Manny Ramirez might not get it

The Manny Being Manny show forced its way out of Boston last season in an effort to leverage another $100 million contract out of some poor team stupid enough to shell out that kind of dough. Manny Being Manny held up his end of the bargain by proving a motivated Ramirez could terrorize pitchers to the tune of a .396 average with 17 home runs and 53 RBI in a 53 game push to the playoffs. Not taken into account was poor economic policy from the previous presidential administration that pushed the country into a deep economic crisis. While the Yankees were seemingly immune, they had no interest in an additional prima donna $100 million player. With the burned bridges in Boston and the Mets ownership struck down by Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme, Ramirez found himself without any big moneyed suitors. The Dodgers desperately need Manny Being Manny back but are unwilling to negotiate against themselves to drive up the price. That means they are standing firm on their piddly 2 year, $45 million contract, or less money than Ramirez would have earned by staying with Boston. All in all it is likely that had the economy not tanked, Ramirez's power move would have paid off in a big way. But this is the world we live in and that's not just the best offer on the table, it's the ONLY offer on the table. So Manny Being Manny, of course, rejected it. Kudos Mr. Ramirez. I hate working too, but it sure pays a lot better than not working. Ideally he wouldn't need the money coming off his $160 million deal with Boston, but he's not going to set too many home run records sitting on his ass eating Cheetos.

College basketball collisions

Two major collisions in college basketball last night. First up #2 UConn and their undefeated road record slammed head on into #10 Marquette and their undefeated home record. Unfortunately the casualty was Dominic James of Marquette whose season and career is now over after suffering a broken foot in the carnage. The Huskies restaked (fuck you dictionary.com that is TOO a word!) their claim to the meaningless #1 ranking with a 93-83 victory in a fun game to watch. Well, unless you're a Marquette fan. Or Dominic James, I guess.

Anyway, the other major collision last night was between Dave Neal of Maryland and Nolan Smith of Duke. In the video below, you'll see Smith running full tilt into a solid (but clean) screen, his head snapping back, and crumpling to the ground. While it is sad Smith was unable to return the game, I love how Coach K of Duke ran screaming to the officials about an illegal screen. Sorry Coach, but someone probably should have been warning Smith of the impending impact. If you watch the slow motion replay below, you'll see a natty pair of dress sneakers in the shot. Who was the closest Dukie to your player? YOU, asshole! Your poorly toupeed ass should have been screaming out a warning of the screen instead of bitching to the refs about your daughter's illegitimate children. Fuck you, the bitch told me she was on the pill!



Oh yeah, and Jim Calhoun becaume the 7th coach to reach 800 career wins, which is a big deal, I guess.

Something to look forward to

They are starting to reveal the concession options at the soon to be opened Taxpayer Stadium in lovely Queens NY. I guess that beats a Nathan's hot dog on wonder bread. Maybe.

This went well

After UConn's ugly win over South Florida on Saturday, some overzealous activist accosted coach Jim Calhoun in the press conference over his salary. Calhoun earns $1.6 million which certainly seems exorbitant in these economic times. As a public figure, you are probably going to have to answer questions you don't want to answer. That being said, this was probably not the time or the place to bring it up, and anyone who has ever watched a UConn men's basketball game could probably have predicted this result.



That is now my second favorite sound clip involving "next question" following Drew Rosenhaus looking like a complete ass for fucking up the Terrell Owens/Philadelphia Eagles relationship in the most horrifically awesome way imagineable. Not shown below (or anywhere else on my exhuastive 15 second search of the internet) "Mr. Rosenhaus how do you respond to accusations you've done nothing but cost your client millions of dollars and get him cut from his team?" "Next question."

Now that's some killer analysis

"So Matthew, what's going on here?"
"Check out that helmet!"

I honestly never thought I'd have to work Matthew Barnaby into a tag, but here we are. Anyway, somehow Matthew Barnaby is attached to this, but he provides little to no information as to what makes these goals so amazing. Well, except for the first one. And to think, Gretzky never did steroids! Home run!

Alex Ovechkin is pretty good

I could be negative and concentrate on Shea, uh, Citifield's brand-spanking new obstructed seats. But I won't. Mostly because that's the view from row 17 and I'm in row 14 so I should have a beautiful view of the field, at least.

I could make another derisive comment about the current state of women's college basketball in light of UConn's recent win but, um, actually, I'm going to go ahead and do that. Providence did MUCH better than nationally ranked Pittsburgh a couple of days ago, managing to keep pace with the Huskies to the tune of 24-6. That's a whole extra free throw! I'm just going to ignore the fact that UConn scored as many points in the first half as Providence did in the game. Well, kind of.

