Fuck you and your "Super" Bowl!

I only consider a bowl super if it is filled with monkeys. Delicious monkeys! But since every blogger with a moderately functional brain has to make a prediction for this weekend, I will join the party. Now all the so called experts are going to throw brilliant analysis out there using "facts" and "statistics" which everyone knows never ever works. 93.7% of all people I've polled on the subject told me to go fuck myself. I probably should have tried somewhere besides the maternity ward, but where else can you pick up loose women? Anyway, as this picture proves without a shadow of a doubt, even Steelers fans know Ben Roethlisberger has only been able to throw to receivers in dark jerseys since attempting to stop a Buick with his forehead.


So what color jerseys are the Steelers going to be wearing on Sunday? Yep, the Stillerz be fucked. Look for Roethlisberger to throw 5 touchdown passes. Unfortunately, only two will be to Steelers receivers. The Cardinals win in a laugher, 38-14.

Australian Open Update

Sometimes work can really get in the way of shoddy blog writing. Rather than watching the thrilling end of the 5 set, 5 1/2 hour+ semifinal between Rafael Nadal (not pictured) and Fernando Verdasco (not pictured) I had to take a shower and go to work. Son of a bitch. Nadal earned his first break of serve in 3 sets in the 10th (and final) game of the fifth set to win 6-7, 6-4, 7-6, 6-7, 6-4. Nadal will once again take on Roger Federer (not pictured) in the finals of a grand slam event. Advantage...Dementieva (pictured).

That Sidney Crosby kid is all right

This is exactly how I look playing hockey:



#6 on the Rangers, Wade Redden, standing there with a stupid look on his face while a far superior player whips a goal by him. Yeah, that's right in my skill set.

That was an OK save

Sometimes people like to knock hockey for being a low-scoring game. Well sometimes a lack of scoring does not translate into a lack of excitement. Case in point, check out Tim Thomas robbing Niklas Backstrom last night in overtime.



Now if you'll excuse me I have to go stretch out. I pulled my groin again just watching that.

Novak Djokovic is a giant pussy

Overnight Andy Roddick stopped defending champion Novak Djokovic 6-7, 6-4, 6-2, 2-1, retired. Wait, he fucking quit? In the quarterfinals of a grand slam just because he was losing? He must have had a hell of an excuse like he rolled his ankle and it swelled to the size of a balloon or he ate some bad shrimp and shit himself three times during the match or he had a hotel room full of hookers charging him by the hour. Oh, he had trouble sleeping because his previous match two days prior ended so late. Yeah, that's a son of a bitch. I'd definitely quit one of the four major tennis tournaments of the year for a nap. I loves me some sleep. Roger Federer, what are your thoughts on Djokovic after destroying the number 8 player in the world 2 days after a brutal 5 setter?



Ouch.

And we're back!

You know what sucks? Football! You want football blogs go ANYWHERE else. There's a billion of those fucking things because anyone with a pulse and a partially functioning brain can write about football. Hell, some of them can even play quarterback!



You want hockey updates? Me too! I found out last night that Charter took NESN HD away from me (just me), so the one fucking channel that shows regular hockey games up and disappeared. That's OK, it's not like they're one of the top teams in the NHL or anything. Fuckers.

So why did I come back? Well, pitchers and catchers report in about a month, so excitement for REAL sports is brewing, but mostly I came back to relive the past. Once upon a time there was a phenomenon. It was tall. It was white. It was tattooed. And it was goofy looking. BOY was it goofy looking. It's name was Kevin Pittsnogle, and not only could it shoot the hell out of a basketball, it was potentially human! So whatever happened to the 6'11 sharpshooter with an affinity for dueling banjos? Good question. Fortunately, John Branch of the New York Times has the answer. My favorite part of the article? His daughter's name is Amyyah. I envision the doctors asking the Pittsnogles what they would like to name their new daughter, and Mr. Pittsnogle in an entirely unintentional Goofy impression going "Heheheyah! Heheheyah! Amyyah! Heheheyah!"