Monday traditions

I have a new favorite tradition. I come into work, I futz around for a couple of hours, then I go search out a coworker of mine who is a diehard Giants fan, we high five and discuss the latest Giants victory. 3 or 4 weeks in a row now, he has claimed "I thought the game would be closer."

Once again, I am impressed with Manning's performance. On a windy, rainy day he threw for over 300 yards without his supposed top receiver. In perhaps the oddest story of the year, Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg. According to reports, Burress had the weapon tucked into the waistline of his pants gansta style with a round in the chamber and the safety off. When the gun fell inside his pants, Burress reached to grab it and pulled the trigger. Kudos to you Mr. Burress, please pick up your Darwin award on your way out of the city.

My game ball goes to Shawn Springs of the Washington Redskins who absolutely torpedoed DeAngelo Hall on a sure interception early in the third quarter. I'm surprised he didn't get flagged for interfering with a fair catch. Manning floated a wobbler in the general direction of Domenik Hixon. Hall was camped underneath it waiting for it to come down before Springs slammed into him to allow the pass to fall incomplete.

Randon shower thoughts

Between touching myself in the shower and touching myself in the shower, I came to a startling realization this morning; outside of Peyton Manning and a healthy Tom Brady, there is no one in the NFL I'd rather have under center for the Giants than Eli Manning. Not that I was thinking about Eli Manning while touching myself in the shower, that would be weird. In all seriousness, for the first time in my adult life I have no complaints about the Giants offense. That is not to say you can start printing your Super Bowl tickets, I mean, the Giants beat the unbeatable Patriots last year. This is kind of fun, especially with the defense playing as well has it has all year. So I am taking the bold step of retiring the Eli still sucks tag. It feels weird, considering last year I was ready to send Eli and Coughlin to the curb, but here goes...Eli Manning is a decent quarterback. Ugh, I just had a nervous sick feeling, but I'm going to roll with it.

The Giants are all right

The Giants crushed Baltimore 30-10 yesterday and having personally attended the game I can attest to the fact the Giants are not 30-10 better than the Ravens. The score should have been much higher. A missed extra point, a terrible kickoff out of bounds that resulted in a Baltimore field goal, horrendous defense on third and long, a couple of awful efforts from Plax, and the icing on the cake from offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride. Ahmad Bradshaw ripped off a run of 77 yards down to the Baltimore 2. The Giants called timeout, presumably to rest Bradshaw in an effort to get him into the end zone. Coming out of the timeout, the Giants frantically were switching personnel, Eli was looking to the sideline in confusion, and just before the play clock ran out they ran a poorly conceived fade route to Burress in the corner of the end zone. Seriously, coming out of a timeout and they didn't even have the right people on the field, much less the correct play called. These are things you can get away with against an overrated Baltimore team (best victory to date over the Miami Dolphins) but will probably come back to haunt them come playoff time.

The Giants are pretty good

In the midst of a brutal stretch of their schedule, the Giants play 4 division rivals in 6 weeks, with one of the non-conference games against the very good Baltimore Ravens. After shellacking an undermanned Cowboys team last week, the Giants put it to the Eagles in Philadelphia last night. The final score of 36-31 is not indicative of how dominant the men in blue played. The Giants nearly doubled the Eagles in terms of time of possession, and racked up over 100 more yards in rushing. Hey, those stats might be related! The Giants are now 3-0 against the NFC East which is all the more remarkable given that the rest of the NFL is 6-13 against the division.

