I'd say that was effective

When the Mets built their 2 game lead in early September this year, I mentioned that the bullpen was still in disarray. Let's be honest here, it was their Achilles heel all season and proved to be the portion that contributed the most to the second place finish. With all world closer Billy Wagner (the motherfucker) shelved for 2009 following Tommy John surgery, the Mets were desperate to address the problem this offseason. I'm going to go ahead and say they accomplished their goal. Scroll down to the AL pitching reserves from the 2007 All Star game. Notice anything about that lineup? I'll give you a hint, if you count up from the bottom, by the time you get to 5 you'll have counted the Mets ace, their new closer, and their new set up man. Fuck and yes! The team sigined record setting closer Frankie "K-Rod" Rodriguez, and traded middling prospects and 2 members of last year's failed bullpen for J.J. "It's pronounced like 'puts'" Putz. Barring injury, apathy, or a mysterious loss of effectiveness, the Mets could well have upgraded from one of the worst bullpens in baseball to one of the very best.

Things that happened Monday more interesting than a football game

Check out the highlights from last night's Rutgers versus Georgia clash in women's college basketball! Actually, don't. I tend to be a defender of women's basketball in general, but I'm probably spoiled watching a UConn team that averages more points per game than those two scored COMBINED in a horrible matchup of teams unable to put the ball through the hoop. The lowlight of the game was a Georgia possession that featured the team passing the ball back and forth around the three point line until the shotclock buzzer sounded and the team meekly went back to defense having never once glanced in the direction of the hoop.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Buffalo and Pittsburgh met in a fun affair that featured wild end-to-end rushes and Buffalo taking three consecutive pairs of penalties to give Pittsburgh a 5 on 3 advantage spanning the end of the first period and beginning of the second. When asked why his team chose to spend that much time down two men coach Lindy Ruff scoffed, "We knew the couldn't score anyway." Actually, that's not true at all. But Pittsburgh did spend most of their powerplay time imitating the Georgia women's basketball team, leaving the door open for Buffalo's exciting third period comeback. Check out this play from Evgeni Malkin leading to Pittsburgh's first goal. Just for the record, you can't do that.

I have a new offensive strategy for the Giants

CATCH the fucking ball! Hey look, scientists have uncovered Domenik Hixon's hands!


I kid, I kid. Hixon has overall displayed excellent pass-catching abilities during his time with the Giants, but that drop early in the second quarter against the Eagles set the tone for what was an overall disappointing performance against an inferior opponent. The Giants will look to re-establish their dominance in the NFC East on Sunday against Tony Romo and the Cowboys, whose owner just called out star running-back Marion Barber's toughness. Way to fire up the troops Jerry!

Your friday question of the day

How the fuck did games against Seattle and San Fransisco magically heal the Cowboys offensive line? Tony Romo comes back and all of a sudden all is right with the world! Never mind that the Boys modest three game winning streak came against the Seahawks, Niners, and overrated Redskins. Remember Romo running for his life every game? He was like a prettier, smarter, less robotic Ben Roethlisberger. The Dallas struggles without Romo weren't solely due to the collective ineptitude of Brad Johnson and Brooks Bollinger. Their offensive line is fat, unathletic, and generally uninterested in blocking. Against inferior defenses in blowout victories, Dallas rushed for a combined 190 yards the past two weeks. What are they going to do against Pittsburgh when Romo drops back to pass 30-something times? I actually look forward Big Ben running onto the field after a particularly brutal Romo sack, opening up the access panel to his innards and asking, "You need spleen? Science man give Ben three!"

Weekly round up

So plenty of interesting stories have been ignored by yours truly this week. For starters, Plaxico Burress has been told to just go home. It is a sad end to the Giants career for the man who may well be the most talented receiver to ever strap on the pads for Big Blue. It turns out that he is kind of a douche bag. From what I understand had Burress just been your average clubgoer, he probably would have been able to get away without jail time. Since Mayor Bloomberg decided to make an example out of him, it will be almost impossible for Burress to avoid the slammer. On the bright side, it will be much harder for Plax to shoot himself in the leg on the inside.

Quickly, in a story that absolutely no one cares about, the Houston Comets of the WNBA folded earlier this week. The Comets won the first four WNBA championships, led by Cynthia Cooper who won the league's first two MVPs. The WNBA will probably survive the current economic crisis, but it is a testament to how much trouble any pro league that is not the NFL, MLB, or NBA faces right now.

In another story no one cares about, I saw something in a hockey game that I've never ever seen before. Ryan Malone of the Tampa Bay Lightning blocked a shot from a Philadelphia defenseman and sprung himself on a breakaway in the waning seconds of a tie game. As he made his move a hockey glove came flying across the screen. My jaw dropped, which created something of a mess as I was brushing my teeth at the time. An NHL player had actually thrown a piece of equipment at a guy on a breakaway. That is an automatic penalty shot, giving Malone a free chance at essentially ending the game right then and there. Of course the goalie bailed out his player, Malone ended up taking a penalty in overtime that led to the game-winning power play goal, but still, HE THREW HIS FUCKING GLOVE!

And finally, in somewhat sad and amusing news, the talented but troubled Sean Avery, former Vogue intern, managed to talk his way right out of the league. Avery has been suspended indefinitely after musing before Tuesday night's game against Calgary about Flames' star Dion Phaneuf's relationship with Avery's ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. In a pre-game interview Avery walked over to a group of reporters and said, "I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight." Awesome. Avery will probably get another shot in the NHL someday because he is just too talented not to, but he managed to cost himself millions along the way. Good for you, Sean, good for you.

Now, to make this all worthwhile...Elisha Cuthbert!

Monday traditions

I have a new favorite tradition. I come into work, I futz around for a couple of hours, then I go search out a coworker of mine who is a diehard Giants fan, we high five and discuss the latest Giants victory. 3 or 4 weeks in a row now, he has claimed "I thought the game would be closer."

Once again, I am impressed with Manning's performance. On a windy, rainy day he threw for over 300 yards without his supposed top receiver. In perhaps the oddest story of the year, Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg. According to reports, Burress had the weapon tucked into the waistline of his pants gansta style with a round in the chamber and the safety off. When the gun fell inside his pants, Burress reached to grab it and pulled the trigger. Kudos to you Mr. Burress, please pick up your Darwin award on your way out of the city.

My game ball goes to Shawn Springs of the Washington Redskins who absolutely torpedoed DeAngelo Hall on a sure interception early in the third quarter. I'm surprised he didn't get flagged for interfering with a fair catch. Manning floated a wobbler in the general direction of Domenik Hixon. Hall was camped underneath it waiting for it to come down before Springs slammed into him to allow the pass to fall incomplete.

Randon shower thoughts

Between touching myself in the shower and touching myself in the shower, I came to a startling realization this morning; outside of Peyton Manning and a healthy Tom Brady, there is no one in the NFL I'd rather have under center for the Giants than Eli Manning. Not that I was thinking about Eli Manning while touching myself in the shower, that would be weird. In all seriousness, for the first time in my adult life I have no complaints about the Giants offense. That is not to say you can start printing your Super Bowl tickets, I mean, the Giants beat the unbeatable Patriots last year. This is kind of fun, especially with the defense playing as well has it has all year. So I am taking the bold step of retiring the Eli still sucks tag. It feels weird, considering last year I was ready to send Eli and Coughlin to the curb, but here goes...Eli Manning is a decent quarterback. Ugh, I just had a nervous sick feeling, but I'm going to roll with it.

The Giants are all right

The Giants crushed Baltimore 30-10 yesterday and having personally attended the game I can attest to the fact the Giants are not 30-10 better than the Ravens. The score should have been much higher. A missed extra point, a terrible kickoff out of bounds that resulted in a Baltimore field goal, horrendous defense on third and long, a couple of awful efforts from Plax, and the icing on the cake from offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride. Ahmad Bradshaw ripped off a run of 77 yards down to the Baltimore 2. The Giants called timeout, presumably to rest Bradshaw in an effort to get him into the end zone. Coming out of the timeout, the Giants frantically were switching personnel, Eli was looking to the sideline in confusion, and just before the play clock ran out they ran a poorly conceived fade route to Burress in the corner of the end zone. Seriously, coming out of a timeout and they didn't even have the right people on the field, much less the correct play called. These are things you can get away with against an overrated Baltimore team (best victory to date over the Miami Dolphins) but will probably come back to haunt them come playoff time.

Shaquille O'Neal is large

Grabbed the video from Awful Announcing who highlighted Steve Nash being white and goofy and Hubie Brown being careless with his description, but what struck me most about this skirmish is Shaq shoving everyone. First he tosses Tracy McGrady (6'8" 223 lbs) to the ground like a rag doll. Then he shoves Yao Ming (7'6" 310) down, who admittedly trips over McGrady but still manages to look awkward and uncoordinated in doing so. Finally as the coaches try to grab Rafer Alston Shaq shoves Alston and manages to push the whole scrum about 8 feet. I can't wait for this guy to become sheriff!

Alexander Ovechkin is a beautiful man

He is either the prettiest ugly man or the ugliest pretty man in the world, I can't decide. I mean seriously, it's not a face you'd want to see at any point, ever, but he does shit like this:



That's actually harder than it looks. Coming soon...I'll learn how to hide those behind a link! Naw, I'm just kidding, that seems hard and I'm very stupid.

Get PUMPED America! The weekend of Martin Luther King Jr's birthday we inaugurate our nation's first ever non-white president AND they play the most diverse of games in the world, hockey, as the Capitals host the Bruins. Anyone? Anyone? Well, Willie O'Ree played for the Bruins. Wait, the Boston team broke the color barrier? You mean the same city whose baseball team had a quota for black players until the 70s? Hockey for the win, bitches!

Your evidence sucks

Apparently the reason the Giants won last night was an odd call where Eli seemingly threw the ball beyond the line of scrimmage but the call was overturned on replay giving the Giants a critical first down. A screen capture from the game is above. I want to be very clear on this so listen up.

