It's officially hockey season

As expected, the Tampa Bay D**** Rays finally came down to earth last night. The base running blunders, the relief pitching, the fielding, all the little things an inexperienced team just won't bring to the table game in and game out over the course of a 162 game season bit the D**** Rays in the butt. This is not to take anything away from the Phillies but...naw fuck Philadelphia!

I am confused by my emotions

Why did I let out a little cheer and a fist pump when the Phillies escaped the 8th inning last night with a 6-2 lead? Could it be that I was actually rooting for Philadelphia to win? Oh fuck me! I am! After having gone on record against the Mets fierce rivals, I've realized my hatred for the asinine designated hitter has blinded my judgment and forced me to root for the National League entrant into the World Series. Or maybe I just desperately want to root for a team that wins for once, and with the Phillies up 3-1 in the series you have to like their chances. Possibly I'm just pretending to root for Philadelphia because EVERY team I root for loses, and this is my last, desperate ploy to get them to lose cause let's be honest here, FUCK Philadelphia. I'm so confused! In any rate, the Tampa Ray D**** Rays must win tonight in Philadelphia, something no visiting team has done so far this postseason. They must also defeat Phillies ace Cole Hamels, something else no opponent has been able to do this postseason. What does this all mean? Look for Tampa to win in a laugher.

RESPECT THE LONG SNAPPER!

When Pittsburgh's long snapper Greg Warren tried to walk off the field following a third quarter punt his knee buckled in an excruciatingly unnatural way and he crumpled to the field. The same thought immediately shot through everyone's minds: January 5th, 2003. OK, maybe everyone else was concerned for Warren, who tore his ACL and is done for the year, but all I could think of is the second greatest postseason collapse in NFL history, when the Giants blew a 38-14 3rd quarter lead to lose 39-38. That particularly painful game ended with a botched snap on a potential game-winning field goal. Predictably, Ben Roethlisberger threw an interception on Pittsburgh's next possession to alleviate the pressure on the special teams, but standing in the shadow of their own goal line in the 4th quarter the Steelers were not so lucky. Linebacker James Harrison was tabbed to be the emergency long snapper, presumably because he was standing too close to Mike "Don't Call me Fucking Omar Epps" Tomlin when the coach was looking for a backup. Harrison flang the ball out the back of the end zone, made all the more hilarious because punter Mitch Berger had to limp after it on a pulled hamstring to make sure it went out the end zone and the Giants couldn't recover it for a touchdown. The Steelers were forced to kick the ball away, which Tomlin made Berger do after the punter made an Omar Epps crack, and the Giants would drive down for their only touchdown of the game.

Cole Hamels has arrived

Oh sure, you could make the argument that being an All Star last year and finishing 6th in the Cy Young voting his second year in the league would have meant something. Apparently going 6 2/3 innings and giving up 3 runs but earning a loss in your first career postseason outing means jack shit. Nope, you have to wait until THIS postseason when you don't pitch much better but earn a bunch of wins to get some national recognition. On the bright side, thus far this postseason has highlighted how completely overrated Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins are. Here we are, one game into the World Series and Howard has 8 hits and 3 RBI. Ladies and gentleman your 2008 National League MVP! I'm SURE the Phillies would rather have this guy than Albert Pujols. Rollins thus far has 9 hits, 2 RBI, and 6 runs, the latter stat highlighting the importance of the other players on the Phillies, as he scored an amazing 80% of the time he was on base in the NLCS. I can't wait until the Rays start intentionally walking Chase Utley with men on base to get to the 2 time MVP. Fantastic.

Just like everyone predicted

Your 2008 American League Champion...Tampa Bay D**** Rays? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with a team dropping the word "Devil" from their name to pander to the religious right and then suddenly becoming one of the very best in their sport. They weren't associated with the devil people, it's the name of a fucking animal! Like a Cardinal, or a Padre! Anyway, the D**** Rays spared us the horrors of Red Sox fans crowing following yet another improbable series comeback, and set up what is sure to be one of the least watched World Series of all time.

The New York Giants put the 49ers away late, but did not look particularly awesome doing it. Still, a win is a win and the team is now 5-1 heading into the brutal rest of their schedule. Next week the Giants travel to Pittsburgh to take on the flying Polamalus who took care of the lowly Bengals yesterday. It should be an interesting matchup as the Stillerz love to throw the ball and can't block anyone, and the Giants D line is pretty good. On the bright side, it seems unlikely that Ben Roethlisberger can get any MORE concussed.

This feels oddly familiar

Scott Kazmir pitched 6 gutsy innings last night turning over a 7-0 lead to his bullpen a mere 9 outs from the World Series. 2 and 2/3 disastrous innings later, the Sawks had an improbably 8-7 victory. When reached for comment Aaron Heilman scoffed, "I can do that." The Sawks have overcome ALCS deficits of 3 games to 0 and 3 games to 1 the last two times they've won the World Series, which means that 3-1 deficit this year really WAS right where they wanted to be. Game 6 is Sunday night back in Tampa, where the injured Josh Beckett takes on tough luck game 1 loser James Shields.

Balls

Well that sucked. In a perfect confluence of getting fucked by sports I managed to switch right from Eli's 3rd interception being returned for a touchdown to the Dodgers blowing a 5-3 8th inning lead to the fucking Phillies. The Mets couldn't close out late-inning leads, how come they have to miss out on the opportunity to do this in the postseason?

Looking to the positives from the football game, the Giants running game continued to be impressive, although you have to wonder why they abandoned it for most of the first three quarters. The emergence of Steve Smith as a valuable possession receiver has been wonderful to watch. All of Eli's forced throws off his back foot into triple coverage looked like tight spirals instead of the wobbly crap we used to see him toss up for grabs. On the downside, the line play on both sides of the ball, far and away the biggest strength of the team was atrocious, and oh yeah THE DODGERS GAVE UP THE GAME WINNING HOME RUN TO FUCKING SHANE VICTORINO! FUCK YOU AND YOUR FLYIN HAWAIIAN! NEXT TIME SWING WITH YOUR FUCKING EYES OPEN! DAMMIT!