Mets to acquire Santana?

I just peed myself a little.

Weekend wrap up

Maria Sharapova won the Australian Open. I didn't watch. Novak Djokovic won on the men's side. I didn't watch that either. I caught some of the replay on ESPN2 the next afternoon but it was clear after the first set that surprising Frenchman Jo Wilfried Tsonga just ran out of gas after an inspired first set.

On Saturday the UConn men surprised number 7 Indiana ending their 29 game home winning streak with a short-handed squad. Starter Jerome Dyson and top reserve Doug Wiggins were suspended for the game, rumor has it for alcohol related incidents. The team really rallied around each other, used their quicker guards to get Indiana's star freshman Eric Gordon in foul trouble, and actually made their free throws down the stretch. All in all it was as gutsy a win as the team has had in a few seasons. Coach Jim Calhoun is looking for people to provide Dyson and Wiggins with alcohol for tonight's game against Louisville.

Sunday night saw the UConn women beat their second top ranked team in a week with a dominating win at number 15 Notre Dame. Superstar freshman Maya Moore was unstoppable early on, scoring UConn's first 15 points. This forced the Fighting Irish to adjust their defense to stop Moore. Unfortunately for the home crowd, while Notre Dame effectively prevented Moore from scoring another point, they let the rest of the Huskies run rampant. It's a shame the injury bug tore down this team as I think they had a real shot to unseat defending national champions Tennessee. UConn's Tina Charles is probably the most dominant post player in the country, but it may not be enough to stop Candace Parker. It will be fun to watch though!

Speaking of fun, check out Ilya Kovalchuk's reaction when fellow Russian Evgeni Nabakov flat out robs him during yesterday's NHL All Star game. The game was seen by literally dozens of people on the Versus network. It was played in Atlanta home of Kovalchuk's Thrashers, making the reaction all the sweeter.

Yeah the Patriots are all right

But Roger Federer is dominant. Coming into last night's semifinal matchup against Novak Djokovic Federer had won 2 straight Australian Opens and reached 10 (!) straight Grand Slam Finals winning all but the 2 French Opens in that span. Federer had won 19 straight matches overall down under until Djokovic clipped him last night.

Federer losing just does not happen. The difference between what Federer has done and what the Patriots have done, for example, is the Patriots made news by winning every game they played. Well this is expected of Roger. He only really gets mentioned when he loses. Especially when the loss comes to someone other than world #2 Rafael Nadal. Djokovic has solidly entrenched himself as the third best player in the world, but to this point he is probably best known for his spot on imitations of fellow competitors Maria Sharapova and Rafael Nadal. Since no one watches tennis but me, you'll just have to trust me on this one.



Speaking of the statuesque Sharapova, take off your pants and break out the lube because at 9:30 this evening (all times Eastern) she will take on Ana Ivanovic in the Finals.

Random funny ad from gmail

While sending a Super Bowl related e-mail from GMail I noticed the following ad the right of my inbox:

Nice to know that if you go to superbowl.com you can find out everything you ever wanted to on the upcoming Patriots versus Eagles slug fest.

I ran out of nice things to say

Boston fans, this is why everyone hates you.



My favorite part is when they take 20 second to rag on Yankees and Yankee fans in the middle of their pro-Patriots music video. I have to hand it to them, their analysis is dead on accurate. Neither the Yankees nor their fans would be able to defeat the Patriots in a professional football game.

Sometimes I say nice things

Coach Ron Hunter from IUPUI (I love saying that!) is coaching tonight's game against Oakland with no shoes. He is trying to bring attention to the plight of the shoeless in the world, specifically the needy in Nigeria. On Mike and Mike this morning, the fine people at Converse put their little slave laborers into overtime, promising 15,000 pairs of shoes to help Coach Hunter reach his goal of 40,000 before he even steps on the court tonight.

U! C! O! N! N!

I REALLY hate that cheer. I think part of my distaste is the fact that most of the people mindlessly shouting out letters couldn't spell "Connecticut". But what a game last night! Top ranked Connecticut took on third ranked North Carolina at UConn's Harry A Gampel Pavilion in lovely Storrs, CT. UConn started the game by allowing UNC to keep shooting until they scored. It was an odd choice by coach Geno Auriemma, but I was curious to see how his no rebounding strategy would pay off. Phenomenal outside shooting from guard Renee Montgomery and forward Maya Moore kept UConn within sniffing distance at the half, and Geno made the adjustment to the rebounding strategy in the second half.