THE FUCKING LINE IS UNOFFICIAL! How fucking hard a concept is that? They take this myopic image from the game and say "See, lookie there, he's beyond the line!" Meanwhile, as shown on the replay numerous times, yet conveniently never mentioned by the announcers, the line of scrimmage was nearly at the 20 yard line. While we're talking about imaginary lines, draw one up from where Eli's right knee appears to be in relation to the 20 yard line, and that's where the line of scrimmage actually was. What does that mean? His foot was ENTIRELY behind the line. The rule states that if any part of your body is behind the line, it is a legal pass. His foot was CLEARLY behind the line and the call on the field was CLEARLY wrong. The Giants challenged, the refs got the call right, and the game moved on. Shut the fuck up already!

The Giants are pretty good

In the midst of a brutal stretch of their schedule, the Giants play 4 division rivals in 6 weeks, with one of the non-conference games against the very good Baltimore Ravens. After shellacking an undermanned Cowboys team last week, the Giants put it to the Eagles in Philadelphia last night. The final score of 36-31 is not indicative of how dominant the men in blue played. The Giants nearly doubled the Eagles in terms of time of possession, and racked up over 100 more yards in rushing. Hey, those stats might be related! The Giants are now 3-0 against the NFC East which is all the more remarkable given that the rest of the NFL is 6-13 against the division.

I agree with Golic

Being a complete drunk, I missed the follow up to last week's Cowboys versus Giants game. It turns out that the NFL originally backed up the ridiculous roughing the passer call against Justin Tuck and fined him $7500. Anyone with the ability to see and a fully functional brain can see Tuck hit the quarterback at the exact moment he released the ball, and while he landed on the quarterback, he tried to brace himself with his hands to prevent his fully body weight from landing on Bollinger. Fining Tuck for this hit is a fucking joke. If you are going to prevent defensive players from making plays like this, you might as well give the quarterback a red jersey and flags. To hear ESPN's Mike Golic rant about this fine click here (you may need insider access).

On Friday, Commissioner Roger Goodell rescinded the fine saying it was too "harsh". I would have been happier had he said because it was "fucking bullshit." At least Tuck didn't have to pay for making a good play. I still feel we are only a season or two away for defensive players receiving 15 yard penalties for "tackling the quarterback." It's going to make it hard to earn a living as a defensive lineman.

That was uncompetitive

The Giants waxed the division rival Cowboys last night 35-14 and this morning all anyone is talking about on ESPN is...the Cowboys. I'm not even upset by this! The game was a blowout from the word go. Plaxico "I don't need no stinking practice" Burress ran the wrong route leading to an interception returned from a touchdown, and Justin "You can't fucking block me" Tuck got flagged 15 yards for "tackling the quarterback", prolonging a drive that ended in a touchdown. Other than that, despite a classic Eli Manning 3 turnover performance, the Giants could not lose. That Cowboys team is TERRIBLE. I understand that they're missing their starting quarterback and no team in the NFL is going to stay competitive too long with the backup in there. Still, once Mr. Jessica Simspson comes back, the Cowboys are going to have serious questions on the offensive line, motivation issues with their wide receivers, and holes on every single part of their defense not named Demarcus Ware. That, my friends, is not the makings of a championship caliber team. Early in the year the pundits were calling the Cowboys offensive line one of the very best in football, presumably because they're all fat and play in Dallas, and that worked so well in the mid-90s. Unfortunately for the Cowboys, those mid-90s lines had "heart" and "talent" and "cocaine to block the pain". These guys are too fat and slow to block speed rushers, and too weak with their technique to block a power rusher. They can't open up any holes for their running backs, and they have no chance of keeping opposing pash rushers away from their quarterbacks. On the bright side, they rarely if ever fuck up the center to quarterback exchange.

It's officially hockey season

As expected, the Tampa Bay D**** Rays finally came down to earth last night. The base running blunders, the relief pitching, the fielding, all the little things an inexperienced team just won't bring to the table game in and game out over the course of a 162 game season bit the D**** Rays in the butt. This is not to take anything away from the Phillies but...naw fuck Philadelphia!

I am confused by my emotions

Why did I let out a little cheer and a fist pump when the Phillies escaped the 8th inning last night with a 6-2 lead? Could it be that I was actually rooting for Philadelphia to win? Oh fuck me! I am! After having gone on record against the Mets fierce rivals, I've realized my hatred for the asinine designated hitter has blinded my judgment and forced me to root for the National League entrant into the World Series. Or maybe I just desperately want to root for a team that wins for once, and with the Phillies up 3-1 in the series you have to like their chances. Possibly I'm just pretending to root for Philadelphia because EVERY team I root for loses, and this is my last, desperate ploy to get them to lose cause let's be honest here, FUCK Philadelphia. I'm so confused! In any rate, the Tampa Ray D**** Rays must win tonight in Philadelphia, something no visiting team has done so far this postseason. They must also defeat Phillies ace Cole Hamels, something else no opponent has been able to do this postseason. What does this all mean? Look for Tampa to win in a laugher.

RESPECT THE LONG SNAPPER!

When Pittsburgh's long snapper Greg Warren tried to walk off the field following a third quarter punt his knee buckled in an excruciatingly unnatural way and he crumpled to the field. The same thought immediately shot through everyone's minds: January 5th, 2003. OK, maybe everyone else was concerned for Warren, who tore his ACL and is done for the year, but all I could think of is the second greatest postseason collapse in NFL history, when the Giants blew a 38-14 3rd quarter lead to lose 39-38. That particularly painful game ended with a botched snap on a potential game-winning field goal. Predictably, Ben Roethlisberger threw an interception on Pittsburgh's next possession to alleviate the pressure on the special teams, but standing in the shadow of their own goal line in the 4th quarter the Steelers were not so lucky. Linebacker James Harrison was tabbed to be the emergency long snapper, presumably because he was standing too close to Mike "Don't Call me Fucking Omar Epps" Tomlin when the coach was looking for a backup. Harrison flang the ball out the back of the end zone, made all the more hilarious because punter Mitch Berger had to limp after it on a pulled hamstring to make sure it went out the end zone and the Giants couldn't recover it for a touchdown. The Steelers were forced to kick the ball away, which Tomlin made Berger do after the punter made an Omar Epps crack, and the Giants would drive down for their only touchdown of the game.

Cole Hamels has arrived

Oh sure, you could make the argument that being an All Star last year and finishing 6th in the Cy Young voting his second year in the league would have meant something. Apparently going 6 2/3 innings and giving up 3 runs but earning a loss in your first career postseason outing means jack shit. Nope, you have to wait until THIS postseason when you don't pitch much better but earn a bunch of wins to get some national recognition. On the bright side, thus far this postseason has highlighted how completely overrated Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins are. Here we are, one game into the World Series and Howard has 8 hits and 3 RBI. Ladies and gentleman your 2008 National League MVP! I'm SURE the Phillies would rather have this guy than Albert Pujols. Rollins thus far has 9 hits, 2 RBI, and 6 runs, the latter stat highlighting the importance of the other players on the Phillies, as he scored an amazing 80% of the time he was on base in the NLCS. I can't wait until the Rays start intentionally walking Chase Utley with men on base to get to the 2 time MVP. Fantastic.

Just like everyone predicted

Your 2008 American League Champion...Tampa Bay D**** Rays? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with a team dropping the word "Devil" from their name to pander to the religious right and then suddenly becoming one of the very best in their sport. They weren't associated with the devil people, it's the name of a fucking animal! Like a Cardinal, or a Padre! Anyway, the D**** Rays spared us the horrors of Red Sox fans crowing following yet another improbable series comeback, and set up what is sure to be one of the least watched World Series of all time.

The New York Giants put the 49ers away late, but did not look particularly awesome doing it. Still, a win is a win and the team is now 5-1 heading into the brutal rest of their schedule. Next week the Giants travel to Pittsburgh to take on the flying Polamalus who took care of the lowly Bengals yesterday. It should be an interesting matchup as the Stillerz love to throw the ball and can't block anyone, and the Giants D line is pretty good. On the bright side, it seems unlikely that Ben Roethlisberger can get any MORE concussed.

This feels oddly familiar

Scott Kazmir pitched 6 gutsy innings last night turning over a 7-0 lead to his bullpen a mere 9 outs from the World Series. 2 and 2/3 disastrous innings later, the Sawks had an improbably 8-7 victory. When reached for comment Aaron Heilman scoffed, "I can do that." The Sawks have overcome ALCS deficits of 3 games to 0 and 3 games to 1 the last two times they've won the World Series, which means that 3-1 deficit this year really WAS right where they wanted to be. Game 6 is Sunday night back in Tampa, where the injured Josh Beckett takes on tough luck game 1 loser James Shields.

Balls

Well that sucked. In a perfect confluence of getting fucked by sports I managed to switch right from Eli's 3rd interception being returned for a touchdown to the Dodgers blowing a 5-3 8th inning lead to the fucking Phillies. The Mets couldn't close out late-inning leads, how come they have to miss out on the opportunity to do this in the postseason?

Looking to the positives from the football game, the Giants running game continued to be impressive, although you have to wonder why they abandoned it for most of the first three quarters. The emergence of Steve Smith as a valuable possession receiver has been wonderful to watch. All of Eli's forced throws off his back foot into triple coverage looked like tight spirals instead of the wobbly crap we used to see him toss up for grabs. On the downside, the line play on both sides of the ball, far and away the biggest strength of the team was atrocious, and oh yeah THE DODGERS GAVE UP THE GAME WINNING HOME RUN TO FUCKING SHANE VICTORINO! FUCK YOU AND YOUR FLYIN HAWAIIAN! NEXT TIME SWING WITH YOUR FUCKING EYES OPEN! DAMMIT!

College football blows

I always kind of defended it. You know, it's cute, sure the players aren't as good but the passion of the fans is there man. Then I spent a weekend surrounded by fucking Gator fans doing the fucking Gator chomp. I am here to tell you, this is a proven fact, I have the goddamned police report to prove it. If you're 30 years old and spend an entire wedding on the dance floor doing the Gator chomp, I can hit you with a fucking chair. At a certain point you have to grow up, put a bra on, and understand that the more civilized among us are going to wander away from a bunch of drunken, obnoxious kids reliving their college glory days to go watch the baseball game.