Instead I'm going to highlight Alex Ovechkin scoring yet another ridiculous goal. My favorite part of the video is Ovechkin calling it a "top ten" goal. I'll say! My least favorite part is the analysis from the ESPN guys. I mean, there's some good information there but for fuck's sake try and keep up with the highlight people! For those not in the know, "Matthew" is Matthew Barnaby who never, ever scored a goal like that. Actually, my favorite story about Matthew Barnaby is a quote from former teammate Jaromir Jagr. "Every time I see you in the shower I feel bad for your wife." Anyway, on to the highlight!

DeJuan Blair has himself a professional future

Not in the NBA, of course, he's too short, too slow, and too fat to make it there. If he dedicates himself to fitness and gets on the right team, he might have a ceiling as a Glen "Big Baby" Davis. He has great potential to be the next great force in the WWE though. Check out the beginning of the highlight below. Hasheem Thabeet goes up for a rebound, tips the ball up, and Blair jumps up and grabs it. Everything's OK here, it happens. Blair grabs Thabeet's arm in addition to the ball, and this is where things get screwy. Blair realizes he has an arm and the ball, so he let's go of the ball with his right hand, grabs the arm, and flips the player over his back. Of course the referee calls the foul on Thabeet for over the back, like he had a fucking choice. I'm sure he was thinking, "Hey, I know what sounds like fun, I'll try and slide over this guy's back like it's the hood of a car in an action movie!" We should all be thankful Blair didn't break Thabeet's arm, separate his shoulder, or drop him on his head.

I'll check back in March

Hey, the UConn women's basketball team is playing a top 25 ranked opponent at home! It should only be a few minutes into the game, let me flip to it, see some high quality women's basketball. Jesus Christ. The uniforms look nice though. What else is on?

(AP Photo/Jessica Hill)

K Rod likes to talk

Fransisco Rodriguez likes this team and he isn't afraid to tell everyone! Speaking to reporters from spring training, Rodriguez said, “Whatever happened is in the past… You have to move forward… I don’t want to make any controversy, but with me and Putz and the additions in the bullpen, I feel like now we are the team to beat.”

Mr. Rodriguez is apparently new to the team, so I'll have to catch him up. Mr. Rodriguez, K, if you will, the Mets ALWAYS have the best team in spring training. They always have the best team April through August as well. Unfortunately, that ass hat Bud Selig INSISTS they play the schedule to completion, and it's September that the Mets struggle with. I'm not saying it's a pattern or anything, BUT IT FUCKING HAPPENS EVERY YEAR! You may want to start mentally preparing yourself now.


Image courtesy of the Daily News.

College basketball is starting to get interesting

In an effort to pump up interest in their product, ESPN has deemed this "rivaly week" where longtime rivals like Duke and North Carolina, UConn and Syracuse, or Oklahoma and Baylor clash in titanic battles that leave hundreds dead, thousands wounded, and millions of people all across America hoping for Dick Vitale to get some fucking laryngitis. Of course the marquis matchup is Duke verus North Carolina, because nothing gets America's blood going like unathletic white kids who have no chance to succeed at the next level running slowly up and down the floor heaving three pointers. This may come as a shock to you, but I didn't watch that game. I DID watch UConn versus Syracuse, which turned into an ugly slugfest filled with turnovers and badly missed shots. Sometimes low scoring games are unwatchable. Other times, they result from grossly overmatched teams trying to pound it inside against 7'3" behemoths who kind of suck at basketball but can block the shit out of crappy layup attempts. If you were to watch the video highlights on ESPN.com, you might think the most entertaining parts of the game were UConn players hoisting 25 footers. If you click through the pictures, you might find some of this:


and a whole lot of this:


Almost every single memorable highlight from last involved Thabeet blocking or altering a shot. He stuffed a dunk attempt. He hustled back to break up a 3-on-0 fast break that featured a bad pass preventing an easy layup. He stood with his arms stretched to the sky as diminutive point guards drove the lane, looked up, said, "Oh shit," and travelled because it was less embarrassing than having another lame layup attempt swatted back in their faces. The man may be nothing more than another tall, lanky, unskilled bench player in the NBA, but wholly bejebus is he a force in college basketball!

Speaking of sloppy seconds

Everyone's favorite toothless misogynist is coming to Hartford! Desperate to regain some of the toughness, heart, and venereal disease lost when Sean Avery signed a monster contract with the Dallas Stars in the offseason, the reeling New York Rangers signed the troubled winger to a minor league contract. Look for Avery to spend a week or two in Hartford to shake some of the rust off and learn to really appreciate how great it is to be in New York. Hurry out to New England's Rising Star for the chance to shout insults and taunts at 1/10th the price of NHL tickets. Throwing things at him is also highly recommended if you don't mind an armed escort out of the building. And just so we remember, here is the inspiration for Avery's tirade that earned him a one-way ticket from Dallas to Hartford, Miss Elisha Cuthbert!

