Lineup Error Forces Rays Manager to Manage

Accidentally listing two third basemen on his lineup in Sunday's game against the Cleveland Indians forced Tampa D**** Rays manager Joe Maddon to bat his pitcher in the #3 hole. When reached for comment, a panicked Maddon lamented, "Fuck me, you mean I have to pay attention? I'm out of my league, man, I mean I completely fucked up the NL games in the World Series last year. Not to mention the hooker said I still have to pay her even though I won't get the quality time we usually get into the 7th inning." He then ran off muttering something about a double switch.

SHOCKING news

The Phoenix Coyotes have filed for bankruptcy. Billionaire Jim Balsillie has offered to buy the team on the condition he can move them to Southern Ontario. Man, who would have thought that hockey would fail in the desert? I'm sure it was helpful that the team never once advanced past the first round of the playoffs, a tournament they failed to qualify for since 2002.

Anything you can do I can do better

Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin did their best dueling banjos imitation last night, notching matching hat tricks in Washington's 4-3 victory. Obviously Crosby would be the smarmy northerner who can't keep up and Ovechkin is the southerner with no teeth but more talent. As is always the case in these situations, the game came down to David Steckel. Wait, who? I guess he's the dancing yokel. I don't know, this fell apart a lot faster than I thought it would.