In interesting news, the Red Sox and Rays split over the weekend. Dice K flirted with a no-hitter in game 1 after walking the bases loaded in the first inning. I still think they should be able to hit him with a bat when he's nibbling like that. Game 2 was a very different affair with a record-tying 7 home runs. It was just what you expect in a matchup of aces Scott Kazmir and Josh Beckett. Oh yeah, you might expect a low-scoring affair with lots of strikeouts. Well, they're both hurt and it showed. Game 3 is this afternoon.

The Dodgers finally got on the board against Philadelphia, proving once again that Jamie Moyer completely sucks in the postseason. Of course on the radio they are wondering why the Dodgers will start Derek Lowe on 3 days rest tonight instead of a 40-something year old soft-tosser in Greg Maddux. Obviously Mr. Cowherd did not pay any attention to what happened to the last 40 year old soft tosser who started in this series. I mean honestly, who remembers ALL the way back to last night? That bottle of scotch wasn't going to drink itself!

Your friday question of the day

What does it mean when the pirate at work closes the door to his office before leaving to wander the building? Maybe he just farted and doesn't want to let the sweet scent of his own colon escape to the rest of the office? Maybe he has kidnapped a fair maiden and has her tied up in there? Well, actually, that's definitely not it. Only way he gets close to a fair maiden is if he tasers her first, and I'm pretty sure someone would have noticed him dragging an unconscious female through the lobby. Ok, I'm moderately confident someone would have noticed him dragging an unconscious female through the lobby. Hmmm....maybe he kidnapped a fair maiden and has her tied up in there? Most likely he didn't want anybody to see the kiddie porn he's got up on his computer monitor that wisely faces the door. Sure, you could just minimize it but that seems like a lot of effort when you want to take a leak. Seriously, the kid is fucking creepy. What's that? Oh yeah, this is a sports blog, um, so the Leafs beat the Red Wings in Detroit, Boston beat Colorado in Denver, Vancouver shut out Calgary at home, and San Jose stopped Anaheim at the Shark tank. Also, the Phillies took a 1-0 lead in the NLCS behind a good bottom of the 6th inning and some great pitching from Cole Hamels. I didn't watch any of it.

That was close

The New York football Giants squeaked out a win against Seattle 44-6 this afternoon. Offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride enjoyed the freedom of being able to call whatever the hell he wanted whenever the hell he wanted knowing that at any time he could just hand the ball off to Brandon Jacobs, Derrick Ward, or Ahmad Bradshaw and pick up 10 or so yards. It turns out the Seahawks defense just isn't very good.

In baseball news, both the Phillies and Dodgers closed out their division series this afternoon meaning I might have to root for a beer league softball team in the World Series. Fuck that. Is it hockey season yet? Sweet.

Mets sign Manuel

In the interest of keeping the Manuel manager ratio in the NL East up at least 40%, the Mets signed Gangsta Jerry Manuel to a 2 year contract. Manuel led the Mets to dramatic turnaround this season, only to watch the team collapse under the weight of its ineffective bullpen. I was a big fan of the job Manuel did this season, but more important David was a fan, and dammit that's good enough for me!

In news of teams that actually made the playoffs, the D**** Rays and Sawks took 2-0 leads in their respective series, the latter leading to Boston fans everywhere popping their collars and smashing empty Budweiser cans on their heads in delight.

Go...Rays?

Well, Tampa won. That makes teams I support 1-5 so far this postseason. Philly and the Dodgers jumped to commanding 2-0 leads in their respective series. Milwaukee is in trouble as they were counting on at least 3 victories from CC Sabathia this series, meaning he will have to start and win the next 3 games. The Cubs are in trouble because they're the Cubs. Also, they were the team I was rooting for to win it all, and they lost the first two games at home. It's not impossible for them to win the next 3 games in a row, but I wouldn't exactly start making plans for a Windy City Series. At least Tampa won. Super rookie Evan Longoria Parker, er Eva Longoria, er, whatever homered in his first two at bats but only singled in a run his third time up, proving once again that rookies can't handle the pressure of postseason play.

At least I'm consistent!

EVERY team I root for loses. Need proof? In the LDS, I'm rooting for the Cubs, against the Phillies (FUCK Philadelphia), and against the insufferable Red Sox fans. Three games were played last night, and who won? That's right, the Phillies over the Brewers, the Dodgers over the Cubs, and Red Sox over humanity. I mean the Red Sox over the Angels. As an interesting side note, the Red Sox have now won 10 consecutive postseason games over the Angels, tying the record set by the A's who won 10 straight in October against the Red Sox.

Well that was an upset

The Steelers came from behind last night to beat the Ravens 23-20 in overtime, but that was not the upset. In fact, I'm pretty sure the Steelers were favored by more than 3 points, but a solid Ravens team covering the spread was not the upset. The Steelers had four players leave the game last night with injuries, at least two of whom are done for the year, and NONE of them were Ben Roethlisberger. Now THAT'S an upset.

In lighter news

Co-owner of the Carolina Hurricanes Thomas Thewes has passed away from a two year bought with leukemia. That's what you get for moving the Whalers to North Carolina, fucker! That's what people do there! They fuck their relatives and they die of cancer! I kid, I kid, I don't really wish death on anyone, except of course for the people who stole the Whalers. Oh snap, cancer's got my back, bitch!

Awesome

I read this over on the Shutdown Corner this morning. I touched on this briefly before, but for all his talent Burress is something of a douche bag. The Shutdown Corner guys summed it up far better than I ever could, but needless to say I am unimpressed by Burress' attitude after signing a new, fat contract. I wonder if anyone told him that nothing in the NFL is guaranteed? It's tough for me as a Giants fan because on the field the guy gives it his all on almost every play. Like most prima donna receivers, he is sometimes disinterested in blocking, but he runs his routes hard, has improved his hands considerably, and is a weapon opposing teams have to game plan for every week. I gained a lot of respect for Burress for gutting it out on a noticeably hampered ankle last season, but I have a hard time rooting for someone who works less at his job than I do. Now if you'll excuse me, someone left a Guinness in the office fridge and I think I can find it a good home.

Well that was a waste of time

161 games and almost exactly a year later, the Mets find themselves in the exact same position they held last year. Couldn't they have just played one game at the beginning of April and saved us this whole mess? Johan Santana pitched a masterful game, throwing a three-hit shutout on three days rest to help the Mets pull into a tie for the wild card lead with the Milwaukee Brewers. Ben Sheets did his part by lasting less than 3 innings for the Brewers as they fell to the Cubs 7-3. Playing the role of Tom Glavine this year is Oliver Perez, who has fittingly given up at least 4 runs in 3 of his last 4 starts, two of which he failed to pitch 5 innings. Playing the role of the Florida Marlins this year is the Florida Marlins, who have made no secret of their desire to knock the Mets out of the playoffs again.

I'm singing in the rain!

Well, actually it sounds more like a cat in distress. Once again the Mets close the season at home against the Marlins. And once again, the Mets seem intent on letting the fish knock them out of the playoffs. A solid combination of ineffective starting pitching, weak hitting with men on base, poor defense, and typical bullpen ineptitude let to a 6-1 defeat. The game got off to an inauspicious start when two batters into the game the Marlins had taken a 1-0 lead. Today's matchup pits my pessimism versus Mother Nature. Let it rain, baby, you can't lose games you don't play. Right? RIGHT?

It's all fun and games until you make an angry man cry

Oh sure, it's funny, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

Weeeee!

Last night the roller coaster started its slow climb back up after the gut-wrenching fall from the night before. Of course the barrel-rolling twisty section in the middle didn't do any wonders for my stomach. Don't these guys know how much I drink? Pedro Martinez battled through 6 tough innings last night in a steady rain, leaving with the game tied at 3 in the top of the 7th after letting the first two runners reach base. Following what could have been his final appearance on the mound at Shea, the Mets fans gave Petey a rousing ovation, which he acknowledged with a tip of the cap and a wave to the crowd. Of course, the love fest lasted all of one pitch, which reliever Ricardo Rincon saw deposited in the Mets bullpen for the go ahead three run homer. You know why!

But this Mets team is a different team from yesterday. Literally different from the night before. Ramon Hernandez (I don't know who he is either) and backup catcher Robinson Cancel came through with huge two out hits to tie the game in the bottom of the 8th, thanks in no small part to an imaginative slide from Ryan Church and a generous interpretation of "in the baseline" from the home plate umpire. Carlos Beltran's screaming line drive up the first base line ticked off the firstbaseman's glove in the bottom of the 9th to drive in the winning run and everyone exhaled. Kudos to the Mets for grinding out a victory against a Cubs team that started at least two regulars including pitcher Rich Harden. Sure very few of those players would actually make the postseason roster for Chicago, but the important part is the dream is still alive!

Next up for the Mets in their desperate kick for the finish line, their toughest opponent yet! Mother Nature! It started raining during last night's game and according to most weather reports it won't stop until Sunday. That means the Mets will have to scramble to get their final series against the Marlins played. Could baseball's first triple-header in over a century (if ever) get played on Sunday? Fuck no. Of course Bud Selig forced the Houston Astros to play "home" games against Chicago in Milwaukee while Hurricane Ike battered their city. I can see a situation where the Mets play a double header on Sunday, a makeup game on Monday that forces a tie with the Brewers, and then a one game playoff Monday evening for the National League wild card. It could happen!

Thoughts on the MVP race

I'm all hopped up on caffeine and hate, so I figured I'd throw my thoughts out there about the NL MVP race. Various names have been tossed out there as to who is the most deserving candidate. There is only one player who should win, but we'll get to that in a little bit.

First up, the midseason pickup candidates:

1. CC Sabathia. This guy has been an absolute monster for Milwaukee and is instrumental for their success in the latter part of this season. The argument against him? Johan Santana. Turns out one pitcher can only do so much, as Johan sports a record of merely 14-7 but has arguably been the third best pitcher in the National League this year behind Brandon Webb and Tim Lincecum.