That probably hurt

In Monday night's Beanpot Championship, referee took a puck to the face. He immediately dropped to the ice in obvious pain. A pool of blood quickly formed beneath him. He was able to skate off the ice under his own power and was taken to the Massachusetts Eye and Ear infirmary. As of yet there is no news on his conditions. Or maybe there is and I'm too lazy to find it. Regardless, the stupid highlight shows wouldn't the play, because who wants to see people's faces explode in seas of blood? It's not like MMA is popular or anything. So instead, here's a picture of Patrick Roy with blood streaming down his face after a fight with the Red Wings in the mid 90s.

Weekend wrap up

So future home run king Alex Rodriguez used steroids. Color me shocked! He played for the Texas Rangers in the early 2000s! I mean how many of them could possible have done steroids? Oh yeah, ALL of them! A-Rod for some reason would not return my calls, but his ex-wife Cynthia had a comment.



Whoops! Sorry about that folks. A little profanity snuck in there. Don't know how that happened.

In news that people actually care about (i.e. me) the UConn men's basketball team held onto the #1 ranking for another week with impressive victories over Louisville and a very game Michigan team. The UConn women's team slaughtered another overmatched opponent. Well, I assume. I stopped paying attention when it became obvious they were so much better than everyone. Aw fuck it, I know what everyone wants, news of the Beanpot! Well saddle up kiddies because tonight #1 BU takes on #3 Northeastern for the right to the trophy (not pictured). It doesn't get much more exciting than two top college hockey teams with a natural, geographically induced hatred of each other. Besides, NU is good this year. How the hell did that happen?

It's better than a skate in the neck!

Last year around this time, Richard Zednik was having a very bad day. Warning, there is some graphic blood in that video, watch it at your own risk. Needless to say, the fact that Zednik is skating at all is borderline miraculous, a term that gets thrown around a little too much but definitely applies. The last guy who suffered a traumatic skate to neck injury on the ice was goalie Clint Malarchuk, who never really recovered. Zednik went from nearly dying on the ice to proving once and for all that male figure skaters are just failed hockey players. Let's see Brian Boitano do this after a double axle!

This is why Duke sucks

Lots going on in the sports world last night. Lebron James dropped 52 amidst a triple double on the Knicks. That was the second most points ever scored in a triple double, and the first time a team had given up 50 points to an opponent in consecutive games in 40 something years. The Knicks let Kobe Bryant run rampant for 61, the most ever points scored in Madison Square Garden, in their previous game.

Wake Forest lost to Miami in college hoops. The #6 team in the nation has now dropped three out of their last four games. Of course that one win was over Duke, who was also in action last night at 10th ranked Clemson. How did that go? Hahahahahaha! That gives me a chance to revisit one of my all time favorite YouTube posts. Enjoy! With speakers if you're at work, cause they use some naughty language in this one.

Missed this one by a week or so

I caught the last few minutes of the replay of the Beanpot game between Harvard and #1 BU last night on my newly re-available NESN HD. Fuck you Charter. Eat a whole bucket full of dicks! Anyway, it turns out this was a hell of a game between a very good BU team and a very pumped up Harvard team. In the highlight below, skip to about the 1 minute mark to see Harvard come agonizingly close to tying the game as time expires. It's definitely a feeling I can relate to. Well, except for the pride in my school. And the incredibly high stakes. And the hockey skill. But I totally hit the crossbar once with a slapshot. It was awesome. Tune in Monday night February 9th for the exciting and dramatic finals of the Beanpot between #1 BU and #3 Northeastern. I know I will! Probably.

Very eloquently put

This article sums up the Federer/Nadal rivalry with pretty words. Of course, that means I have to highlight the title. Why deal with content when fluff is so tasty?

The #1 team in ALL the land

Being #1 in the country in early February is like being in first place in the National League East in early September. It's nice to be there but it doesn't mean squat unless you're there at the end of the season, too. The University of Connecticut men's basketball team started their brutal Big East schedule with a bad loss to Georgetown at home, looking downright ugly in the process. Since then they have rolled through the best conference in all the land to the tune of 9 straight victories leading into tonight's class with #7 and undefeated in Big East play Louisville. What does it mean? The Huskies are going to lose. How do I know? Science baby. Since North Carolina fell 4 weeks ago and lost their #1 ranking, 3 other teams have held the dubious honor. First Pittsburgh, who promptly lost. Then Wake Forest, who promptly lost. Then Duke, who promptly lost to Wake Forest opening the door for UConn. Personally, I thought the Demon Deacons with their 1 loss and having just defeated Duke reearned the right to be ranked #1, but they followed up that emotional victory by losing AGAIN! So tonight UConn will continue the time-honored tradition of puking all over the #1 ranking and let someone else take it next week.