the same thing.

4:06 They just announced that the Mets bullpen has given up 14 runs over the last three games so far. That’s not good. Trust me, I’m an expert. Hey, double for Beltran! Now it’s time for Delgado to strike out.

4:10 Delgado grounds out to second after a decent at bat. Two outs, Beltran to third.

4:14 And pinch-hitter Brady Clark walks bringing up Ryan Church as the tying run.

4:16 Slow roller to Utley who makes the play to first. 5-2 after eight.

4:22 Quick 1, 2, 3 inning for Carlos Muniz who was just called up to replace the injured Matt Wise. Maybe he should have pitched in the 7th or 8th inning!

4:24 Well one of the Mets last hopes went by the wayside. Enigmatic closer Brad Lidge is already dinged up and overworked, so they will face Tom Gordon instead.

4:25 Schneider leads off with a 3 pitch strikeout. At least he’s not making us wait around for this.

4:27 Endy Chavez grounds out to the pitcher. It’s all up to Reyes to keep the game going.

4:28 And Reyes flies out to the wall in right. Fuck this, I could’ve been working! Final score is 5-2 Phillies, and Scott Schoenweis gets a big L stamped on his record.