2. Manny Ramirez. His inclusion in this race fills me with hate. He was, without exaggeration, the LEAST valuable player in the entire American League this year. His impressive offensive numbers aside, this is a man who despite his contributions actually HURT his old team offensively. If you have that kind of free time, you can do the research and find that the Red Sox's offensive output went up more losing Manny than the Dodgers' did by getting him. That is the kind of information you want to hear about your MVP?

Next up, the late-season surge candidates:

3. Carlos Delgado. There was talk earlier in the year of turning Delgado into a full time platoon player, if not cutting him outright. You just cannot award the MVP to a man who was nearly out of a job earlier this season due to his own incompetence. Not to mention on his own team Delgado ranks somewhere behind Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran and possibly even Johan Santana.

4. Ryan Howard. This guy was terrible early in the year. Just awful. All the talk is "Howard has put the Phillies on his back and is carrying them on their late season charge to the playoffs." What no one seems to be saying is "If only Howard had been hitting at least as well as Carlos Delgado the Phillies would have clinched the division 3 weeks ago." That earns a hearty thumbs down from this guy.

The only real deserving candidate:

5. Albert Pujols. This guy almost single-handedly kept a less talented St Louis team in contetion far longer than they had any right to expect. His offensive numbers are right up there with the other guys, and he's also a premier defensive first baseman. Of candidates 1-4, only Sabathia's fielding could be rated higher than atrocious. Oh yeah, this is a guy who might need Tommy John surgery this offseason. The argument against Pujols seems to be the Cardinals are currently in 4th place in the NL Central. To that I say based on my own awesomely awesome observations, here are the approximate dates each of the other three contenders' teams would have clinched division if you traded their MVP candidate straight up for Albert Pujols:
New York Mets - September 29th. Having Pujols would just have given the bullpen larger leads to blow. He would have clinched the unanimous MVP the last day of the season when he hit 3 home runs to give the Mets the lead then took the ball to pitch the 8th and 9th innings.
Philadelphia Phillies - September 15th. The Mets would have been so far behind by the time they fired Willie that Delgado would have been cut and they'd be trying out rookies at every position except center field, shortstop, and third base.
LA Dodgers - June 27th. Seriously that division would have been wrapped up the All Star break. The NL West was absolute garbage this year.

Maybe it's just brain damage

No one would ever accuse Ben Roethlisberger of being the smartest guy in the world. It is possible that Big Ben's decision to try and stop a Chrysler with his forehead might have had a negative impact on his cognitive ability. It is also possible that his offensive line is just terrible. According to Pat Kirwan on NFL.com, Ben is on pace to get crushed like nobody since David Carr behind the expansion Texans' 2002 offensive line. Now I'm no doctor but I'm guessing that with all his poor brain has been through already, getting this guy hit like a Mets' relief pitcher is probably bad for his long term ability to play quarterback, to say nothing of shoveling Lucky Charms into his mouth. On the bright side, the Steelers play the Ravens this weekend and it's not like they're well known for defense or anything. What's that? Oh.

Oof

Let me take you inside the life of a Mets fan living in Eastern CT without satellite TV. You sit anxiously on the edge of your seat, occasionally chuckling at Jon Stewart's witty antics with former President Clinton, but mostly you make sure to keep sliding your finger around the touchpad of your laptop. See due to the illegality to broadcast Mets games in CT, even though you could have watched the game live on ESPN last night in Uzbekistan, you are relegated to the mlb.com gamecast. You cringe every time you see "In play, run(s)" when the other team is batting. You guess a solo homerun isn't so bad. DAMMIT! Why can't Ollie Perez get that bunt down? Ooo, a walk to Jose Reyes? Ok, we got something going. All right, a walk to Daniel Murphy! Two out rally! Two out rally! Tie game! Zambrano walked in the tying run! Yes! All right Carlos, let's get it done. "In play, run(s)!" YES! Yes! Yeah, baby...how many, how many...GRAND SLAM! Holy crap go Carlos! A little later on, if you're lucky, you'll notified that gamecast has posted a grainy video of the home run. If you're REALLY lucky, it'll even play for you! All right Ollie, got a 4 run lead, just bear down, throw some strikes, let's get this one home. Ok, 1 out single, that's all right, at least you're throwing strikes. No, fucking throw strikes. FUCK! D Lee walked. Come on Ollie, let's get out of this. AUGH! STOP FUCKING WALKING PEOPLE! All right, bases loaded, let's trade an out for a run. "In play, run(s)." Son of a bitch! How can you not get out of the 5th innnig? Fuck, this, you decide to go to hockey. Actually, you probably only do that if you're me.

Fast forward to a room full of sweaty naked men drinking Coors Light. Try not to get too excited. Hey, hey, hey now, bottom of the 9th, game tied at 6, winning run at third, no outs and oh baby, oh baby David Wright and his steely good looks are up! Come on little cell phone, refresh and tell me the good news! Struck out swinging? FUCK! That's all right David, I still love you! Ok, now they have to navigate the twin Carloses. Intentional walk? Well, I guess that makes sense, set up the double play. Intentional walk? All right baby, bases loaded, one out, you can win the game with an out. Come on Ryan Church! Your last name is a place Christians go to pray, you have to come through here, right? Right? Fucking force out at home plate? Fuck. All right, all right, still one more chance. Let's see Ramon Castro come through with two outs. He kind of looks like this guy so it's a forgone conclusion, right? Just need a little bloop single. Strike one. Man, a grand slam would be cool, but a little broken bat dribbler that no one could field works too. Strike two. All right I got a little greedy there, just a solidly hit ground ball in the hole. Nothing too fancy. Strike three! Well fuck, I know where this is headed.

Sure enough the Mets would lose a heart-breaker in 10 innings. A game in which they had a 5-1 lead and then had that incredible 9th inning. They managed to wrestle defeat from the jaws of victory. It's an incredibly difficult loss to take as a fan, especially with Philadelphia getting smoked by Atlanta and Milwaukee winning to draw even in the wild card race. What merely hours before seemed like a shot at the NL East title now feels like the penultimate blow in yet another Septmeber collapse.

Just when I think I'm out they suck me back in!

Love a good Godfather quote in the morning. Last night the Mets turned to their automatic collapse protection in an effort to prevent yet another September collapse. Just when I was coming to terms with the inevitable Johan spun a gem on the mound, going 8 strong innings and actually winning for a change. Behind the strength of Jose Reyes' and David Wright's steely good looks, I mean offense, the Mets held on for a 6-2 win. Most teams would probably find a 4 run lead in the 9th inning pretty comfortable, but Pedro Feliciano decided to give up two hits despite the fact he didn't actually face one of the Cubs' 8 best hitters. Luis Ayala came in to secure the win (this time) and the dream stayed alive for another day.

Last season Plaxico Burress gimped around on a bum ankle. Despite not practicing all season Burress established himself as one of the very best game day receivers. He made a huge deal out of reporting to work this offseason despite his unhappiness with his contract. Just before the season started, the Giants and his agent managed to work out a deal paying Burress as one of the top receivers in the game. I wondered at some point if Burress' success without practice was going to carry over to this season. Monday Plax decided not to show up. He did not tell anyone, he did not respond to efforts to contact him, and this morning coach Coughlin was unipressed with Burress' excuse for his absence. The star receiver was suspended this morning for the next two weeks, which is not as big a punishment as you'd think because the team has a bye this week. Burress will still miss two of his new fat paychecks. Fortunately for Giants fans, that means he will only miss Seahawks game a week from Sunday, and not a game against an actual NFL team. Still, kudos to Burress for proving once again he's just a big a douche as I always thought he was.

Ugh

"Fuck this I'm going home," quoth the author of this blog as Jason Marquis' grand slam sailed into the Mets bullpen. Faster than Jerry Manuel racing to the mound to remove his beleaguered rookie starter I was racing to my car to take me where my scotch is. John Niese pitched adequately through three innings before the wheels came off in the fourth. And by the wheels coming off I mean he gave up a bases-loaded home run to the opposing pitcher. Who bats left-handed! Did you know John Niese throws left-handed? Probably not, so John Niese throws left-handed! When I said Niese looks like a young Barry Zito, that wasn't exactly what I meant. Johan pitches tonight for the Mets, meaning the offense can take the night off. What's that? You mean you can still lose a game 1-0 even with your ace on the mound? Well shhhh, don't tell the bats! They might wake up!

Second verse, same as the first

The Mets bullpen coughed up another lead. It gets tiresome writing the same things over and over, but the same thing keeps happening over and over. The Mets will either turn over a lead to a bullpen that can't hold it or rely on the relievers to keep the game close until the offense can scratch out some runs. Delgado's late two-run home run was rendered meaningless by Atlanta's 4 run explosion in the bottom of the 8th, leaving the Mets struggling into their final week of the season. Another collapse at the hands of Chicago and Florida over the next 7 days and you'll find me at the bottom of a bottle. What's that? I'm already at the bottom of a bottle? Hmmm...well, let everyone be warned. The Mets miss the playoffs this year and it might depress me to the point of sobriety. Hide the women and children.

In less depressing news, the Giants clawed out a victory against a game Cincinnati team and won in overtime. A win is a win, but I was kind of expecting a 30 point blowout. It's really hard not to score more points against those guys. That being said, with Philly taking out Pittsburgh, Washington beating Arizona, and Dallas stomping Green Bay, the NFC East is now a combined 10-2, with the 2 losses coming intradivision. It was suggested to me this morning that the NFL should abandon the idea of awarding a playoff spot to the NFC West winner and just let all 4 NFC East teams in this year if they earn it.

Stay classy Atlanta

Naw, I'm just kidding, get fucked. Seriously, after fighting and clawing through every game over the weekend in Shea, the Braves and their retarded tomahawk chop rolled over and played dead for the Phillies. With three games left to play this season, the Braves are 2-13 against Philadelphia including 0-9 at home. Seriously, you didn't win ONE fucking game at HOME against a division rival? Hey, here's an idea, maybe next year you shouldn't let the Phillies players stay in your houses and fuck your wives! It seems that made them a little too comfortable.

