Put me in coach!

Tied at 3 in the bottom of the 9th inning last night, Aaron Heilman promptly walked the leadoff hitter. A successful sacrifice bunt from the pitcher and a wild pitch later, the Marlins had the winning run on third with only one out. Heilman would intentionally walk the bases loaded bringing up Josh Willingham. 5 pitchers later Willingham walked bringing home the winning run. Hey, I can do that. You need someone to throw 16 pitches out of the strike zone? I am capable of that! Give me a quarter of a million dollars!

Where we stand

And by "we" I of course mean the Mets. Except for not showing up to the three remaining games for which I possess tickets, there is very little I can do for the team. As of right now, with September looming, the Mets are in first place, which is a pretty good place to be. The bullpen is still in disarray, the offense is inconsistent at best (except in the first inning), and at some point someone is going to realize 36 year old former sluggers don't often enjoy midseason resurgences. Seriously, will someon make Delgado pee in a cup? The man slugged another two home runs last night, including the tying shot with two outs in the 8th before the wheels came off for the Phillies bullpen. Sucks, doesn't it? Before the carnage was over, Daniel Murphy had a go-ahead RBI double and Brian Schneider hit a bloop single to drive in two more runs for the final margin, proving once and for all that white guys on the Mets wearing numbers in the 20s are always clutch. All in all it was nice to see the Mets put Tuesday night's tough loss behind them and come from behind late in a game.

In pathetic attempts to justify my stalkerish obsession news...read this little blurb on ESPN.com this morning: "Despite the gut-wrenching loss Tuesday night into Wednesday morning, Mets All-Star 3B David Wright stopped to sign autographs at 1:35 a.m. for a group of fans who were waiting outside the ballpark." Seriously, how can you not want to chain him up in a cage in your basement?

Fuck you bullpen...the sequel!

So last night the Mets jumped out to an early 7-0 lead, then flipped the switch to neutral and coasted to an 8-7 lost in extra innings. Hey, remember last year when you guys had a 7 game lead with 17 to play, flipped the switch to neutral and coasted to a second place finish? No? Cause we fucking do! The Mets are something of an enigma as the highest scoring team in ALL of baseball in innings 1-6, and the lowest scoring team in the National League in innings 7 on. See most teams like to grind it out against their opponents starter (theoretically one of the 5 best pitchers on the staff) and then beat up on the weak middle relief. Not the Mets. They like to stomp on the starter early, knock him out of the game, and the go back to the clubhouse to shower for a night ou...oh shit the game's still going on! Ah fuck it, they won't catch us, right? RIGHT? Damn.

In other news, after some deep soul searching Michael Strahan has decided to stay retired and not take over for the injured Osi Umenyiora. I was going to do a post about how a desparate Giants team lowballed their best option into staying retired, but it turns out they offered him a mint and he just really doesn't want to play anymore. Too bad, that was going to be some funny shit. The Giants will instead turn to plan B, moving linebacker Mathias Kiwanuka back to defensive end, where he started his career. Originally moved to linebacker last season because he was blocked by Strahan and Umenyiora, this seems like a good time to see what the former first round pick can do.

Fuck you bullpen!

I guess Mike Pelfrey finally figured out how to prevent the bullpen from giving away sure victories. Be efficient with your pitches, get lots of ground ball double plays in key situations, and make sure Carlos Delgado hits at least 2 three-run home runs when you pitch. It is rare that Jose Reyes can go 3-4 with a single, a double, a triple, a stolen base, 2 runs scored and 2 RBI and get completely ignored. That's what happens with Big Pelf throws his second straight complete game victory, the first Mets pitcher to do so since Brett Saberhagen in 1995. Not to mention Delgado's big night which included a slick 3-6-3 double play and a spectacular diving stop in the 9th inning that allowed Pelfrey to finish off the game.