Star center Tina Charles got the message, pulling down 19 boards and blocking 7 shots as UConn won going away. The highlight of the game for me personally was early in the second half. The Huskies were charging back forcing the Tar Heels to take a timeout to try to quell the run. The Husky fans, who to this point were most well known to me for chastising my father for talking during a game (true story, not this game) were on their feet and screaming. ESPN took the opportunity to take a 3 1/2 minute commercial break. By the end of the commercial, it was so quiet in Gampel you could almost hear the coaches shouting instructions at their players. But as the players made their way back onto the court the fans once again stood and began clapping and cheering on their players, nearly reclaiming the energy level from before the timeout. It was a level of maintained energy I just did not think possible for your typical crowd of grandmothers and high school girls.

I can't believe I'm going to say it

The Giants are going to the Super Bowl! Coming into this season, I was less than enthusiastic about the team's chances of finishing at .500, much less contending for a title. In fact, I believe my preseason prediction had the team of 3-13, firing coach Tom Coughlin, and shopping around for a new quarterback to replace bust Eli Manning.

The team was coming off yet another first round playoff flame out, their All Pro running back was retiring taking about 98% of the team's offense with him, and rumors had their All Pro defensive end following him out the door. Well it turns out the retired Tiki Barber is a complete ass hat who did nothing but undermine his quarterback's confidence and leadership. Michael Strahan just wanted to skip training and work his way into shape during the early regular season.

Plaxico Burress overcame a gimpy ankle to put on a receiving clinic in the NFC Championship game. Amani Toomer won't garner many votes for MVP what with his inconsistent play and suddenly drop-happy hands, but he made by far the most important play of the regular season when he rolled up on Jeremy Shockey's leg and fractured the mercurial tight end's fibula. While Shockey was having another solid year he was one of the few remaining negative influences on Eli's fragile psyche, and Manning seemed lift his game to another level in the final two games and the postseason.

Another important fallout from the loss to Washington was the reining in of offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride. He called for 53 passes from Eli Manning on a night when running back Brandon Jacobs rushed for over 5 yards a carry. While I like to think they hooked up a car battery to Gilbride's testicles, I imagine the conversation was more of Tom Coughlin screaming at Gilbride, "HE'S ELI FUCKING MANNING! NOT PEYTON! ELI! NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN! IT'S EMBARRASSING WHEN HE CRIES ON THE FIELD LIKE THAT!" Actually, I kind of imagine Coughlin screams all the time. "HONEY CAN YOU PLEASE PASS THE SALT? THANK YOU!"

But I digress. The Giants closed the regular season with a tight game against the (so far) undefeated New England Juggernauts, er Patriots, a game they actually led in the third quarter until Brady remembered no one on the Giants could cover Randy Moss. Hopefully he forgets this again in Arizona or else it could be a long game for Big Blue. Hey, maybe Gisele should take Brady to Cabo for a few days to get his mind off the big game. It worked so well for Romo!

In case you missed it

And you did.  Last night I came home from the movies and turned on the tennis.  That would be the Australian Open for you Cro Magnons who feel sports begin and end with the NFL.  James Blake, one of the few top Americans on the tour was meekly getting blasted off the court by likable Frenchman Sebastian Grosjean.  Blake was down two sets to one and down two breaks 4-1 in the fourth set.  It looked like it was going to be a  quick beer and an early night for me.  While I was fucking around with my mini bottle of Patron silver (did I say beer?) Blake broke Grosjean, showing a little life.  As the ice cube melted in my tequila, Blake held serve with ease and broke back to get on serve.  The fourth set surprisingly went to a tie breaker which Blake won 7-5 after falling behind again.  Well shit.  Blake had never beaten Grosjean, and won the first five set match of his career in 11 tries at last year's US Open.  Let's just say things were not exactly going his way when he was down 2 sets.  But the elder Frenchman just didn't have the legs in the fifth set and Blake won going away.