Well this should be fun

For you I mean. Watching me slowly descend into a long depression after yet another late season collapse is becoming an annual event. For whatever reason, the Mets offense decided not to show up to Washington this week. Scoring a total of 2 runs in 2 games is just unacceptable. I'm not sure if Jerry Manuel is going to have to go gangster on the team but an offensive explosion tonight would go a LONG way towards shutting up the talking heads screaming about a repeat collapse.

Oh for fuck's sake!

Pedro did his best audition for a coveted spot in the Mets bullpen by sucking against the Nationals last night. Of course, it doesn't matter how many runs your starters or bullpen yield if your offense fails to generate more than one run against John Lannan. Who? Exactly. After the bullpen gave away two leads over the weekend, and let the game get out of hand last night, the Mets find themselves ahead by a single game in the all-important loss column.

In other news, here is a hilarious interview between Andrea Kramer and Ben Roethlisberger where he refuses to answer questions about his injured shoulder. You could make the case he just didn't want to talk about the injury. Personally I am not entirely sure Big Ben knows what a shoulder is and didn't want to give an answer that would make him look stupid.

DAMMIT!

Fuck you Ben Sheets! Suck on my left nut! That's right motherfucker, you don't even get the good one! That's how little I think of your performance last night! So the Phillies won. In other news, I read here on Metsblog.com that Chipper Jones is heating up just in time for the series at New York. It will be his final "fuck you" to the Mets fans if he can lead a sweep this weekend, Atlanta's final ever visit to Shea, despite the fact his team really sucks this year.

Good thing they play in a pitcher's park

The Mets and Nationals concluded their brief series at Shea last night, following a 10-8 affair with a 13-10 slugfest. The 41 combined runs was a record for a two game series in Queens, a fact that I made up and can't be bothered to verify. That's good math skills though, I did that in my head. Mike Pelfrey and Odalis Perez proved it is a bad idea to stay up all night drinking tequila lamenting why David Wright won't return their calls by giving up a combined 12 runs in 8 total innings of work. Amazingly, Pelfrey left the game after 5 innings in line for the victory before Aaron Heilman did what Aaron Heilman does and surrendered the lead on a 2 run homer. Fortunately, Saul Rivera and Joel Hanrahan are desparate to get out of Washington, and gave their best audition for slots in the Mets 2009 bullpen by surrendering 6 runs in the final two innings.

It is a little unfair to the Mets overworked bullpen that had been outstanding during the team's recent hot streak, but working with Oliver Perez and Pelfrey to surrender 18 runs to the Nationals is no small feat. The cellar dwellers from our nation's capital rank near the bottom in major league baseball in most offensive categories.

That was exciting

Getting into my car last night, I turned on the Mets game just in time to hear Carlos Delgado's second home run of the night, and the second home run in a row by a Mets player following Carlos Beltran's go-ahead shot. Joe Smith, Brian Stokes, and Luis Ayala kept the Nationals off the board, and the Mets held on for a come-from-ahead, come-from-behind victory. The bad news is Oliver Perez failed to hold leads of 2-0 and 5-2 against a light-hitting Nationals team. The good news is Delgado has had consecutive multi-homer games, and last night's gave him 7 for the year. That ties Delgado with Dave Kingman which gives me an opportunity to mention Kingman's nickname was (and possibly still is) Kong. How cool is that? Anyway, Delgado has been particularly unconscious the past couple of games, hitting 4 home runs that totaled about a third of a mile. Or maybe I'm unconscious. I punched myself in the head REALLY hard the other day. Whatever the cause, here's to hoping he doesn't wake up any time soon, because the Mets lead the Phillies by a mere 3 games in the loss column, and anything can happen over the last 3 weeks of the season.

It's on!

Following a tough 3 game series with the rival Phillies over the weekend, the Mets found themselves 2 games ahead (in the loss column) with 19 left to play. On the bright side, this guarantees there will be no collapse like last years, since it's the easiest thing in the world to blow a 2 game lead. Hell, I have every sort of faith they could do that in a weekend. What follows is 12 consecutive games against the Nationals and Braves, the bottom feeders of the NL East. Of course, it was the lowly teams last year that knocked the Mets out of first, so this is by no means a slam dunk for the season, especially with the Phillies having an easy road to the finish themselves.

On a sad note, it is time to retire my favorite, tag, possibly forever. Billy Wagner will undergo Tommy John surgery to repair his damaged elbow, and could well have thrown his last pitch for the Mets. Good luck to you in your recovery Mr. Wagner, you'll always be a motherfucker in my book.

This means the team must now turn to Luis Ayala for the closing duties. Ayala has pitched brilliantly for the team thus far, and we can only hope that his struggles earlier in the year can be attributed to the scientifically proven fact that donning a Washington Nationals jersey makes you suck at baseball. If Ayala fails, the closing duties turn to Brian Stokes, who failed spectacularly in the bullpen for Tampa last season, but everyone knows that was due to the presence of the word "Devil" in the team's name. Beyond Stokes the Mets would turn to a motley crew who have failed so spectacularly in the role so far this season. Looking on the bright side, the Mets suddenly anemic offense (outside of the mysteriously resurgent Carlos Delgado) would have to actually score enough runs to take the lead for the bullpen to blow it, so they have that going for them.

It's better to be lucky than good

Actually, that's bullshit. It's better to be lucky AND good, and the Mets seem to be pulling that off right now. Heading into a critical three game series against the hated Phillies, the Mets wrapped up a three game sweep in Milwaukee. The Brewers lead the National League wild card race largely on the strength of their dominant starting pitching. However CC Sabathia threw a one-hit shutout Sunday afternoon, meaning the Brewers ace A would not pitch against the Mets. On Monday, ace B Ben Sheets dominated the Mets for 5 innings before pulling himself from the game with a tweaked hair follicle, or something like that. The NL East leaders came from behind to win that game, won an extra-innings affair in the major league debut of John Niese the next night before finishing off the sweep in a dominating performance yesterday afternoon. Meanwhile, the rivals from Philadelphia ran into a suddenly and inexplicably hot Nationals team in Washington, dropping two of three. An unlikely three game sweep of the Phillies this weekend at Shea would put the Mets in prime position for another historic collapse.

Just close your eyes and swing

As Eric Gagne trotted in from the Brewers bullpen, I tried not to get too excited. On the one hand, at this point in his major league career I'm pretty sure Gagne could not get me out. On the other hand, I still have memories of an early April series between these two teams that saw Gagne earn two of his 10 saves this season. Things were different back then, right? There's no way Gagne could actually miss the bats of three consecutive hitters, could he? Daniel Murphy read the scouting reports, closed his eyes and laced a double to left-center field. David Wright outthought himself, tried to follow the path of the ball with his eyes and struck out. Carlos Delgado tried the same approach for two pitches before visibly saying to himself, "Fuck it, I'm going to close my eyes and swing." I mean, he presumably said it in Spanish, and I didn't actually see his lips move, but on the next pitch he crushed a go-ahead home run into the rightfield seats. The Mets would tack on another run and hold on for yet another come-from-behind victory.

In other news, hey Ed Rapuano...GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY! Now Beltran has a bruised knee that will probably be bothering him for the next few weeks of critical games. Thanks a lot. Dick.

Put me in coach!

Tied at 3 in the bottom of the 9th inning last night, Aaron Heilman promptly walked the leadoff hitter. A successful sacrifice bunt from the pitcher and a wild pitch later, the Marlins had the winning run on third with only one out. Heilman would intentionally walk the bases loaded bringing up Josh Willingham. 5 pitchers later Willingham walked bringing home the winning run. Hey, I can do that. You need someone to throw 16 pitches out of the strike zone? I am capable of that! Give me a quarter of a million dollars!

Where we stand

And by "we" I of course mean the Mets. Except for not showing up to the three remaining games for which I possess tickets, there is very little I can do for the team. As of right now, with September looming, the Mets are in first place, which is a pretty good place to be. The bullpen is still in disarray, the offense is inconsistent at best (except in the first inning), and at some point someone is going to realize 36 year old former sluggers don't often enjoy midseason resurgences. Seriously, will someon make Delgado pee in a cup? The man slugged another two home runs last night, including the tying shot with two outs in the 8th before the wheels came off for the Phillies bullpen. Sucks, doesn't it? Before the carnage was over, Daniel Murphy had a go-ahead RBI double and Brian Schneider hit a bloop single to drive in two more runs for the final margin, proving once and for all that white guys on the Mets wearing numbers in the 20s are always clutch. All in all it was nice to see the Mets put Tuesday night's tough loss behind them and come from behind late in a game.

In pathetic attempts to justify my stalkerish obsession news...read this little blurb on ESPN.com this morning: "Despite the gut-wrenching loss Tuesday night into Wednesday morning, Mets All-Star 3B David Wright stopped to sign autographs at 1:35 a.m. for a group of fans who were waiting outside the ballpark." Seriously, how can you not want to chain him up in a cage in your basement?

Fuck you bullpen...the sequel!

So last night the Mets jumped out to an early 7-0 lead, then flipped the switch to neutral and coasted to an 8-7 lost in extra innings. Hey, remember last year when you guys had a 7 game lead with 17 to play, flipped the switch to neutral and coasted to a second place finish? No? Cause we fucking do! The Mets are something of an enigma as the highest scoring team in ALL of baseball in innings 1-6, and the lowest scoring team in the National League in innings 7 on. See most teams like to grind it out against their opponents starter (theoretically one of the 5 best pitchers on the staff) and then beat up on the weak middle relief. Not the Mets. They like to stomp on the starter early, knock him out of the game, and the go back to the clubhouse to shower for a night ou...oh shit the game's still going on! Ah fuck it, they won't catch us, right? RIGHT? Damn.

In other news, after some deep soul searching Michael Strahan has decided to stay retired and not take over for the injured Osi Umenyiora. I was going to do a post about how a desparate Giants team lowballed their best option into staying retired, but it turns out they offered him a mint and he just really doesn't want to play anymore. Too bad, that was going to be some funny shit. The Giants will instead turn to plan B, moving linebacker Mathias Kiwanuka back to defensive end, where he started his career. Originally moved to linebacker last season because he was blocked by Strahan and Umenyiora, this seems like a good time to see what the former first round pick can do.