It should be mentioned that ESPN's Baseball Tonight team was fighting to get in line to suck Jimmy Rollins' dick after his nice 3-3 night with a single, a double, a triple, 1 run scored and 2 RBI. But Rollins walked, too! Wait, so did Reyes? Well, Rollins' RBI came with 2 outs! Oh, so did Reyes'. I guess fuck Jose for making an out. And the audacity to steal a base! I mean come on, stealing shit is wrong. It says so in the bible.

Maybe it's me?

I'm pretty sure of the roughly 6 games I've attended this season at beloved rat hole Shea Stadium the Mets have lost roughly 12 of them. Wasting a spectacular two home run effort by Carlos Beltran yesterday afternoon, the Mets bullpen did what it always does and choked on a big fat dick. Actually, that's not entirely true. Scott Schoenweis, Joe Smith, Luis Ayala, and Duaner Sanchez combined for 2.2 innings of hitless relief. Unfortunately Aaron Heilman and Pedro Feliciano also pitched, managing to give up as many hits in 1 combined inning of work as tough look starter Oliver Perez gave up in 6.1. Heilman was particularly efficient, giving up 2 hits in 4 pitches.

Looking on the bright side, the bullpen's ineptitude kept the fickle Shea fans from whining, "You know, for $119 million, Beltran could've hit at least 3 fucking home runs." You can mark down a loss to the woeful Braves on September 13th, the next time I drag my cursed ass to the Stadium.

In other news, go fuck yourself preseason. On the bright side, it's now been over two years since Ben Roethlisberger tried to stop a car with his forehead. Who says football players are dumb?

Didn't see that coming!

If you had asked me in the offseason, I'd have told you that former first round pick Mike Pelfrey was a number 4 or 5 starter at best, and maybe destined for a long career as a middle reliever. Now he is leading the first place (well, for now) New York Mets in wins after his first career complete game, against the rival Braves no less. Now granted this isn't your mid-90s era Braves, but having a 6'7" kid with a power sinker never hurts. He finally figured out that he just needs to throw the ball over the middle of the plate and let his natural stuff do the work. Even with Johnny Maine struggling with soreness in his pitching arm, the Mets sport a fearsome starting rotation headlined by Johan Santana, followed by some combination of Oliver Perez, Big Pelf, and the still effective Pedro Martinez. I'd put that starting rotation up there with anyone in the National League in a short series. Now about that bullpen...

The week in sports

Michael Phelps won a record-breaking 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics including memorable finishes in the 4 x 100 freestyle relay and the 100 meter butterfly. But he only set 7 world records and I didn't watch a single race, so it could not have been all that important.

In interesting news, the All Blacks of New Zealand demonstrated a bend-don't-break strategy against the Springboks of South Africa, several times letting the host team reach the goal line (or whatever the fuck they call it in rugby) but refusing to yield any points. The All Blacks won 19-0 in a game that featured what seemed like a dozen missed kicks. Somewhere Mike Vanderjagt scoffed "I can do that."

The Mets won their 6th in a row on the road yesterday on the strength of a 3 hit shutout by Johan Santana. Johan finally figured out how to prevent the bullpen from blowing another sure victory by throwing only 5 pitches to retire the side in the 9th. Hey fuckheads how hard is that? The Mets looks to finish off their sweep of genuine baseball-like teams this afternoon in Pittsburgh and hold onto their slim 2 game lead over the Phillies.

AUGGHH!!!

I go to Southeast Asia for two fucking weeks and all of a sudden the team goes into a tailspin? A 1-5 road trip against Florida and Houston. HOUSTON? How the hell do you get swept by Houston? Did Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio suddenly pump themselves up on steroids and hit the time machine back to 1994? Maybe a mid-80s era Mike Scott was pitching for the Astros. Now I come to find out Johnny Maine and Billy Wagner are on the DL. Aaron Heilman is our closer? Ugh. It's going to be a bumpy August. Maybe it's for the best I'm halfway around the world. Although I still can't watch the fucking Mets. Tri-nation rugby is where it's at baby. South Africa v. New Zealand on August 16th. Should be some time in the middle of the fucking night. Woo.