That was uncompetitive

The Giants waxed the division rival Cowboys last night 35-14 and this morning all anyone is talking about on ESPN is...the Cowboys. I'm not even upset by this! The game was a blowout from the word go. Plaxico "I don't need no stinking practice" Burress ran the wrong route leading to an interception returned from a touchdown, and Justin "You can't fucking block me" Tuck got flagged 15 yards for "tackling the quarterback", prolonging a drive that ended in a touchdown. Other than that, despite a classic Eli Manning 3 turnover performance, the Giants could not lose. That Cowboys team is TERRIBLE. I understand that they're missing their starting quarterback and no team in the NFL is going to stay competitive too long with the backup in there. Still, once Mr. Jessica Simspson comes back, the Cowboys are going to have serious questions on the offensive line, motivation issues with their wide receivers, and holes on every single part of their defense not named Demarcus Ware. That, my friends, is not the makings of a championship caliber team. Early in the year the pundits were calling the Cowboys offensive line one of the very best in football, presumably because they're all fat and play in Dallas, and that worked so well in the mid-90s. Unfortunately for the Cowboys, those mid-90s lines had "heart" and "talent" and "cocaine to block the pain". These guys are too fat and slow to block speed rushers, and too weak with their technique to block a power rusher. They can't open up any holes for their running backs, and they have no chance of keeping opposing pash rushers away from their quarterbacks. On the bright side, they rarely if ever fuck up the center to quarterback exchange.

RESPECT THE LONG SNAPPER!

When Pittsburgh's long snapper Greg Warren tried to walk off the field following a third quarter punt his knee buckled in an excruciatingly unnatural way and he crumpled to the field. The same thought immediately shot through everyone's minds: January 5th, 2003. OK, maybe everyone else was concerned for Warren, who tore his ACL and is done for the year, but all I could think of is the second greatest postseason collapse in NFL history, when the Giants blew a 38-14 3rd quarter lead to lose 39-38. That particularly painful game ended with a botched snap on a potential game-winning field goal. Predictably, Ben Roethlisberger threw an interception on Pittsburgh's next possession to alleviate the pressure on the special teams, but standing in the shadow of their own goal line in the 4th quarter the Steelers were not so lucky. Linebacker James Harrison was tabbed to be the emergency long snapper, presumably because he was standing too close to Mike "Don't Call me Fucking Omar Epps" Tomlin when the coach was looking for a backup. Harrison flang the ball out the back of the end zone, made all the more hilarious because punter Mitch Berger had to limp after it on a pulled hamstring to make sure it went out the end zone and the Giants couldn't recover it for a touchdown. The Steelers were forced to kick the ball away, which Tomlin made Berger do after the punter made an Omar Epps crack, and the Giants would drive down for their only touchdown of the game.

Just like everyone predicted

Your 2008 American League Champion...Tampa Bay D**** Rays? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with a team dropping the word "Devil" from their name to pander to the religious right and then suddenly becoming one of the very best in their sport. They weren't associated with the devil people, it's the name of a fucking animal! Like a Cardinal, or a Padre! Anyway, the D**** Rays spared us the horrors of Red Sox fans crowing following yet another improbable series comeback, and set up what is sure to be one of the least watched World Series of all time.

The New York Giants put the 49ers away late, but did not look particularly awesome doing it. Still, a win is a win and the team is now 5-1 heading into the brutal rest of their schedule. Next week the Giants travel to Pittsburgh to take on the flying Polamalus who took care of the lowly Bengals yesterday. It should be an interesting matchup as the Stillerz love to throw the ball and can't block anyone, and the Giants D line is pretty good. On the bright side, it seems unlikely that Ben Roethlisberger can get any MORE concussed.

That was close

The New York football Giants squeaked out a win against Seattle 44-6 this afternoon. Offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride enjoyed the freedom of being able to call whatever the hell he wanted whenever the hell he wanted knowing that at any time he could just hand the ball off to Brandon Jacobs, Derrick Ward, or Ahmad Bradshaw and pick up 10 or so yards. It turns out the Seahawks defense just isn't very good.

In baseball news, both the Phillies and Dodgers closed out their division series this afternoon meaning I might have to root for a beer league softball team in the World Series. Fuck that. Is it hockey season yet? Sweet.

Second verse, same as the first

The Mets bullpen coughed up another lead. It gets tiresome writing the same things over and over, but the same thing keeps happening over and over. The Mets will either turn over a lead to a bullpen that can't hold it or rely on the relievers to keep the game close until the offense can scratch out some runs. Delgado's late two-run home run was rendered meaningless by Atlanta's 4 run explosion in the bottom of the 8th, leaving the Mets struggling into their final week of the season. Another collapse at the hands of Chicago and Florida over the next 7 days and you'll find me at the bottom of a bottle. What's that? I'm already at the bottom of a bottle? Hmmm...well, let everyone be warned. The Mets miss the playoffs this year and it might depress me to the point of sobriety. Hide the women and children.

