Randon shower thoughts

Between touching myself in the shower and touching myself in the shower, I came to a startling realization this morning; outside of Peyton Manning and a healthy Tom Brady, there is no one in the NFL I'd rather have under center for the Giants than Eli Manning. Not that I was thinking about Eli Manning while touching myself in the shower, that would be weird. In all seriousness, for the first time in my adult life I have no complaints about the Giants offense. That is not to say you can start printing your Super Bowl tickets, I mean, the Giants beat the unbeatable Patriots last year. This is kind of fun, especially with the defense playing as well has it has all year. So I am taking the bold step of retiring the Eli still sucks tag. It feels weird, considering last year I was ready to send Eli and Coughlin to the curb, but here goes...Eli Manning is a decent quarterback. Ugh, I just had a nervous sick feeling, but I'm going to roll with it.

The Giants are all right

The Giants crushed Baltimore 30-10 yesterday and having personally attended the game I can attest to the fact the Giants are not 30-10 better than the Ravens. The score should have been much higher. A missed extra point, a terrible kickoff out of bounds that resulted in a Baltimore field goal, horrendous defense on third and long, a couple of awful efforts from Plax, and the icing on the cake from offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride. Ahmad Bradshaw ripped off a run of 77 yards down to the Baltimore 2. The Giants called timeout, presumably to rest Bradshaw in an effort to get him into the end zone. Coming out of the timeout, the Giants frantically were switching personnel, Eli was looking to the sideline in confusion, and just before the play clock ran out they ran a poorly conceived fade route to Burress in the corner of the end zone. Seriously, coming out of a timeout and they didn't even have the right people on the field, much less the correct play called. These are things you can get away with against an overrated Baltimore team (best victory to date over the Miami Dolphins) but will probably come back to haunt them come playoff time.

Shaquille O'Neal is large

Grabbed the video from Awful Announcing who highlighted Steve Nash being white and goofy and Hubie Brown being careless with his description, but what struck me most about this skirmish is Shaq shoving everyone. First he tosses Tracy McGrady (6'8" 223 lbs) to the ground like a rag doll. Then he shoves Yao Ming (7'6" 310) down, who admittedly trips over McGrady but still manages to look awkward and uncoordinated in doing so. Finally as the coaches try to grab Rafer Alston Shaq shoves Alston and manages to push the whole scrum about 8 feet. I can't wait for this guy to become sheriff!

Alexander Ovechkin is a beautiful man

He is either the prettiest ugly man or the ugliest pretty man in the world, I can't decide. I mean seriously, it's not a face you'd want to see at any point, ever, but he does shit like this:



That's actually harder than it looks. Coming soon...I'll learn how to hide those behind a link! Naw, I'm just kidding, that seems hard and I'm very stupid.

Get PUMPED America! The weekend of Martin Luther King Jr's birthday we inaugurate our nation's first ever non-white president AND they play the most diverse of games in the world, hockey, as the Capitals host the Bruins. Anyone? Anyone? Well, Willie O'Ree played for the Bruins. Wait, the Boston team broke the color barrier? You mean the same city whose baseball team had a quota for black players until the 70s? Hockey for the win, bitches!

Your evidence sucks

Apparently the reason the Giants won last night was an odd call where Eli seemingly threw the ball beyond the line of scrimmage but the call was overturned on replay giving the Giants a critical first down. A screen capture from the game is above. I want to be very clear on this so listen up.

THE FUCKING LINE IS UNOFFICIAL! How fucking hard a concept is that? They take this myopic image from the game and say "See, lookie there, he's beyond the line!" Meanwhile, as shown on the replay numerous times, yet conveniently never mentioned by the announcers, the line of scrimmage was nearly at the 20 yard line. While we're talking about imaginary lines, draw one up from where Eli's right knee appears to be in relation to the 20 yard line, and that's where the line of scrimmage actually was. What does that mean? His foot was ENTIRELY behind the line. The rule states that if any part of your body is behind the line, it is a legal pass. His foot was CLEARLY behind the line and the call on the field was CLEARLY wrong. The Giants challenged, the refs got the call right, and the game moved on. Shut the fuck up already!

The Giants are pretty good

In the midst of a brutal stretch of their schedule, the Giants play 4 division rivals in 6 weeks, with one of the non-conference games against the very good Baltimore Ravens. After shellacking an undermanned Cowboys team last week, the Giants put it to the Eagles in Philadelphia last night. The final score of 36-31 is not indicative of how dominant the men in blue played. The Giants nearly doubled the Eagles in terms of time of possession, and racked up over 100 more yards in rushing. Hey, those stats might be related! The Giants are now 3-0 against the NFC East which is all the more remarkable given that the rest of the NFL is 6-13 against the division.

I agree with Golic

Being a complete drunk, I missed the follow up to last week's Cowboys versus Giants game. It turns out that the NFL originally backed up the ridiculous roughing the passer call against Justin Tuck and fined him $7500. Anyone with the ability to see and a fully functional brain can see Tuck hit the quarterback at the exact moment he released the ball, and while he landed on the quarterback, he tried to brace himself with his hands to prevent his fully body weight from landing on Bollinger. Fining Tuck for this hit is a fucking joke. If you are going to prevent defensive players from making plays like this, you might as well give the quarterback a red jersey and flags. To hear ESPN's Mike Golic rant about this fine click here (you may need insider access).

On Friday, Commissioner Roger Goodell rescinded the fine saying it was too "harsh". I would have been happier had he said because it was "fucking bullshit." At least Tuck didn't have to pay for making a good play. I still feel we are only a season or two away for defensive players receiving 15 yard penalties for "tackling the quarterback." It's going to make it hard to earn a living as a defensive lineman.

That was uncompetitive

The Giants waxed the division rival Cowboys last night 35-14 and this morning all anyone is talking about on ESPN is...the Cowboys. I'm not even upset by this! The game was a blowout from the word go. Plaxico "I don't need no stinking practice" Burress ran the wrong route leading to an interception returned from a touchdown, and Justin "You can't fucking block me" Tuck got flagged 15 yards for "tackling the quarterback", prolonging a drive that ended in a touchdown. Other than that, despite a classic Eli Manning 3 turnover performance, the Giants could not lose. That Cowboys team is TERRIBLE. I understand that they're missing their starting quarterback and no team in the NFL is going to stay competitive too long with the backup in there. Still, once Mr. Jessica Simspson comes back, the Cowboys are going to have serious questions on the offensive line, motivation issues with their wide receivers, and holes on every single part of their defense not named Demarcus Ware. That, my friends, is not the makings of a championship caliber team. Early in the year the pundits were calling the Cowboys offensive line one of the very best in football, presumably because they're all fat and play in Dallas, and that worked so well in the mid-90s. Unfortunately for the Cowboys, those mid-90s lines had "heart" and "talent" and "cocaine to block the pain". These guys are too fat and slow to block speed rushers, and too weak with their technique to block a power rusher. They can't open up any holes for their running backs, and they have no chance of keeping opposing pash rushers away from their quarterbacks. On the bright side, they rarely if ever fuck up the center to quarterback exchange.