Up next on the main court was world #1, and quite possibly the greatest tennis player of all time, Roger Federer against an unseeded Serbian Janko Tipsarevic.  I watched the beginning of the match, which was around 1 AM my time, and while it was on serve, it looked like Federer was predictably playing nearly perfect tennis.  Imagine my surprise 9 hours later when I awoke to live coverage of the incredibly entertaining Hewitt versus Baghdatis match.  We'll get to that.  The reason ESPN 2 was still live in Australia was Federer was taken to 10-8 in the fifth set.  This is a guy who dominates people.  A typical bad set for Federer means he only broke his opponent once.  This Tipsarevic character nearly beat him!  Hopefully this is a sign that there may be some young players out there besides Spaniard Rafael Nadal who can actually challenge Federer.  Hopefully Tipsarevic isn't a douche bag.  I mean for an athlete.

Since the match went so long, Lleyton Hewitt and Marcos Baghdatis did not take the court until nearly midnight.  I lazily ambled downstairs and made some coffee while I called my mom to talk to her about the tennis she missed.  Federer almost losing is always news, and with the match starting after 1 in the morning, there's always a chance the crazy bi...er lovely lady was actually up in time to catch the end of it.  She had not heard, and I was regaling her with tales of the entertaining Hewitt and Baghdatis match.  Marcos fell apart at the end of the third set, serving for a two sets to one lead at 5-3 but losing 7 straight games to not only drop the third set fall behind two breaks of serve in the fourth set.  Oh well, it's always entertaining.  While I'm on the phone with mom Baghdatis pulls out a service game down 0-4, 0-40. No sweat for Hewitt who merely needs to hold serve to close out the match which he does to 5-1.  Baghdatis holds and the match is on Hewitt's racket.  And he's broken.  Baghdatis holds and the match is on Hewitt's racket.  And he's broken.  With the pressure of an epic collapse suddenly on Hewitt's shoulders, the fourth set goes to a tiebreaker.  Surprising even himself, Baghadatis wins the fourth set tiebreaker and as the clock winds past 4 AM in Australia, the adopted favorite from Cyprus found himself in an unlikely fifth set with the local favorite.  The two traded heavy blows before Baghdatis' legs abandoned him and Hewitt took it in fifth set.

Just an amazing series of matches.  I may not be refined enough to consistently keep my penis hidden at weddings, but at least I have better taste in sports than most Americans.  Fuck football.  This shit was genuinely exciting, and likely that none of its competitors was on steroids, as opposed to whatever percentage of the NFL consists of all players not named Eli Manning.

Holy Schnikes!

I have to be honest with you, I did not see this one coming. The Giants were entirely unable to move the ball on offense, the defense was being gashed by a power running game, and TO was running free all game against New York's decimated secondary. Yet Tony Romo was missing wide open receivers by yards and scrambling around with no clue like, well, like Eli Manning. Throw in a critical drop by Patrick Crayton on a sure huge gain on third down and giving up a huge punt return when the Giants offense was completely inept and the Cowboys out-Giants'd the Giants. Kudos.

To quote the Wolf, "let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet." The conditions were again ripe for Eli to succeed. He was on the road in another warm weather city in a game he wasn't supposed to win. While his completion percentage was high, his utter inability to get a first down in the fourth quarter when a sustained drive wins the game was alarming. Let's see what he can do in Lambeau field on a frigid evening in January.

Here are a couple of random interesting tidbits that I remember from my drunken weekend:

The Colts are 0-3 in their last 3 playoff games at home coming off a first round bye.

To date, only 2 teams that have scored first have won in the playoffs. The Seahawks against the Redskins in the first round, and the Giants against the Cowboys on Sunday.

Tom Brady's steely good looks are better than your secondary.

If a football game is played in a dome and no one watches does anyone care?

So the National Championship was decided last night in Division I college football. Ohio State got crushed. Hey, there's a surprise. They got crushed last year as well. People are comparing Ohio State to the Buffalo Bills of the early 90s like it's some kind of negative. Right, the Bills sucked. That's why they made 4 straight Super Bowls, just like, wait, that's never ever been done before or since. Losers. LSU probably was the best team, despite their two losses. Both losses went to triple overtime. You could make a case that USC was the best team at the end of the year, but they lost to Stanford. You know what the National Champion of major college football can't do? Lose to fucking Stanford. Get over it, no one cares.

Oh that's right, no one cares. Still, this is fucking hilarious:

Playoff fever!