In less depressing news, the Giants clawed out a victory against a game Cincinnati team and won in overtime. A win is a win, but I was kind of expecting a 30 point blowout. It's really hard not to score more points against those guys. That being said, with Philly taking out Pittsburgh, Washington beating Arizona, and Dallas stomping Green Bay, the NFC East is now a combined 10-2, with the 2 losses coming intradivision. It was suggested to me this morning that the NFL should abandon the idea of awarding a playoff spot to the NFC West winner and just let all 4 NFC East teams in this year if they earn it.

Holy Schnikes!

I have to be honest with you, I did not see this one coming. The Giants were entirely unable to move the ball on offense, the defense was being gashed by a power running game, and TO was running free all game against New York's decimated secondary. Yet Tony Romo was missing wide open receivers by yards and scrambling around with no clue like, well, like Eli Manning. Throw in a critical drop by Patrick Crayton on a sure huge gain on third down and giving up a huge punt return when the Giants offense was completely inept and the Cowboys out-Giants'd the Giants. Kudos.

To quote the Wolf, "let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet." The conditions were again ripe for Eli to succeed. He was on the road in another warm weather city in a game he wasn't supposed to win. While his completion percentage was high, his utter inability to get a first down in the fourth quarter when a sustained drive wins the game was alarming. Let's see what he can do in Lambeau field on a frigid evening in January.

Here are a couple of random interesting tidbits that I remember from my drunken weekend:

The Colts are 0-3 in their last 3 playoff games at home coming off a first round bye.

To date, only 2 teams that have scored first have won in the playoffs. The Seahawks against the Redskins in the first round, and the Giants against the Cowboys on Sunday.

Tom Brady's steely good looks are better than your secondary.

Playoff fever!

Two notes from the Giants versus Buccaneers game yesterday in Tampa. First quarterback Eli Manning is receiving credit for his gutsy and efficient play yesterday in completing 20 of 27 passes in leading the Giants to victory. The conditions were ripe for the G-men as they were on the road where they went 7-1 during the regular season, and the temperatures would be in the 70s, which is perfect for Eli Manning's delicate psyche. Honestly the toughness of football players versus hockey players begins and ends with Eli. There's no way a man whose tears freeze to his face when the temperatures drop below 50 would get the starting goaltending job for the Rangers. Anyway, no lesser an expert than Peter King named Eli his offensive player of the weekend, which is an interesting choice for a NFL QB who can't throw a fucking spiral. While Eli did play a great game...for Eli, he still came up small in a critical 3rd quarter series by missing a wide open receiver on third down for what should have been an easy conversion. His throws were consistently over his target's heads or down at their feet, and it's more a testament to the receiver corps that led the NFL in dropped passes stepping up big when it mattered most.

That brings me to the unsung hero of the game, backup cornerback Corey Webster. Starting cornerback Sam Madison has been lined up against the opponents' top receivers all year, a curious by the Giants' coaching staff considering Madison apparently retired at the beginning of the year. He exploited a loop hole in the system that allowed him to continue to earn a paycheck even though at no point during the season did he actually run hard enough to break a sweat.

Webster has been labeled a bust in some circles after being selected in the second round out of LSU back in 2005. Webster blanketed Tampa's top receiver, Joey Galloway for most of the game, preventing the speedster from getting open all game and coming up with two critical turnovers in the second half. He recovered the fumbled kickoff to start the second half, and picked off a Jeff Garcia pass in the end zone when the Tampa quarterback tried to force the ball in to Galloway. On the sidelines Madison was seen taking notes on Webster's technique, apparently intruiged by Webster's curious decisions to run upfield with the receiver and trying to get his hands on balls that were thrown in his direction. We will see if Madison is able to apply these radical ideas into his game plan next weekend when the Giants face the Cowboys' talented receivers.