Friday wrapup

Last night featured marquee several matchups. The headliner was this season's first bout between Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin that I did didn't watch because it wasn't on TV. The under card was led by Kobe Bryant versus LeBron James that I didn't watch because I didn't care. So what did I watch? Well, the first two hour episode of the 24 premier which sucked because 24 sucks these days. Don't worry, I'll keep watching because I'm stupid. Also, I watched one of the least hot matchups you'll ever seen in women's tennis, Justine Henin taking out 27 seed Alisa Kleybanova in 3 sets. Wait was that mean? That was mean. The tennis was beautiful until the hulking Kleybanova wilted in the Australian heat and humidity and got blown off the court by the sleeker Henin. Hey Justine, wear a longer skirt next time, your massive black cock is showing!



Also blown off the court last night was the men's 7 seed Andy Roddick. I assume he was blown off the court given that he's married to swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker. On the court he served to a crisp 74% first service percentage en route to a tidy 4 set win over pesky Spaniard Felciano Lopez.

Balls

Coming off a stirring run to the finals of the 2009 Confederations Cup, the US National Soccer team filled its fans with hope for the upcoming 2010 World Cup. Add to that a favorable draw, and the US is hoping to advance out of the pool play for the first time in history. That is, they were until they let the Mets training staff take over, leading to a rash of injuries to key players Charlie Davies, Oguchi Onyewu, and now Clint Dempsey. I caught up with Landon Donovan and Tim Howard as they ran a complicated training maneuver under the watchful eye of Mets trainer Ray Ramirez. Both men seemed unconcerned with the injuries while juggling razor-sharp swords, poisonous snakes, and what appeared to be a grenade without its pin. When asked to comment, Donovan expressed faith in what he called, "Ray's capable hands."

Marvin Harrison is a bad dude

Former Colts receiver Marvin Harrison is an all-time great receiver. If he never plays another down in the NFL, he is a sure-fire hall of famer. That being said, if you come across Harrison on the streets of Philadelphia...run! Run like the wind! And you may want to bob and weave too, because that son of a bitch is packing and he won't give two shits who he hits when he fires! Check out this story by Jason Fagone in the latest GQ.

That Crosby kid is pretty good

I heard on SportsCenter this morning that Barry Melrose called this the goal of the year. I don't know about all that, but any time a guy splits two NHL defenders and beats an All Star goalie he gets his video on this blog. Well anytime I hear or read about it and bother to post because I'm really, really lazy. It is the first highlight of the incredibly long highlight package below.

Oh crap

During a forgettable 2009 season, June 23 stands out as a particularly memorable day. That was the date the Mets placed star center fielder Carlos Beltran on the 15 day disabled list with a bone bruise on his right knee. Already missing Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado and with a pitching staff somewhat in shambles, the Mets found themselves at 35-34, a mere 2 1/2 games out of first place in the division. It was the final blow to the team's chances, as Beltran had been enjoying a stellar season and had to be considered one of the front-runners for the non-Pujols National League MVP award. By the time Beltran returned to the lineup three months later the Mets were 14 games under .500 and closer to the last place Nationals in the standings than the first place Phillies. As of this writing, there has been no improvement made to the pitching staff, meaning a healthy Beltran is the key to fielding at least a competitive team in 2010.

Actually, let me try wording this a different way:

FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!
FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!
FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!
FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!
FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!
FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!

Alabama wins BCS National Title

Heisman Trophy finalist Colt McCoy foolishly tried a stranger prior to the National Title game to calm his nerves. He unfortunately sat on his hand too long and was unable to continue play after the first series. True freshman replacement Garrett Gilbert did his best to replace McCoy but ultimately his 4 interceptions and costly fumble late in the game stalled the valiant comeback attempt.



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Wrapped up in Ivy

The number one college basketball team in ALL the land survived an upset scare from a more than game Cornell University. Kansas ran its NCAA-best home winning streak to 51 games by squeaking out a 71-66 victory. The Jayhawks trailed by a point with less than a minute to go before senior guard Sherron Collins took control of the game. Honestly, I'm not sure why everyone is so surprised. Cornell's mascot is a big fucking bear, which could kick the shit out of a jayhawk. What the fuck is a jayhawk anyway? Oh. Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and take the bear in that fight, even if he has minty, fresh breath. Cornell's the Big Red, you see. What's that? You don't have the jingle stuck in your head? Hahahaha! FUCK YOU!

Well that's a shame

Led by RPI's superstar freshman Jerry D'Amigo, the US exploded to a 5-3 third period lead. Canada dramatically tied the game in the last 3 minutes and, I presume, won the game in overtime. I mean, no team can overcome that kind of meltdown, right? HOLE! LEE! SHIT! Damn my inability to stay up past 10 PM! What is it about sweaty teen-aged boys that's so damned hot? I mean, uh, check out the video!

Dog bless the interwebs

You know what the best part of the Internet is? Oh, right, porn. You know what the second best part of the Internet is? People who willingly humiliate themselves in hopes that, I don't know, when people laugh at them in the supermarket there's finally a reason for it? Hey, are those a couple of Red Rockers? Eh, it's probably not worth it.



With Leather via Puck Daddy

RPI hockey player succeeding on World stage

RPI freshman Jerry D'Amigo scored twice last night in the World Junior Championships to help lead the US team into the finals against Canada. D'Amigo's first goal tied the game at two in the second period, and his second gave the Americans a comfortable 4-2 lead on their way to a 5-2 victory over the Swedes of Sweden. Hey, someone get that kid a beer, uh, an RPI girl, um, some lube and a tissue? Anyway, the victory prevented a third straight finals matchup between Sweden and Canada. The US will skate for the gold against their cuddly neighbors to the north on Tuesday at 8 PM. Be sure to tune into the NHL Network to see how it all turns out! Just kidding, I know you won't watch. Be sure to tune in to the blog Wednesday when I forget to update you with the results!

Wes Welkahhhh noooooo!!!!!

A nation mourns today as Wes Welker's dreamy, blue eyes have been dimmed. The man whose piercing gaze captured our hearts will miss the playoffs after tearing the ACL and MCL in his left knee attempting to cut upfield against the Houston Texans on Sunday.