Fuck you bullpen!

I guess Mike Pelfrey finally figured out how to prevent the bullpen from giving away sure victories. Be efficient with your pitches, get lots of ground ball double plays in key situations, and make sure Carlos Delgado hits at least 2 three-run home runs when you pitch. It is rare that Jose Reyes can go 3-4 with a single, a double, a triple, a stolen base, 2 runs scored and 2 RBI and get completely ignored. That's what happens with Big Pelf throws his second straight complete game victory, the first Mets pitcher to do so since Brett Saberhagen in 1995. Not to mention Delgado's big night which included a slick 3-6-3 double play and a spectacular diving stop in the 9th inning that allowed Pelfrey to finish off the game.

It should be mentioned that ESPN's Baseball Tonight team was fighting to get in line to suck Jimmy Rollins' dick after his nice 3-3 night with a single, a double, a triple, 1 run scored and 2 RBI. But Rollins walked, too! Wait, so did Reyes? Well, Rollins' RBI came with 2 outs! Oh, so did Reyes'. I guess fuck Jose for making an out. And the audacity to steal a base! I mean come on, stealing shit is wrong. It says so in the bible.

Maybe it's me?

I'm pretty sure of the roughly 6 games I've attended this season at beloved rat hole Shea Stadium the Mets have lost roughly 12 of them. Wasting a spectacular two home run effort by Carlos Beltran yesterday afternoon, the Mets bullpen did what it always does and choked on a big fat dick. Actually, that's not entirely true. Scott Schoenweis, Joe Smith, Luis Ayala, and Duaner Sanchez combined for 2.2 innings of hitless relief. Unfortunately Aaron Heilman and Pedro Feliciano also pitched, managing to give up as many hits in 1 combined inning of work as tough look starter Oliver Perez gave up in 6.1. Heilman was particularly efficient, giving up 2 hits in 4 pitches.

Looking on the bright side, the bullpen's ineptitude kept the fickle Shea fans from whining, "You know, for $119 million, Beltran could've hit at least 3 fucking home runs." You can mark down a loss to the woeful Braves on September 13th, the next time I drag my cursed ass to the Stadium.

In other news, go fuck yourself preseason. On the bright side, it's now been over two years since Ben Roethlisberger tried to stop a car with his forehead. Who says football players are dumb?

Didn't see that coming!

If you had asked me in the offseason, I'd have told you that former first round pick Mike Pelfrey was a number 4 or 5 starter at best, and maybe destined for a long career as a middle reliever. Now he is leading the first place (well, for now) New York Mets in wins after his first career complete game, against the rival Braves no less. Now granted this isn't your mid-90s era Braves, but having a 6'7" kid with a power sinker never hurts. He finally figured out that he just needs to throw the ball over the middle of the plate and let his natural stuff do the work. Even with Johnny Maine struggling with soreness in his pitching arm, the Mets sport a fearsome starting rotation headlined by Johan Santana, followed by some combination of Oliver Perez, Big Pelf, and the still effective Pedro Martinez. I'd put that starting rotation up there with anyone in the National League in a short series. Now about that bullpen...

The week in sports

Michael Phelps won a record-breaking 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics including memorable finishes in the 4 x 100 freestyle relay and the 100 meter butterfly. But he only set 7 world records and I didn't watch a single race, so it could not have been all that important.

In interesting news, the All Blacks of New Zealand demonstrated a bend-don't-break strategy against the Springboks of South Africa, several times letting the host team reach the goal line (or whatever the fuck they call it in rugby) but refusing to yield any points. The All Blacks won 19-0 in a game that featured what seemed like a dozen missed kicks. Somewhere Mike Vanderjagt scoffed "I can do that."

The Mets won their 6th in a row on the road yesterday on the strength of a 3 hit shutout by Johan Santana. Johan finally figured out how to prevent the bullpen from blowing another sure victory by throwing only 5 pitches to retire the side in the 9th. Hey fuckheads how hard is that? The Mets looks to finish off their sweep of genuine baseball-like teams this afternoon in Pittsburgh and hold onto their slim 2 game lead over the Phillies.

AUGGHH!!!

I go to Southeast Asia for two fucking weeks and all of a sudden the team goes into a tailspin? A 1-5 road trip against Florida and Houston. HOUSTON? How the hell do you get swept by Houston? Did Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio suddenly pump themselves up on steroids and hit the time machine back to 1994? Maybe a mid-80s era Mike Scott was pitching for the Astros. Now I come to find out Johnny Maine and Billy Wagner are on the DL. Aaron Heilman is our closer? Ugh. It's going to be a bumpy August. Maybe it's for the best I'm halfway around the world. Although I still can't watch the fucking Mets. Tri-nation rugby is where it's at baby. South Africa v. New Zealand on August 16th. Should be some time in the middle of the fucking night. Woo.

Someone on ESPN needs to just fucking die

I've never actually rooted for anyone to have a heart attack live on the air before, but last night marked a first for me. As Josh Hamilton launched majestic home run after majestic home run, the commentators at ESPN took glee in beating the remarkable comeback story into the ground. This is a young man who not all that long ago was a washed up former #1 pick killing himself with a cocaine and heroin addiction. He found Jesus, cleaned up, and just 2 years later took center stage in the 2008 home run derby at Yankee Stadium. As yet another ball disappeared into the night sky, some jackass on ESPN announced, "I guess it's a bad day to be an atheist!"

Really? What with 1000s dying in the Middle East, millions dying in Africa, floods and natural disasters destroying communities, I'd say it's a pretty bad time to be a Christian. I mean if your lord and savior can't be bothered to intervene in all the global tragedies around the world but managed to find the time to jam some Viagra into (no offense to Mr. Hamilton) some asshole's bat, you'd really have to wonder about his/her/its priorities.

Paper tigers

I didn't really see that coming. The Mets entire team managed to round into form at the same time, taking a 9 game winning streak into the All Star break. Of course, the last 6 of those 9 games have come against hapless NL West opponents, but sweeping consecutive series at home is no small feat. The 9 game winning streak is the team's longest since they last won the National League in 2000 and along the way the Mets became the first team in the modern era (post 1900) to give up 3 or fewer hits in 5 consecutive games.

So what does it all mean? In the end...not a whole heck of a lot. The Mets won some games they are supposed to win and look to have the talent to be right near the top of a weak NL East. A break here and there, some good luck with their health and this team can absolutely win the division and make the playoffs.

Far and away the most exciting part of the recent hot streak is the apparent emergence of Mike Pelfrey, a Mets first round pick who until very recently had struggled at the major league level. Thanks to some tremendous run support, Pelfrey is now the proud owner of a personal 6 game winning streak, but beyond that has looked downright dominant at times. He has given up 1 earned run over his last 3 starts, including 7 innings of shutout ball against the Cardinals last week and 8 shutout innings against the Rockies last night. The idea of Pelfrey, who has all the physical tools, working as an effect #2 or #3 starter on a contending team has to have Mets fans everywhere giddy. In fact, in no small part because Pelfrey's contribution, you can now show this much of your face with pride as a Mets fan:

Anything you can do I can do worse

In a battle of ineptitude, managers Manuel matched up to see who could make the worst move in last night's 10-9 slugfest. Phillies manager Charlie cast the die with the curious decision to sacrifice rookie pitcher R.J. Swindle of the 55 MPH curveball fame. David Wright greeted him with a home run to left. The Mets would eventually push the lead to 10-1 against Swindle, and then since they didn't learn from some sort of calamity last year (people keep telling me about it, I have no idea what they're talking about) they took their foot off the gas and coasted home.

Mets manager Jerry, perhaps disgusted with his team's lack of effort in the later innings, decided to show them and brought in Tony Armas Jr. Hey, maybe there was a reason he was available! After Pedro pitched an effective 5 1/3 innings, Jerry brought Armas in for some mop up duty. He promptly gave the Phillies a glimmer of hope, allowing them to climb with 10-5. In marched Aaron Heilman, he of the short attention span and the uncanny knack to give up home runs. 1 1/3 innings later, Heilman turned it over to that motherfucker Billy Wagner at 10-7.

Not to be outdone, amidst the comeback Charlie removed his best player, secondbaseman Chase Utley for no good reason. Maybe he was afraid a monster left-handed bat in the lineup might have been able to push the tying run across the plate and then his fat ass would have to wait through extra innings to get to the buffet. For good measure, Jerry got ejected in the bottom of the 7th arguing a disputed home run call (replay anyone?), perhaps worried that Charlie might eat his way through the clubhouse before he got there.

Anyway, in the 9th that motherfucker Wagner came on and promptly allowed the first two batters to reach base. A strikeout and a fly out and Wagner found himself facing the tying run with two outs in the bottom of the 9th. Even though I wasn't watching a shiver of deja vu ran down my spine. Sure enough, a sharply hit single to center followed by a throwing error from Beltran allowed two runners to score and the tying run to reach scoring position, bringing up Sunday's hero (well, until the 12th) Jason Werth. This time that motherfucker Wagner induced a flyout, ending the game, and preventing what can only be presumed to be a crushing loss.

As always, I will try to see the bright side to the team nearly blowing a 9 run lead, so let's go with Jose Reyes. The man had a monster game and looks to be rounding into 2006 form when he was the spark plug that made the offense go. A big shout out to Endy Chavez whose 3 hits, 2 RBI and 2 runs were instrumental in building the early lead.

Billy Wagner is a motherfucker

"MOTHERFUCKER!" I screamed last night as a 2 out, 2 strike slider to Jason Werth in the bottom of the 9th inning disappeared over the left-centerfield wall. One bad pitch turned a 2-0 lead into a 2-2 extra innings affair. Fortunately for Billy, the Mets have Fernando Tatis. Huh, that sounds weird. Oh well, I'm going to roll with it. Fortunately, the Mets have Fernando Tatis who hit a home run in the top of the 12th, providing the Mets with the deciding runs in their 4-2 victory. Interestingly, just before Wagner blew the save the Mets announcers provided the interesting fact that the Mets had not won a game scoring 2 or fewer runs since last July. It was almost like Wagner heard them and thought to himself, "Yeehaw! Now that sounds like tradition and I ain't one to buck tradition. Here ya go Werthie!" For the record, I assume Billy Wagner starts every thought, sentence, and action with "Yeehaw!"

