Elly faces new foot injuries

According to Adam Schefter of ESPN.com, Elly Manning is questionable Sunday with a stress reaction in his right foot. The official story says plantar fasciitis led to the reaction, which could develop into a fracture over time. Unofficial reports state Elly hurt his foot wearing 4 inch stiletto heels out to a night club Friday night, apparently because "they make [him] feel sexy" and "let's be honest, they make [his] calves look rock hard" when paired with his favorite little black cocktail dress.

Wait, Mike Tomlin looks like who again?

Apparent some racist white people have been making a stereotypical comparison between Mike Tomlin and Omar Epps. Well, much like the classless asshats they always are, Fox decided to capitalize on our collective bigotry and work it into their television show.

Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease!

According to ESPN.com's Adam Schefter, the Buffalo Bills have identified Kevin Gilbride among others as a finalist for the recently vacant head-coaching position. As a Giants fan, I can assure the Bills that despite Gilbride's career 6-16 record as a head coach, he would be a fine choice for a team that struggles offensively. His decision to pass on obvious running downs, pass on obvious passing downs, and refuse rushing touchdowns in order to attempt to pass for them instead really keeps defenses on their toes. We lovers of Big Blue would be heartbroken to lose such a successful coordinator, but hold some excitement for the possibility that a replacement might be able to spot wee Brandon Jacobs on the field and find him some carries.

That's a funny looking hand

Pictured above is Thierry Henry's brilliant sleight of hand to set up the game-tying goal for France against Ireland. The game went into extra time as Ireland's lead after regulation resolved nothing in the two match series to determine who would advance to the World Cup in 2010. Henry magically pulled his foot out of his cleat, pushed it through the sleeve of his shirt, knocked the ball down, then almost instantly returned his limbs to their appropriate positions before passing the ball to a wide open William Gallas for the Cup-clinching goal. It was a truly amazing display of athleticism that puts to rest the notion that world's greatest athletes are anything but football (soccer) players.

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Time sensitive jokes!

Honestly, are there any better jokes than those that are utterly dependent on the news of today? Those Dan Quayle jokes have really stood up to the test of time. Well have I got a joke for you! And this one is valid from Wednesday, November 11, 2009 until Friday, November 13, 2009. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, in honor of your 6-6-6 New York Islanders, I give you...IRON MAIDEN!

Monday dreaming

I had this fucked up dream last night. It started in my living room in a very Van Helsing type situation where my friends and I were harboring someone being pursued by a werewolf. Instead of automatic crossbows and Kate Beckinsale's tits we were armed with Wii nunchaku and drunken bravado. Fast forward and I'm on an alien world and I think I've stepped on a rock but instead it's either tiny alien civilization or a plantar wart and I'm really befuddled and OH MY GOD TROY POLAMALU IS AWESOME!

Did you fucking see the play in the 4th quarter with the game still very much in doubt? With Denver pinned deep inside their own territory trailing 14-10, Polamalu blows Correll Buckhalter up for no gain on the first play, then picks off Kyle Orton's pass on the next play. The rest of the defense could have just sat down and said "You got this one Troy?" With his flowing locks blowing in the Denver breeze, Polamalu answered in his lilting tenor, "I got this one."

Video of the interception here. Picture from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette of Polamalu's spectacular one-handed interception in week 1 below.

Latest study links marijuana use to pitching success

San Fransisco Giants ace Tim Lincecum was cited for misdemeanor marijuana use following a traffic stop in Hazel Dell, Washington on Halloween eve. When reached for comment the former Cy Young award winner said, "Dude, it was prescribed to me by the team coaching staff."

"Well Tim used to get all nervous and jittery on the mound and had trouble locating his fastball," said head trainer Dave Groeschner. "We found that a bong hit 15 minutes before first pitch at home games and about an hour before road games helped calm his nerves. Then you just give him a puff off of a one-hitter as needed between innings and BAM, instant ace. Just look at his dramatic improvement in ERA and WHIP from year one to year two! We actually got the idea from [Pittsburgh Steelers' head trainer] John Norwig who found substituting tequila for water in [kicker] Jeff Reed's water bottle helped with pressure kicks."

Pad save and a beauty

Scroll to the 3:54 mark here and check out Sidney Crosby's pad save. What's that you say? Sidney Crosby isn't a goalie. Haven't I told you before Crosby's better than you at everything?