Two notes from the Giants versus Buccaneers game yesterday in Tampa. First quarterback Eli Manning is receiving credit for his gutsy and efficient play yesterday in completing 20 of 27 passes in leading the Giants to victory. The conditions were ripe for the G-men as they were on the road where they went 7-1 during the regular season, and the temperatures would be in the 70s, which is perfect for Eli Manning's delicate psyche. Honestly the toughness of football players versus hockey players begins and ends with Eli. There's no way a man whose tears freeze to his face when the temperatures drop below 50 would get the starting goaltending job for the Rangers. Anyway, no lesser an expert than Peter King named Eli his offensive player of the weekend, which is an interesting choice for a NFL QB who can't throw a fucking spiral. While Eli did play a great game...for Eli, he still came up small in a critical 3rd quarter series by missing a wide open receiver on third down for what should have been an easy conversion. His throws were consistently over his target's heads or down at their feet, and it's more a testament to the receiver corps that led the NFL in dropped passes stepping up big when it mattered most.

That brings me to the unsung hero of the game, backup cornerback Corey Webster. Starting cornerback Sam Madison has been lined up against the opponents' top receivers all year, a curious by the Giants' coaching staff considering Madison apparently retired at the beginning of the year. He exploited a loop hole in the system that allowed him to continue to earn a paycheck even though at no point during the season did he actually run hard enough to break a sweat.

Webster has been labeled a bust in some circles after being selected in the second round out of LSU back in 2005. Webster blanketed Tampa's top receiver, Joey Galloway for most of the game, preventing the speedster from getting open all game and coming up with two critical turnovers in the second half. He recovered the fumbled kickoff to start the second half, and picked off a Jeff Garcia pass in the end zone when the Tampa quarterback tried to force the ball in to Galloway. On the sidelines Madison was seen taking notes on Webster's technique, apparently intruiged by Webster's curious decisions to run upfield with the receiver and trying to get his hands on balls that were thrown in his direction. We will see if Madison is able to apply these radical ideas into his game plan next weekend when the Giants face the Cowboys' talented receivers.

Happy New Year!

So in an effort to bring back the tradition of ranting incoherently about things that don't really matter...hello! After some network connectivity issues, I am back with a vengeance. I know I know, what do I need the internet for as long as I can sign into the blog? Hey, fuck you! YOU spell Epsen Knutsen's name when hockeydb won't load!

Since I've last updated, the Giants went from a sure fire bet to making the playoffs to a sure fire bet to missing the playoffs to locking up the top wild card spot in the NFC. Sure, that's like banging the hottest girl at RPI, but at least it practically ensures another year of Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin! Fuck.

The Patriots wrapped up the first 16-0 regular season in NFL history. Yawn. Oh well. It means exactly jack squat if they do not win the Super Bowl.

I'll bitch about the NFL playoffs later. This post is dedicated to what was far and away the most exciting sporting event of 2008...so far. The NHL staged the first ever outdoor regular season game on US soil. There had been one previous outdoor game in 2003 between the Montreal Canadiens and the Edmonton Oilers in Edmonton. This year's game marked the debut of the game of the week on NBC and featured the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Buffalo Sabres.

It was an opportunity for the league to market Sidney Crosby on the biggest stage available and a mere 20 seconds in he did not disappoint. He drove the net in a driving snow storm in front of 71,000 rabid fans getting stuffed right in front of the net but leaving the rebound sitting in the slot for an easy Colby Armstrong goal. The Sabres would tie the game early in the second period, and regulation would end in a 1-1 tie. After an incredibly exciting overtime, the Penguins would win the shootout 2-1 thanks to a spectacular save by goalie Ty Conklin and an even more spectacular winning goal by Crosby.

The ice conditions left a lot to be desired. The game was stopped several times so the crews could fix various troubling spots on the ice. The announcers explained that since they built the rink on a pile of sand atop Buffalo's Ralph Wilson field (i.e. where the Bills play) the weight of the zamboni was causing the base to shift and making cracks in the ice. The play also halted a few times so the zambonis could come out and scrape the excess snow off the ice. And when the snow turned to sleet during the second period, the players had a hard time adjusting. Still the 71,000 drunks in the stands gave it their all, and what better way for the NHL to end its showcase game than to have its star player score the game winning goal in a shootout?