Oliver Perez pitched 7 shutout innings, Carlos Beltran drove in the first two Met runs with a solo home run and a two out RBI single, and the Mets escaped a 2 on, 1 out jam in the bottom of the 8th after a lengthy rain delay, but the unsung hero of the game was reliever Joe Smith. Smith spun 2 1/3 scoreless innings, matching his longest career outing, and even provided a moment of levity in the top of the 12th when his second career major league at bat saw him strike out on three pitches. Just a suggestion Joe, but next time you might want to try getting your feet entirely within the batter's box.

The Mets have won 2 of 3 from the first place Phillies, and conclude their series in the city of brotherly hate tonight at 7:05.

Set your expectations on blah!

For over a full calendar year now, the Mets have been a .500 baseball team. That means you can fully expect the Mets to play about .500 baseball for the rest of the season. No, seriously, there's no magical cure, there's no quick fix solution. Maybe Oliver Perez will respond better to the new pitching coach and pitch well more consistently, but he's got a pretty established track record of pitching down to his competition, except for the Yankees against whom for some reason he pitches really well. Pedro Martinez is no longer the Pedro of even 2005, and sadly Carlos Delgado is no longer the Carlos of 2007, who wasn't very good at all. The Mets threw a 4 year contract at a 30-something year old slap-hitting second baseman with arthritic knees who reportedly looks like a mummy after every game he's so wrapped up in bandages. Their offense is almost entirely non-existent outside of Wright, Reyes, and Beltran. They rely heavily on Moises Alou, who's never healthy, and Ryan Church, who is playing better than anyone could have imagined but has yet to figure out that his head is not the ideal point of contact with large, immovable objects. Johan Santana has been great despite his mediocre record, John Maine has been very good as has Billy Wagner, and Mike Pelfrey is showing signs of figuring it out.

The farm system is a little barren at the moment, meaning they cannot be a player for a big time prize like C.C Sabbathia. That means they'd have to part with their top prospects for a bottom of the order older corner outfielder like Xavier Nady, who is certainly not the missing link. Sadly the team looks like it will have to play out the remainder of the season, never really in contention but never really out of it. They will then part ways with Delgado and Alou, eat Castillo's ridiculous contract, figure out if Pedro can settle into a solid middle of the rotation pitcher, and convince Church to start wearing a helmet in the outfield a la John Olerud. It is not outside the realm of possibility that they'll be able to sneak into the playoffs with 87 wins like the Yankees in 2000 or the Cardinals in 06, but the second half of this season should be an open audition for upgrades at the problem positions. In the meantime, remember the Mets have 2 of the top 16 players in the entire game manning the left side of their infield according to the very smart people over at baseball prospectus and a top 15 pitcher having a "down year." This team isn't all that bad, it just isn't all that good either.

Well that worked out all right

David Wright had his first full game off of the season Tuesday night in the 11-0 loss to the Mariners. In Wednesday night's game, Wright homered in his first two at bats before the Mariners pitchers wised up and walked him his third trip to the plate. Of course his fourth time up Wright popped out. Back to the bench with you young man!

In other news from the game last night, John Maine took a no hitter into the 5th inning before a hard hit ball eluded Carlos Delgado at first base. The Mets have never had a pitcher throw a no hitter in their 46 year history. In every no hit game a fielder will go a little beyond the norm to make a defensive play to preserve the no hitter. The lesson here is you're probably not going to get a no hitter with the fucking Carlos Delgado statue at first base.

Mets try a different tactic

Honestly, that's a new one. The Mets lost last night 5-2. The big blow of the night was a 2 out grand slam by the opposing pitcher Felix Hernandez who was caught on camera swinging with his fucking eyes closed. It was the first home run by a Mariners pitcher in their history (dating all the way back to like 1969) and the first grand slam by an American League pitcher since 1971. Of course the AL has been using their retarded designated hitter rule since 1972, limiting their opportunities.

Showing that they're not going to take that kind of shit from an AL pitcher, the Mets knocked Hernandez out of the game in the bottom of the fifth inning. Sure they could have strung together hit after hit and piled up runs in a stirring come from behind victory, but instead Carlos Beltran slid into Hernandez's ankle scoring from third on a wild pitch. The Mariners catcher tried to tag Beltran himself, which meant Hernandez was just kind of there in the way, but he's really fat so maybe he thought that would deter Beltran from sliding. Regardless, Hernandez had to leave, the Mets still couldn't score any runs, and Johan Santana took his third loss of the season in which he gave up only one earned run. Also, Hank Steinbrenner blew his top and demanded baseball institute a rule preventing runners from scoring from third on a passed ball or a wild pitch because of the dangerous position it can put the less athletic AL pitchers.

Fire Willie Watch Day 3,428 (give or take)

Wait, what's that? They fired Willie?? AFTER having him fly across the country to manage one fucking game that they won??? AFTER he faced the reporters and was forced to answer questions about his uncertain job status???? Even though before he got on the bus to the fucking airport in New York he sensed something was amiss so repeatedly asked if he was about to get fired????? You seriously sent out a press release at 3:15 in the fucking morning New York to announce the news??????

ARGGHHHH!!!!!

Whether or not it was the right move to fire the manager (it probably was but it won't solve the deep-rooted problems of the team) there was not a worse way to handle the situation. The word I keep hearing thrown around in regards to the firing is "disgraceful." Fucking fire him before he flies to California or wait until he's at least checked into the damned hotel. Of course the Wilpons, the owners of the team, are incredibly sensitive to the public perception of their investment, which makes it even more mind boggling that they didn't see this coming.

Last night after the Celtics game I was checking out the bottom line on ESPN looking for a Mets score when I saw an item scroll by about the fiasco. The Wilpons released a statement saying the timing and the decision were all GM Omar Minaya. BULL FUCKING SHIT! Whatever mistakes Minaya has made as GM, he was reportedly Willie's last remaining supporter within the organization. So you're telling me that the one guy who supposedly DIDN'T want to fire Willie Randolph pulled this shit??????? Fuck it, my question mark key just broke! I tell you right now, it's embarrassing being a Mets fan.

Second verse, same as the first

Billy Wagner blew his third straight save this afternoon. Johan Santana pitched 7 dominating innings, leaving with a 4-0 lead only to watch the bullpen give it up yet again. Wagner traded in his goat horns for the much bigger and heavier moose horns giving up a 2 run lead in the 9th inning. While I stab my Billy Wagner voodoo doll repeatedly in the left elbow (mental note, next time wait until AFTER the game to do this) I try to focus on the positive. Hey, at least Ramon Castro showed up on time. He also went 2-5 with a RBI and 2 runs scored. Ugh.

Billy Wagner makes the baby jebus cry

Has it really been a week since I posted? Oops. Over the weekend, the Mets got swept in a 4 game series by the moribund San Diego Padres. The Mets lost the first three games by identical 2-1 scores before Wagner blew a potential 4 out save Sunday afternoon, turning a 6-4 lead into an 8-6 loss. The losing streak stretched to 5 games when the thunderstorm Tuesday night failed to protect a 5-3 lead, yielding 2 runs during the delay before the Diamondbacks won going away 9-5.

Last night Mike Pelfrey took a shutout into the 9th inning, but left after giving up a leadoff single. Why was Pelf still pitching in the 9th inning of a 3 run game after having thrown 112 pitches? Fucked if I know! But there he was, and in came Wagner, trotting from the bullpen for an easy save. Strikeout, double, strikeout, home run and the game is tied. The Mets would eventually win in the bottom of the 13th inning on a Carlos Beltran walk off home run, but you really wish Pelfrey could have been rewarded for a pitching line that saw him go 8+ innings and give up 1 earned run (that scored on the home run).

Warning, actual technical baseball analysis ahead! So why has Wagner struggled so much recently when he's been lights out all year? Billy made a change to his delivery in the offseason, pitching from a full windup instead of the stretch. However, if runners are on base, he has to go back to the stretch delivery he's used in years past. Coming in for save situations to start innings, there are no runners on base. His last two appearances he has come in with runners on and given up home runs. Unfortunately, it seems that Wagner is almost entirely ineffective at this point in his career pitching from the stretch, which would be key in the event the Mets actually made the postseason. This means Willie can't use his best reliever with runners on base. Gah! Anyway, end technical baseball analysis.

However, I'm positive kind of guy (cough) so let's focus on the positives. First off, major kudos to Pelfrey who turned in his third straight solid start. Considering he's the only pitching prospect the Mets have, they need him to prove he can consistently win games at the major league level. Second, big props to Beltran for coming through in the bottom of the 13th with two outs. This guy has take a lot of heat over the years because of the size of his contract so I love to see him get those big hits. And finally let's talk about the bullpen who kept the Diamonbacks off the board after Wagner choked on a fat dick leading to Beltran's 13th inning heroics.

Exclusive draft coverage!

With their two first round selections in this year's First-Year Player Draft the Mets selected firstbaseman Isaac Davis from Arizona State University and shortstop David Havens from the University of South Carolina - Columbia. Honestly, I don't know enough about baseball scouting to know if those are good picks or not. I just know that Davis was not born yet and Havens was a week old the last time the Mets won a World Series in 1986. Do you feel old yet?

Presenting your Stanley Cup Champions!

The Detroit Red Wings won game 6 last night in dramatic fashion, clinching the Stanley Cup for the 4th time in the past 12 years. In case it didn't come through clearly, I was rooting like hell for Pittsburgh because fuck Detroit!

Anyway, Henrik Zetterberg deservedly took home the Conn Smyth trophy as the playoff MVP, scoring the eventual game winning goal in the third period. Pittsburgh goalie Marc Andre Fleury followed his 55 save virtuoso performance with a rather pedestrian effort in game 6. The third goal was a screened wrist shot that Fleury saved but could not hold. The puck trickled behind him and when he realized it he pushed the puck into his own net with his ass trying to flop backwards to cover it. Of course, without Fleury's heroics in game 5, this game never happens, so you really can't fault him. Much.

The game was not without its moments of controversy. Late in the third period with Detroit holding a seemingly insurmountable two goal lead, Pittsburgh was awarded a power play on a questionable hooking call. In a vacuum, it was a no doubt call as the Jiri Hudler had his stick parallel to the ice and used it to impede the progress of Evgeni Malkin. Given how the game and the series had been called to that point, it seemed like a no call. On the ensuing power play, Marian Hossa scored on a deflection of a Sergei Gonchar wrist shot. The reason Hossa was able to get a free stick on the shot was Pittsburgh's Ryan Malone slashed the stick out of Detroit's Andreas Lilja's hands, sending it spinning gracefully through the air. It made for a beautiful, artistic moment, but it was also a no doubt, easy to call slash on Malone that should have ended Pittsburgh's advantage.

Within a goal, Pittsburgh was making a final, desperate push with their goalie pulled for an extra attacker when Pavel Datsyuk gathered the puck for Detroit and skated towards the empty net. Right around the red line a Penguins player ripped Datsyuk's feet out from under him, sending the Russian sprawling and leading to one of the more exciting finishes to a playoff series I've ever seen. The puck worked its way across the ice as the time dwindled down. With only a few seconds left, all world superstar Sidney Crosby found the puck on his stick with a clear shot at the net. Crosby ripped off one of the great backhands you'll ever see. Red Wings goalie Chris Osgood got the tip of his glove on the shot and the puck trickled behind him. In a last desperate effort for a team that never gave up Hossa lunged for the loose puck and pushed it across the goal mouth as the clock wound down to zero.

It was a great end to a great series. The best team won and the NHL got a spectacular show out of its marquis match up.

The return of Pedro

After weeks of speculation, Pedro finally took the mound for the Mets in San Fransisco last night for the first time since leaving his first and only start of the season with a pulled hamstring. Far from his dominating prime, Pedro pitched 6 effective innings, working his way around 7 hits and 2 walks while giving up 3 runs. The Mets scored 8 times in the 5th inning, mostly off of $126 million mistake Barry Zito (hey, only 5 1/2 more years left on that contract Giants fans!). They then held on for a 9-6 victory. The best news to me was Pedro throwing 109 pitches in those 6 innings. Obviously it remains to be seen how his body recovers from the game, but a healthy and effect Pedro gives the Mets a top 3 of Johan Santana, Pedro, and John Maine, a troika I would put against any team in the league.

You wouldn't make it in the NHL

Last night Pittsburgh survived game 5 in Detroit 4-3 in triple overtime. Petr Sykora scored about halfway through the 6th period on a power play goal. Ryan Malone planted himself directly in front of goalie Chris Osgood, blocking his vision on the winning tally. Earlier in the game Malone took a heavy slapshot off his already broken nose after planting himself directly in front of Osgood trying to block his vision. Hockey players are tough.

Penguins defenseman Sergei Gonchar earned an assist on the winning tally nearly two hours after he left the game with concussion-like symptoms that popped up when Gonchar crashed full speed head first into the boards. Gonchar on his game-winning assist said, "The game was so long. I wanted to help our guys. I started feeling better at the end of the second overtime, so I thought there was a chance." Hockey players are tough.

Sykora's goal came on a four minute power play. Defenseman Rob Scuderi took a high-stick to his face that caused a cut. The NHL has an automatic 4 minute penalty for any stick infraction that draws blood. Scuderi talking about his face said, "I was just praying for blood." Hockey players are out of their fucking minds.

Game 6 is back in Pittsburgh Wednesday night. Pretend it's a football game that moves faster than a snail's pace and doesn't stop every 8 seconds for 45 minutes for everyone to catch their breath and FUCKING WATCH IT!

Pens win!

The Penguins got on the scoreboard in a big way last night, jumping to leads of 2-0 and 3-1 before holding onto a 3-2 victory in game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Probably because he was laughing too hard at Sidney Crosby's attempt at a playoff beard, Red Wings goalie Chris Osgood was unable to stop the Penguins' captain's first two shots, and the underdogs from Pittsburgh held on for the rest of the game. Looking remarkably like their counterparts from Detroit, the Pens kept possession of the puck for most of the end of the third period, preventing the Red Wings from mounting a serious attack with their goalie pulled in the final minutes.

On a different note, Wings leading scorer Johan Franzen is amazing. He's roughly the size of a tractor trailer yet he's able to dance through opposing defenses like a young Peter Forsberg. What is it with giant Swedes being able to move like that? If I wasn't already taken by a dashing baseball player, I might be tempted to develop another man crush. Tune in Saturday night for the exciting game 4 on, oh fuck it, you're not going to watch anyway you football swilling assholes!

Mets come from behind!

For the first time all year, the Mets won a game when trailing after 8 innings. The unlikeliest of heroes, Endy Chavez hit his first home run since tearing his hamstring early LAST season to tie the game leading off the bottom of the 9th. Then after falling behind in the top of the 12th, David Wright led off the bottom of the frame with a walk. Carlos Beltran followed with a single to move Wright to third, then after Damion Easley struck out Fernando Tatis ended the game with a two run double. It was the first career game-winning hit for Tatis who sat out the entire 2004 and 2005 seasons contemplating retirement.

Jose Reyes went 2 for 5 with a walk to extend his hitting streak to 13 games, reaching base for the 28th straight game. Carlos Beltran went 2 for 6, reaching base for the 31st straight game. Both players are instrumental to the Mets offensive success so it's nice to see them settling into the season.

The most encouraging sign from last night's game, lost a little bit in the excitement of the Mets actually coming from behind to win a game was Aaron Heilman's 2 innings of hitless relief. As recently as last season, Heilman was an integral part of the bullpen, slamming the door shut in the 8th inning to set up Billy Wagner in the 9th. This season he seems to be giving up a home run every game and has been key in the Mets inability to come from behind. It is just disheartening to watch a 1 run deficit balloon to 3 or more because your supposedly steady middle-relievers take such pleasure in watching a small white ball disappear into the night sky far beyond the outfield fence.

METS WIN!!!

With a dearth of genuine victories thus far, it seems prudent to really highlight the honest to goodness winning ballgames. No, seriously. The Mets scored more than the other team over the course of the appropriate 9 inning span. Billy Wagner got to throw blazing fastballs to opposing hitters in a save situation instead of bitter one-liners to bored beat reporters.

Johan Santana, signed in the offseason in part to prevent long losing streaks pitched 7 effective innings for the Mets. Santana to (Duaner) Sanchez to Wagner. I could stand to see that a few more times this season. Embattled (?) shortstop Jose Reyes extended his hitting streak to 9 straight games, much to the disappointment of Mets fans everywhere expecting him to hit in at least 11 or 12 of his last 9 games. Embattled (?) centerfielder Carlos Beltran reached base for the 30th consecutive start, but hit less than 4 grand slams earning derisive boos from the crowd.

Looking to the positives, subs Damion Easley, Ramon Castro, and Fernando Tatis combined for 5 hits and all 5 RBIs for the Mets. In addition, Pedro is scheduled to make his second start of the season June 3rd! All hail the savior! Pedro will make it all right, I KNOW he will. Rocks back and forth. All kidding aside, it'll be nice to have Pedro's voice in the locker, deflecting some attention away from the players who are less comfortable in front of the camera. Throwing his fastball in the mid to upper 80s and his changeup in the mid to upper 70s will help a lot too.

Championship updates

The Celtics won then lost at home, and won then lost on the road. Based on my expert analytical skills, I predict this series to go at least 6 games. The Lakers and Spurs split in LA, then the Spurs took game 3 at home. A bunch of people who know a lot more about basketball than I do still feel the Lakers to be the better team in this series, and likely to emerge victorious. Then the discussion turned to whether or not this year's championship will mark the start of another dynastic run by the Lakers. Given that they've won exactly nothing so far, I'd have to go with a resounding yes!

In more important news, the Detroit Red Wings have taken a commanding 2 games to none lead in the Stanley Cup finals. Now winning the first two games at home is hardly cause for the engraver to start worrying about the correct spelling of Datsyuk, but the manner of the victories has NHL executives everywhere groaning at the prospect of Sidney Crosby NOT winning the ultimate prize. The Penguins have failed to record a single goal thus far in the Finals, and have looked pretty meek in doing so. It turns out that thus far in the playoffs, Detroit's best offensive line of Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, and Tomas Holmstrom has been their best defensive line, which is just fucking unfair. Given the ability to match lines, an advantage of the home team, coach Mike Babcock has been able to get his best defensive line out against Pittsburgh's top offensive line, while at the same time get his best offensive line out against Pittsburgh's weakest defensive players.

Heading back to Pittsburgh, look for the Penguins to try to match their Staal line against Detroit's Datsyuk line, freeing Sidney Crosby from the defensive duties he hasn't been performing anyway. Also look for Evgeni Malkin to show up, which would be nice considering as far as I can tell, Pittsburgh's best player this season forget to get on the fucking plane to Detroit.

All kidding aside, it is time to appreciate just how good this Red Wings team really is. With their ability to stifle opposing teams, even a one goal lead early in the first period is nearly insurmountable. Chris Osgood has been very good in net for the Wings, but by no means spectacular. In a way, it reminds me of Grant Fuhr, one of the winningest goalies of all time but far from one of the best. He just had the advantage of having Gretzky, Messier, and the rest of the 1980s Edmonton Oilers pumping 6+ goals a game by the opposing goaltender. Osgood went nearly 8 minutes in last night's game before he faced his first shot. It takes an incredible amount of focus to be ready at that point, especially since you know, I know, and Osgood definitely knows that woman in the 3rd row wasn't wearing any underwear. So tune in tomorrow night in spectacular HD (even on Charter!) to see if the Penguins get it rolling at home, or the ruthless winning machine in Detroit marches on to their seemingly inevitable championship.